Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Every free moment I have (which is usually at night, if I'm not too pooped) I've been engulfed in one of my favorite writer's books: Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends by Neale Donald Walsch. I've had the book about a month, and I am now on my 3rd reading of it. If you aren't familiar with this author, he has an entire series of books, which started with his first: Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue. I've been reading his work since 1996, he's an inspiration to me.

Anywho, the other day I was at the mall and I watched as this mother of two had an emotional conversation over her cellphone. She came into the food court with her two children in tow (both under the age of seven). My eavesdropping led me to find out that some guy had told some untruths about her. It appeared that she was on the phone with another friend who was telling her what this "Tom dude" had been saying about something she'd done. She seemed floored and hurt. As she spent at least 15 minutes discombobulated and trying to convince the other person that she hadn't done "such a thing," her daughter tried to control and handle her younger sibling (remember, they're under the age of seven). The young girl did as best she could as her mother unraveled at the seams. After about 15 minutes, she did get off the phone and leave the food court, but I was to bump into her again in Macy's. Once again she was on the phone with a friend (or enemy, cause sometimes what seems to be a friend is actually an enemy) trying to explain how shaken up she was over this lie. As she conversed, once again, her daughter tried to keep the younger sibling and herself together. Finally the mother says into the phone with a trembling voice, "I'm so upset that I'm shaking." That's when my heart sank into my belly. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she wandered in circles, oblivious to those of us who were watching. She was shaking so badly and tears were forming. **Oh my God, I'm in tears in this moment as I'm retelling it.** I wanted to run to her. I wanted to tell her to hang up the phone. I wanted her to notice her beautiful children. I wanted her to notice her OWN beauty. I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to just plain SEE. It was obvious by the Create-A-Bears her children were carrying that she'd brought them to the mall for some fun and shopping. It appeared that she'd wanted to spend quality time with them. She didn't look like a stay-at-home mom (whatever that looks like). It appeared that she'd taken the day off from work to be with those beautiful kids. I wanted to shake her out of her trance. I wanted her to enjoy that precious time that'd she'd carved out for them. I wanted her to see that she was standing in the middle of the room, looking lost, pacing in a circle over some guy who was taking precious time away from her kids. I wanted to yell

Fuck Him!!!!
You don't need this Shit!

In the end, I didn't say anything--the old Nikki would have approached her. It wasn't meant for me to say anything. God had given me the opportunity, once again, to see one of the reasons why I'm here on earth. And this time, I couldn't deny the tug...the knowing. I've been on a long internal journey the last two months. And I'm trying to remain calm and centered as I listen to my soul's specific instructions. These instructions scare me, but the more I follow them, the easier the road gets and the more fun I'm having.

That lady has no idea how her episode in Macy's has helped me--sometimes God's answers and miracles come in strange packaging.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I Gotta Run

Sometimes I go through spells where I just have to run. Walking won't do. Jogging won't help. I need a good run. A hard sweat. A pounding heartbeat. And while I'm running, I need to have some good R&B music vibrating my eardrums to the point of damaging them--give me Keith Sweat, Guy, Jodeci, New Edition, R.Kelly, BBD, Mint Condition, Aaron Hall, Jaheim, Silk, H Town (Kockin' Da Boots, baby, remember that song?) .... And maybe a little Jay-Z. And not new school Jay-Z, I'm talking his first album, true hardcore hip-hop. Just give me the music. And I'm off. Off to my running thoughts. My dreams. When I'm running it's a meditation. I see clearly and think clearly. I know who I am, what I should be doing, and what I'm capable of. I'm on my stationary I set my eyes on a fixed point...that point usually starts to resemble something...a few lint spots on the couch start to look like a smile. I stay fixed on that point. My arms cutting through the air and sending a smooth breeze past me. My neck is strong, my legs solid. I'm in the stride. I just have to run. Sometimes I look up and two hours have passed--just in the zone. When it's all over, I'm rejuvenated (like I was when this spurt happened on Sunday night) or I'm overly tired, kinda sick, and sore all over (like what happened last night). But the end feeling isn't what matters. I was running. And in the moment, nothing was as exhilarating.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Up and Going?

Um, a sista's computer was down for 2 weeks. After I got it out of the shop, I didn't have any desire to get on it. Now that a small bit of that desire has returned, I have been inundated with emails. I had hundreds of emails. And to top it off, lots of them were personal emails from you guys. And what does that tell me? You all were holdin' a sista' down. And the least I could do was get on the friggin' computer and give my peoples a shout out!

Hey Y'all!

I don't think I'll ever catch up on all of the emails you all sent. Just know that I love every one of you.

Congrats to my cousin Keyla on the birth of her first-born (Kiersten was one day early from sharing Isom's birthday!)

Speaking of Isom, he turned one last week.

Happy Birthday Sir Isom!

Happy Belated 40th Birthday to my cousin Subrina. She's one of my eldest first cousins on my mom's side.

Happy Belated Birthday Maria!

That's it for now. I'm about to go and look at Keyla's blog to see if she's had time in her "new mommy" schedule to post pics of Kiersten.

Last tidbit:

Less than 30 days to Thembi & Preston's wedding. I received my dress the other day, it's beautiful! If anyone knows of any upcoming balls to which I could wear this amazing gown again, let a sista know. I'll also need a date (maybe Paul might come up and escort a lonely sista! hint, hint! Y'all know he's my dream guy.). Man, this gown is so gorgeous that I've got to wear it a FEW more times.