Thursday, February 16, 2006

Challenges & Addictions

After reading our Weight Loss Girl's blog and reading some insightful comments by Maria, I started to do some thinking. For the most part, I believe we all have Challenges & Addictions. And to me, challenges can go hand-in-hand with addictions, so I'm gonna couple them together.

Some Challenges & Addictions are easy to point out: weight, drugs, compulsive disorders, rage... But, what about those covert things that aren't so obvious? It's easy to badger an overeater and demand that they lose weight--they're wearing their Challenge & Addiction on the outside. But those of us with less obvious Challenges & Addictions can go unnoticed.

Example: Hello, my name is Nikki Ann, and I'm a Fusser.

It might seem simple enough to you, right? Doesn't seem like an addiction, maybe a challenge, but not an addiction, right? Well, trust me, it's both. Sometimes I get so caught up in fussing that I can't see straight. It ruins my day, my appetite, and my zest for life. At times, I start fussing at 7 AM in the morning, and it takes until nightfall for me to snap out of it. Most of the time my mom will point out that I'm on a FUSSING BINGE. Did you read that? A fussing BINGE.

You guys have heard of binge eating as a disorder. Well, I don't binge on food, I binge on fussing! Seriously! To a level where if went unchecked, it could destroy my life. And I can't explain why I've chosen to challenge myself with this addiction (and I do believe we, consciously or unconsciously, CHOOSE these experiences).

**hold up...let me meditate and connect for a moment...**

**Minutes pass**

**More minutes pass**

Okay, after a little (a lot, actually) meditating and quieting myself, I've discovered that my fussiness is my armor. It's my angry face. It's a tool I use to keep the world and its craziness at a distance.

Just look at it. When I'm fussy, no one wants to deal with me. So, in that way, I do accomplish my task of alienating people.

And why would I want to alientate people?

Because I am afraid. I have this whispering thought that the world is a horrid place. That most people are mean. That it's hard to find anything good in people.

Phew! That was eyeopening for me.

I basically just applied all the tools that Kathy has been teaching me for months. I'm proud of myself. And hopefully, now that I understand where this fussiness is stemming from, I can be more conscious when it's happening. Actually, I'm feeling that way today. So, let me check it before it gets worse.

Challenges & Addictions are sometimes with us for life. We may NEVER overcome them all (just how AA members feel that they're always in recovery). But, Maria and I both feel that it's possible to MANAGE and MONITOR them--manage and monitor so that they don't take over our life and prevent us from making progress. And let me add that our Challenges & Addictions are what make us colorful. If it weren't for them, we'd all be carbon copies of one another. And hell, that's just plain boring.

Don't beat yourself up if you're having a hard time fighting your Addictions to food, TV, sex, drugs, money, stress, love (yup, it can be an addiction if you don't have SELF-LOVE), cars, drama, hate, fear... Instead, know that it might be a lifelong process to dealing with these issues, but you can find peace with Monitoring & Managing them.

Now, I'd like to hear from you all. What are your unusual Challenges & Addictions? Not the obvious ones, but the covert ones. The things that one might not know about you from looking from the outside. Please leave me a comment (yes it can be anonymous) or email me. And for those of you QUIET readers, I'd like to hear from one of you. Come out of hiding! I don't bite.

A little bit of business:

You guys are always listening to my ramblings about my life. Instead, I'd like for you guys to participate. I'm looking for those of you who are willing to submit pictures and blurbs about yourself. The pictures can be old childhood, teen, or twenty-something photos. Or they can be more recent pics. Choose pictures that tell a story. It doesn't even have to be a picture of you. Just a picture that you love and that you can write a short blurb about (the blurb should at least be ONE sentence so I can have an idea of what your feelings are about the photo). And feel free to submit more than one photo. Get crazy, go through you photos and send as many as you like. My only request is that if you do send more that a few pics, you'll need to resize them to about 400x300 pixels--this way it's easier to upload.

I don't know exactly how I'm gonna put this project together, but I'll think of something.

The theme is:

A Glimpse Into My Life Through Pictures and Blurbs

And I don't want to scare you folks off with the blurb part. If you're not into writing, simply send me the picture and I'll come up with my own blurb. Email me at with your photos or any questions.

And folks, I'm really looking for your support on this. I'm hoping that at least 3 people will submit photos. MAKE A CONTRIBUTION!

I'm O-U-T...OUT!