Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Let Life Happen

The more plans you make, the less space God & Mother Nature have to grant your wishes.

The more you worry, the less time you have to enjoy the moment.

The more you beat up on yourself, the less you can appreciate the progress you've made.

The more you procrastinate, the less you can achieve in this lifetime.

The more you give into your instincts, the more you are and can be.

Let life happen.

And if you don't let life unfold its story to you, you'll try writing your own, and you'll miss out on wonders that you never knew were possible.

You asked for just enough to get by and God & Mother Nature granted it to you.

The funny thing?

They'd planned on giving you the world.

You can keep on planning.

Me, I'm going for the gold.

I'm gonna do my best and then sit back, enjoy the ride, and see what the end is gonna be.

And I bet it's more than I could have ever planned for myself.

Feel free to join me!

--Miss Nikki Ann

Hey, AP! Write that book!

Mini Update

Going to bed early didn't work out so well. Before hitting the sack I decided to have myself a cool drink of water. Within minutes my stomach was twisting and turning, head was swirling, and body was sweating. It was awful. I felt as if I needed to vomit, but flashbacks of being sick & pregnant kept me from going there. My first night in my bed alone and I spent it in agony. Needless to say I still need sleep. *sigh* Sometimes a sista' just can't win.

What are you guys up to? Send me a comment!

Erica, Crystal & Deb, I left you guys a comment on the last post.

Tunisia, I sent you an email.

Me, I'm bidding for cute baby clothes on eBay and putting together items for my next set of eBay auctions for the week.

Isom has a gym class today, but I don't think we're going. After feeling so ill last night and losing more sleep, I've given up.

For those of us who have been supporting Weight Loss Girl, she has a new post up from last Wednesday (sorry I'm just telling you guys). I haven't had time to respond to her new post, but feel free to go over and give her your support at: http://amidestinedforever.blogspot.com/.

It's cold in Connecticut. Isom and I spent the morning staring out of the glass, screen door. He took much exhilaration in touching the cold glass and then pulling his hand back as if he'd been shocked. He'd turn to me, give me a smirk, and go for it again. He did this over and over until I couldn't take standing with the cold air wisping past us. When I closed the door he cried and screamed--I opened it just to see if he was upset about not being able to enjoy the glass, and by golly, as soon as the cold air hit us, he was happy. Silly little boy.

But I did have a longing to bring him to the park and get on the swings. I am in need of a swing fix. For those who don't know, I live next to a park. I have spent many quiet mornings swinging and enjoying my connectedness with the earth, as the wind rushed passed me. For you boring adults who haven't tried it in awhile, get back in touch with your inner child. Find a swing, a park, or something and just play. You'll be amazed at what it does for you.

I'm out!

Monday, February 27, 2006

Sleep Deprivation

Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm here. I'm going to bed early--trying to work on this "sleep deprivation" problem.

Um, sometimes I enjoy using words that I am not fully clear about in meaning. I took the time to look up "sleep deprivation" and the definition is the condition of being robbed of sleep, in real life or in experiment, as opposed to being unable to sleep.

Wow! Robbed of sleep! So I had chosen the correct term. I have been robbed of sleep for 18 months. Eighteen months! I was sick my entire pregnancy, so I couldn't sleep well, and Isom is 9 months old, and I haven't slept a full night since his birth. ROBBED!

But now it's time. It's time for this first-time mom to regain her sleep. It's time to enter into Snooze Land, a place where dreams happen and sanity returns. I am officially moving Isom into his bedroom. *sigh* Actually he's in there now, crying and screeching to the top of his lungs. I hated to see the little fella go, but it was a must--we didn't paint and stencil his room for nothin'!

So I'm leaving you now, just as I left him. Sweet dreams to you all.

Besos y abrazos!

Thursday, February 23, 2006


At my last session with Kathy, I shed some tears. Yes, most of the tears were because we were parting, but another set of tears was because I knew I hadn't fulfilled one of my heart's desires.

Over the course of my therapy, Kathy asked that I make a collage, and as time progressed, I added more and more things to that collage. Well, a couple of weeks had passed since I'd added anything to my collage, but I still carried the collage with me to the last session. When Kathy asked about the collage, I was overwhelmed, and my eyes filled with tears. Why? Simply because I had not honored my hearts desire to collage more often--it was that simple. I had a desire to do more collaging, and I hadn't taken time to honor that, and it upset me to no end. Kathy assured me that my collaging days didn't need to be over and that I should continue to use this tool to deal with my stress and trauma. So, today I started a collaging scrapbook. This way I can make as many collages as I like and they'll be contained in one book. But, I'd like to share the original collage with you guys. My little raw work of art. All of the pictures were collected over time and represent different parts of my progress within my therapy sessions. Here goes:

The collage actually had an outside cover. The outside represented what our sessions were about: my having choices, staying one step ahead of my anger, trying to shut the alarm off so that I can get to my mental files, tuning in to my feeling, emotions, taking time to slow down... But the middle had a cutout which foreshadowed what I was actually going through: feeling lost. (That's the word "lost" in the middle.)

It's hard to see everything in the collage, but the inside represents my stressful feelings and the tools I'm using to deal with the stress and trauma.

Here's a closer shot of the right side of the collage. The lided container represents things that are going on inside that I don't have to deal with today. They can neatly be stored here until I'm ready. The clock represents my ability to slow down and stay in the "now." The words "imagine," "wait to rage!," "wait to explode," all speak for themselves. The mirror represents truly seeing myself. And it's hard to see, but the words SOS and FREEDOM are written all over the collage. SOSing is a tool I use to refocus. And FREEDOM represents the steps I take to addressing my stress and trauma:

Focus, self-orient, slow down
Recognize triggers
Evaluate emotions
Evaluate thoughts
Define goals
Organize Options
Make a contribution

On the left side, there's a picture of a file (hard to see, it's at the top right). And the file represents my brain and the files I'm unable to get to when my stress and trauma alarm is blaring. The word sensitive is on here; I get overly sensitive when I'm stressed. You see that black, tiny radio at the bottom right. The word "can't" is next to it; this represents how I can't "tune in" to my true feelings when I'm stressed. To the bottom left, a lady is opening some blinds, and next to her is a window with blinds and a flower in the front. This shows how I'm slowing opening up and how "beautiful" (hence the flower) my outlook is becoming. And last, to the top left is a plastic, see through file, a paper shredder, and two trash bins. This represents the stuff I am willing to see and deal with. Stuff that I've decided to shred and throw away in the trash.

Phew! Maybe one day I'll share my collage scrapbook with you guys.

Yes, I'm missing Kathy, but I am hard at work with the skills she's helped me to cultivate. I hope to make her proud. I hope to make myself proud. I hope to make all of you proud.

Next topic:

Anywho, remember when I asked you guys to submit photos for my "A Glimpse Into My Life Through Pictures and Blurbs" project? Well, no one did. It's okay. I know folks are busy and don't have time to be playin' around wit no darn photos. But, I put mine together, and I wanted to share it with you all. I have take my theme from all of the work I'd done with Kathy. I took some photos of my different emotions and pieced them together as a little slide show. I'm titling this piece: Traumatic Emotions.

You know the drilll, click on the following link and choose the album titled Traumatic Emotions. Then choose slideshow. Here's the link: http://photos.yahoo.com/nikkifulse And please feel free to submit your photos if you so desire (my email: nikkifulse@yahoo.com).


My Writing Space:

Come Share My World

It was good having you over. I'll see you all latas!

Dunkin' Flippin' Donuts!

this is an audio post - click to play
"And I can't flippin' believe it!"

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Kathy's Back

Hi. What are you guys up to? Me, I'm packaging eBay items and packing Isom's clothes for the trip. I've allotted myself 3 days to pack--I hate packing. I get so worked up from the packing process that I start having mini anxiety attacks. There's something about all those tiny pieces that I need to pool together in an orderly fashion--man, it gets to me.

In 1998 I'd decided that I needed to become a minimalist, as far as packing was concerned. In the past, my packing had been out of control, and I'd haul 3 bags for a weekend trip. One time, Jessica and I decided to backpack around Florida--to the Keys & Miami. We were gonna take Greyhound and stay in hostels and stuff. I had recently shaved my relaxed hair off, and was sporting a short do (if I find a picture from the trip, I'll post it). It was hot as hell in Florida, and I can remember our agonizing over what to pack. We had tons and tons of bags, but we refused to leave anything behind--I mean, you'd never know what ya' might need, ya' know? We wound up with these huge pieces of luggage and we were carrying the kitchen sink. This is the trip where we coined the phrase: bourgeois Backpacking, for those sistas who want the experience of backpacking, but don't want to suffer fashionably for it. We ran across lots of other backpackers sporting just that, backpacks! But not us, we just had to have it all. You can only imagine our horror and frustration as we tried to lug that mess around in 100 degree temperatures. It was sick!

Erica & Maria, do you remember when we were studying abroad in Costa Rica and I'd be the Suburbanite hauling loads of stuff for our weekend excursions to the beach?

Wait a minute! Erica, I remember when you said you spotted me on the plane in Miami headed for Costa Rica and you were wondering who that fool was with all of that stuff! LOL

Anywho, over the years I'd learned how to travel with one mini, rolling piece of luggage and my purse (I've been to all sorts of exotic ports with that one, tiny rolling bag). But now that I have Isom, that idea has been thrown out of the window. I'm back to toting my whole life on the road. Actually, I still only pack a few interchangeable items for myself, it's Sir Isom's stuff that takes up all the space. I guess since he's royalty, he needs it all: high chair (yes, we travel with his high chair), mesh incline for baths, clothes-clothes-clothes (you know royalty change outfits a few times a day), playpen, soft baby towels, grooming products, baby spoons and bowls, baby food (I make baby food when I'm home, but I buy prepackaged stuff for the road), bottles for his water, breastpump, breastmilk storage bags...

Phew! You get the gist.

Anywho, Kathy's back and I'll visit with her today for the last time. **sigh** I am looking forward to this visit, as much as I'm dreading the end of our time together. Well, I must go and get ready for our 3:30 appointment.

Oh, I FINALLY got my hair cut and my brows waxed! See!

I'll chat with you all later.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Passion, Talent & Art

You know, we are all amazing. And despite the fact that most of us probably aren't millionaires, we have talents that are worth billions. Most of our talents stem from our passions, and our simple passions can manifest beautiful art.

Me, I am passionate about telling stories TO MYSELF. And my passion for doing this has led to my talent in writing. My talent in writing has become a form of art that others say they enjoy.

You see, it all started out as a simple PASSION. I have been telling myself LONG stories since I was a child. I would spend hours in my basement making up stories for my Barbie dolls to act out. As I go older, those stories became more complex and intricate. Today I have whole novels already written in my head. I also have many stories that I continue to mentally piece together over the years. The novel that I'd written years ago was, first, a story that I'd told myself over and over again, until, one day, I started telling it to my friend Jessica. From the way I remember it, the story was so long that I had to tell it to her over the course of a few days! In the end, I named the main character after her. It was 1999, and it was the first time I'd ever shared my passion.

Passion. The thing you'd do even if you weren't getting paid. I mean, I'm still creating stories in my head, and on paper, and I've NEVER received a dime for doing it. And really, if I never made a dime from it, I'd still die happy because I enjoyed every minute of it--honestly! You could call me on the phone today and ask me to go through my mental file of novels to entertain you with--and I'd waste no time in doing it.

Anywho, let me explain to you where this rant is coming from. Saturday I stumbled on this woman's blog. She's a Vegan Cook/Mom and makes these AMAZINGLY healthy and BEAUTIFUL lunches for her child. I was amazed at how she'd taken her PASSION for food, utilized it as her TALENT, and then turned it into beautiful ARTwork.

So, today's post is a visual thing. I want you guys to see how a simple passion becomes art. Here goes:

Wow, I am so moved by these photos. I feel as if I'm viewing some priceless painting. I was actually moved to tears when I viewed these. Can you believe that these pics are of her child's lunch? Wow! **Nikki sighs**

I feel the same excitement about my mom's passion for cooking that has turned into her talent that she utilizes as art by making us some amazing cuisine. And yes, my mom STILL cooks THREE MEALS A DAY!!!!

So my questions to you are:

1. Where does your passion lie?
2. How have you utilized your passion and turned it into talent?
3. Has your talent become visible artwork?

And remember, it doesn't have to be a passion that you've made a profit off of. Example: AP Manque loves to write poems. It seems to me that she's very PASSIONATE about it, so she started a blog and utilized her Passion as a Talent. And once she did that, it turned into written ART that we could visually enjoy.

Here's another example: A girl has a Passion for braiding hair and she does intricate designs on her dolls for fun. Soon she utilizes her Passion as a Talent and starts braiding folks hair in the neighborhood. Now her Passion has manifested into Art that folks everywhere can appreciate when they stumble on a person who's had their hair braided by her.

That's it for now. I hope to hear from at least one of you about your Passion, Talent & Art. And if you're ever feeling down today, come back to this page a browse through those delightful pictures, that should boost your spirit.

Please note: The photos are courtesy of Vegan Lunch Box. Please take time to visit her blog. I was only able to give you a small taste of this woman's talents.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Muscadine Vine

There are some interesting things happening over at The Muscadine Vine. Feel free to snoop around!

The Muscadine Vine

"Transitioning from 'Serve Us' to Service" -- Rev. Dion Greer

A.P. Manque

A.P. is one of our friends here at Miss Nikki Ann's House. A lot of you may have seen comments that she's left. I just want to turn the spotlight on this talented woman. She and I have never met, but I feel a kindred spirit in her. Her writing flows across the page and makes you forget that you are only seeing mere letters and words. Her poetry... Hmmmmm... Her poetry moves you in unmentionable ways. Her last poetic installment was a comedic freestyle verse about the Weekend. Aptly named, Ode to the Weekend, it is a poem that helped me laugh and down shift gears, from a hectic week to a calm weekend. Her previous poems are more about "matters of the heart." I think love is one of her strong points, and her verse proves just that.

So please, I'd like to introduce you all to A.P. Manque. You can click on the following link to be directed to her page. And once you're there, scroll down to find some of her earlier poetic installments--you won't be disappointed.


Saturday, February 18, 2006

I Ain't My Momma!

I was on the phone with LuCiana and she made this statement: "I don't know how mom did it." LuCiana was referring to my mother and how she managed to raise two kids, while maintaining a very orderly life. LuCiana has a husband, four kids, and works a full- and part-time job.

In response to her statement, I gave this speech for both she and I to hear:

There's a point where we have to realize that we are enough. Just today my mother asked me, "Nikki, why do you only wash ONE load of Isom's clothes a day?" And I answered to her, "Because I'm Nikki and that's what works for ME." And just yesterday my dad said to me, "You know, it might be time for Isom to sleep in his crib in HIS room." I then told him, "Um, I'm not trying to be funny, but let me tell you something. MY name is Nikki Ann, and I am Isom's mother."

You see, there is a point where we have to be okay with our gifts and talents. Yes, my mother is very talented and amazing to the point where she appears to be superhuman. But, the reality is that she, too, has weaknesses.

God has blessed us all with talents. Some folks talents APPEAR to outshine others, but that doesn't mean that they are more talented. Hey, I think my mom is great, but she ain't wrote no novel. I did. And damnit, I'm gonna pat myself on the back for that. Hey, I might not be great at washing Isom's clothes, but I have my own gifts.

You're talking about how awesome Mom is, personally, LuCiana, I think you make me look bad. You and Tunisia are amazing women, and you make me look like a pathetic loser. I'm amazed at the amount of stuff you guys can do at once.

LuCiana and I both laughed, because she got the message that the grass ain't greener. God has given EACH of us enough talent and skills to kick butt in this lifetime. But we've got to stop comparing ourselves to what others have done. We were sent here to be individuals. We were built with different personalities, likes, and dislikes. It's the name of the game: Being different. Yes, we should pat my mother and our other elders on the back for a job well done. But we should also note that we, too, have led amazing lives. And that is enough.

Thank you Deb and Kathy for helping ME to see that. It has made a world of a difference in my life.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Challenges & Addictions

After reading our Weight Loss Girl's blog and reading some insightful comments by Maria, I started to do some thinking. For the most part, I believe we all have Challenges & Addictions. And to me, challenges can go hand-in-hand with addictions, so I'm gonna couple them together.

Some Challenges & Addictions are easy to point out: weight, drugs, compulsive disorders, rage... But, what about those covert things that aren't so obvious? It's easy to badger an overeater and demand that they lose weight--they're wearing their Challenge & Addiction on the outside. But those of us with less obvious Challenges & Addictions can go unnoticed.

Example: Hello, my name is Nikki Ann, and I'm a Fusser.

It might seem simple enough to you, right? Doesn't seem like an addiction, maybe a challenge, but not an addiction, right? Well, trust me, it's both. Sometimes I get so caught up in fussing that I can't see straight. It ruins my day, my appetite, and my zest for life. At times, I start fussing at 7 AM in the morning, and it takes until nightfall for me to snap out of it. Most of the time my mom will point out that I'm on a FUSSING BINGE. Did you read that? A fussing BINGE.

You guys have heard of binge eating as a disorder. Well, I don't binge on food, I binge on fussing! Seriously! To a level where if went unchecked, it could destroy my life. And I can't explain why I've chosen to challenge myself with this addiction (and I do believe we, consciously or unconsciously, CHOOSE these experiences).

**hold up...let me meditate and connect for a moment...**

**Minutes pass**

**More minutes pass**

Okay, after a little (a lot, actually) meditating and quieting myself, I've discovered that my fussiness is my armor. It's my angry face. It's a tool I use to keep the world and its craziness at a distance.

Just look at it. When I'm fussy, no one wants to deal with me. So, in that way, I do accomplish my task of alienating people.

And why would I want to alientate people?

Because I am afraid. I have this whispering thought that the world is a horrid place. That most people are mean. That it's hard to find anything good in people.

Phew! That was eyeopening for me.

I basically just applied all the tools that Kathy has been teaching me for months. I'm proud of myself. And hopefully, now that I understand where this fussiness is stemming from, I can be more conscious when it's happening. Actually, I'm feeling that way today. So, let me check it before it gets worse.

Challenges & Addictions are sometimes with us for life. We may NEVER overcome them all (just how AA members feel that they're always in recovery). But, Maria and I both feel that it's possible to MANAGE and MONITOR them--manage and monitor so that they don't take over our life and prevent us from making progress. And let me add that our Challenges & Addictions are what make us colorful. If it weren't for them, we'd all be carbon copies of one another. And hell, that's just plain boring.

Don't beat yourself up if you're having a hard time fighting your Addictions to food, TV, sex, drugs, money, stress, love (yup, it can be an addiction if you don't have SELF-LOVE), cars, drama, hate, fear... Instead, know that it might be a lifelong process to dealing with these issues, but you can find peace with Monitoring & Managing them.

Now, I'd like to hear from you all. What are your unusual Challenges & Addictions? Not the obvious ones, but the covert ones. The things that one might not know about you from looking from the outside. Please leave me a comment (yes it can be anonymous) or email me. And for those of you QUIET readers, I'd like to hear from one of you. Come out of hiding! I don't bite.

A little bit of business:

You guys are always listening to my ramblings about my life. Instead, I'd like for you guys to participate. I'm looking for those of you who are willing to submit pictures and blurbs about yourself. The pictures can be old childhood, teen, or twenty-something photos. Or they can be more recent pics. Choose pictures that tell a story. It doesn't even have to be a picture of you. Just a picture that you love and that you can write a short blurb about (the blurb should at least be ONE sentence so I can have an idea of what your feelings are about the photo). And feel free to submit more than one photo. Get crazy, go through you photos and send as many as you like. My only request is that if you do send more that a few pics, you'll need to resize them to about 400x300 pixels--this way it's easier to upload.

I don't know exactly how I'm gonna put this project together, but I'll think of something.

The theme is:

A Glimpse Into My Life Through Pictures and Blurbs

And I don't want to scare you folks off with the blurb part. If you're not into writing, simply send me the picture and I'll come up with my own blurb. Email me at nikkifulse@yahoo.com with your photos or any questions.

And folks, I'm really looking for your support on this. I'm hoping that at least 3 people will submit photos. MAKE A CONTRIBUTION!

I'm O-U-T...OUT!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Make a Contribution Time!

Okay, first a shout out to my cousin Subrina. Hey Sub! I'm happy you liked the pictures. And I, too, think number 15 is a good one.

Subrina you asked about the oatmeal raisin cookies we made the other day. Before I give you the recipe, here's an anecdote for everyone else (since My grandmother is also Subrina's grandmother) about those infamous cookies:

The first time I made the Vanishing Oatmeal Raisin cookies was around 1997/1998. Grandma was here for the Christmas Holiday, and I decided to bake some cookies. I found a great recipe on the top of the Quaker Oats Oatmeal container. Grandma helped me through the process and my cousin Tony was our taste tester (he has a very discerning tongue). Here's the important thing to note, lots of my grandmother's cooking/baking is done by taste. So, I'm not sure if she went EXACTLY by the recipe. I can just hear her saying, "Baby, just let me put another pinch of dis here in there." From there, she'd probably proceeding to put WAAAAY more than a pinch. But that's cause the woman knows what she's doing. In the end, the cookies were a hit! And Tony's taste buds don't lie. Baking those cookies with Grandma Ida Mae is one of my fondest memories of being in the kitchen--and boy do I have fond kitchen memories, and they all involve me stuffing my face.

Anywho, here's the recipe. This time when I made them, they didn't taste like the ones I made with Grandma, but they were still bangin'.

Vanishing Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

1 cup (2 sticks) margarine or butter, softened
1 cut firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
3 cups Quaker Oats (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
1 cup raisins

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Beat together margarine and sugars until creamy.
3. Add eggs and vanilla; beat well.
4. Add combined flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt; mix well.
5. Stir in oats and raisins; mix well.
6. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet.
7. Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown.
8. Cool 1 minute on cookie sheet; remove to wire rack.

Makes about 4 dozen

If you want to make them into Bar Cookies:

Bake 30 to 35 minutes in ungreased 13x9-inch metal baking pan

Please note: That recipe is MY contribution to you guys!

Now, I know some of you guys had asked how our weightloss girl is doing. She has two new posts up and I left a comment on each. Soooooooo, ya' know what today is:


I'm looking for 5 folks to head on over to her blog and give her a gentle pat on the back. Say something inspiring and motivating. Maria, your wisdom would be a great help to her. Her last post seemed a little down, and I don't want her to remain in that funk.

**Hmmmm, it's funny how invested I am in this "unknown" woman's struggle.**

Click the following link to be directed to her page: http://amidestinedforever.blogspot.com/. And if you've been to her blog before, it might be necessary to hit your browser's refresh button for the page to update itself. I go to her site everyday. Up until today, I'd forgotten to hit the refresh button and that's why I didn't know that she'd added two new post. Also, it's important that you hit refresh when you come to my blog each day.

Now, our second CONTRIBUTION. My dear friend Deb (Zohar's mom) hosts a "Birth Stories" group here in Connecticut. Before I continue, here's a little blurb and some info on it:

“Birth Stories is a supportive gathering for moms, expectant mothers and future expectant mothers to talk about labor and birth experiences, and to share and receive advice. It is held at the Alchemy Juice Bar Cafe, a child-friendly natural restaurant with a play area, so feel free to bring partners and kids. For more information call Deborah at 860-521-3084.

The next meeting will be at 4 P.M. on Saturday, February 25th, at 203 New Britain Avenue, Hartord, CT.

To me, that blurb doesn't fully get at the meat of what this group or her mission is about. Deb birthed Zohar naturally. She labored for 5 days, and then birthed him in a birthing tub. Deb is committed to seeing women have the births THEY desire. And this is not exclusive of cesareans and epidurals. She's not into "every woman should have a natural birth." She's more like, if a woman wants an epidural/cesarean birth/natural birth/birthing at home/birthing in a hospital, that she should strive for the experiences that best suit her.

I'm rambling on this one. Deb is better at explaining it.

So here's my point. Deb is in the process of writing a book on women's birth stories and encouraging women to have the births they desire. She's looking for women from all walks of life to contribute their stories. If you're interested in telling her your story or being a part of the process, email her at WayneJ2434@aol.com or email me at nikkifulse@yahoo.com.

Finally, I know you guys always hear me talking about Isom's best friend, Isom's playgroup and Isom's gym class. Well, I've put together an album of those things. Feel free to take a look. The title of the album is Isom & Zohar. Don't forget to click on "slideshow." And once you're there, you can adjust the speed of the show. Here's the link: http://photos.yahoo.com/nikkifulse.

Okay, I must honor my body and go to bed. My doctor got some of my test results back and he says my iron is fine. Which means...... He was right in saying that a sister is probably is need of some real sleep. Did I tell you guys that my primary care physician is the husband of Isom's pediatrician? Yeah, great. So I think they're exchanging notes, making sure that I'm not having post partum depression and stuff. I find that they are brilliant doctors. And I love how he's into NATURAL ways of healing. And I love how she's a breastfeeder! She was pregnant at the same time I was, her baby and Isom are only 3 months a part. So I think my doctor is getting a real sense of what's going on in my life with this new baby. And being that they're both doctors, they're probably getting way less sleep than I am. God bless them--they have two other kids, too.

Okay, I'm rambling again.

I'm out!

**and um, i have no desire or energy to look this over and edit it. so, don't waste your time pointing out typos and stuff. and for future reference, never waste your time pointing it out because this is the one place i can come and not give a crap about stuff like that.**

My thoughts as I am driving Isom home from gym class...

this is an audio post - click to play

Internet Failure

My internet connection was down last night. I'd just finished reading all of your comments and was looking at Maria's blogs, when boom! I couldn't get anything. So, I spent the night editing my book, and was in bed by 9:30 (which was probably for the best).

Maybe I'll find some time in Isom's busy schedule to post today. But I doubt it. He has gym class and he's supposed to be going to visit his godfather.

So, I have a little question for those of you interested.

Do you have any ANNOYING coworkers? And if so, what's makes them so dang annoying?

Leave me your comments and I should have time to chime in during the day.

FYI: I am now responding to comments that are left. So if you've left a comment, be sure to go back and see my response. Also, I'll use comments as a place to say a few things during the day. So check in during the day and see what I'm up to there.

I feel as if I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now. And anyway, Isom is crying about a silly jar of Vaseline. I don't get this baby. It's just Vaseline! But it seems to mean the world to him.

Monday, February 13, 2006

An Early Night

It's gonna be an early night for me. I left comments for those of you (TVG, Tasha Smasha, Marquita) who left them for me, so go back to the old posts and click on comments.

Hey AP, I'm waiting on you to update your blog. I need that inspirational fix!

I hope you guys have a restful night. My day was okay. Today my plastic surgeon informed me that my insurance doesn't cover the surgery for my keloids. And I visited with my primary care physician about my keloid pain and low iron. He told me that I need some sleep and sent me for some blood work. He also informed me that I might battle this iron problem for the rest of my life. Thanks, Doc! But he did say he was going to write a strongly worded letter to my insurance company about how much pain I'm in.

Anywho, that's about enough for one day. Kathy (my wonderful therapist) is in Mexico for a wedding, so we won't meet until next week. I'm gonna miss our weekly visit. I hope that by the time we meet, I will have many stories about how I've managed my stress well.

Oh, Kessa! Thank you for the Valentine's Day card. Isom and I were thrilled to receive it. We are happy to be loved by you! Smooches!

I don't know if you guys noticed, but I've added a link (look to the left) to my blog called The Muscadine Vine. Right now, all I have listed is a book for sale.

Nite Nite. You guys think of me as I will be thinking of you. My life wouldn't be as fulfilling without your presence--even if some of you never leave me comments! LOL!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Blizzard

Mom, Isom and I spent this wintry day indoors, baking homemade oatmeal cookies. It's one of those things that we Northern Folks do when we're snowed in. The smell of fresh baked cookies on a snow day is just nostalgic. And the baking keeps you busy when you feel that cabin fever about to set in.

After the cookies were done, Mom bundled Isom up, and I packed up the hot cookies. Isom and I then headed out on an adventure. We wanted my aunt (his Godmother) to have hot, fresh baked cookies, right from the oven (Aunt Theldra's the best and deserves the best!).

We walked from our house to Aunt Theldra and Uncle Robert Earl's house. When we arrived, my dad and Tony (Aunt Theldra's son) were plowing the snow (Uncle Robert Earl had heart surgery and is still in the hospital, so of course he couldn't plow it.).

Along the way, we captured some great photos. I tried (for two hours) to post the pictures on this page, but I was having problems. So, you can view the pictures by going to my yahoo photo album: http://photos.yahoo.com/nikkifulse. Choose the "Blizzard 2006" album, and then click "view slideshow." Don't forget to adjust the speed of the slideshow if you need to.

The slides are in the exact order that the pictures were taken. I labeled each picture to kinda tell the story.

One last note. Folks were telling me that they don't post comments because you have to join blogger.com to do so. Actually, you don't have to join to leave comments. What you have to do is click on "Anonymous" or "Other" to leave a comment (and don't forget to enter your name--but you don't have to). I hope that helps, and I hope that moves more of you to leave comments. Once you've left a comment, I, too, post a comment. It's quite interactive if you think about it. I hope to hear from more of you. Tasha, Tunisia, Crystal, Erica & AP are my regulars and I appreciate them. But by my recent site meter report, LOTS of you are reading this everyday. Even if all you leave is a hello, I'd be excited. Just like hearing from you guys. It keeps me motivated!

I'm tired, and trying to upload those pictures took way too long. I'm headed to bed.

Click here to view the album: http://photos.yahoo.com/nikkifulse

Snowy Connecticut Day

There's a blizzard outside, and it's beautiful. Maybe if I remember, I'll take some photos of it and post them for you Southern Folks.

Isom and I spent yesterday with his Auntie Crystal. We went to Springfield, MA to pickup Marquita (Crystal's niece/Tunisia's daughter/Isom's buddy), but wound up shopping at JC Penney Outlet for awhile. Miss Victoria (Crystal's other niece/Tunisia's other daughter/Isom's other buddy) came along for the ride, and kept Isom entertained in the back of the van.

After JC Penney, we went to Marquita's college and picked up her, her NEW boyfriend, and her friend. We dropped them over to Tunisia's and spent some time there downloading songs from Limewire and having our own private party. Marquita was in town for her 19th birthday dinner, which was held at the Texas Roadhouse.

**That's Marquita to the far right**

After leaving Tunisia's, Crystal brought me home and we sat in the car and contemplated about whether or not to go to Mohegan Sun Casino for the free Keith Sweat show. There was an impending blizzard, and we didn't know if we should venture out (also, we're just getting older and find it hard to muster up the enthusiam to do anything these days!). We decided to think on it, and I went in the house to give Isom his bath and get him ready for the evening.

After settling Isom in, I decided to go to Texas Roadhouse to celebrate with the birthday girl.

While we were there, Crystal and I decided to venture to the casino for the Keith Sweat show. I had ordered mom some shrimp, so I told Crystal I'd bring it home and then meet her at her house.

On my my home, I was driving down Tower Avenue (which means nothing to those of you outside of Connecticut) and I saw what looked like my mother's Volvo, and what looked like my father standing next to it--he was looking bewildered and crazy!

It was dark outside, so I slowed my pace and took a closer look. It was my dad! I started beeping the horn and yelling , "What in the hell is wrong?"

My mind was racing. Tower Avenue is a dark and busy road. It's next to a creepy cemetary and some woods.

I rolled down my window and asked dad what was going on. A was a little bit farther up the road from me, and I could barely make out what he was saying. He just kept pointing across the street to the woods. I made out the words: car, drag racing and woods. I pulled out my cellphone and got out of the car.

While Dad waited for a chance to cross the busy street, he was trying to tell me that he saw these guys drag racing and that they had an accident and ran into some trees in the woods--at least, I think that's what he said. Dad ran across the street and checked on one guy. He then came back across the street and said that the guy was coherent. When I asked Dad why he hadn't called the cops, he just kept saying that the guy was coherent.


**And y'all, I still don't fully understand how the accident happened. And I don't have the energy or PATIENCE to listen to my dad tell that story.**

I was about to call the cops myself, but then a HUGE group of guys came out of nowhere and went to the scene. I saw one guy pull out a cellphone. Hmph, I don't do "HUGE groups" of dudes! Heck, I didn't know if they had come to help or KILL the dude.

I just stood back and watched as my father took in the action. I could tell he wasn't about to budge. He'd probably be standing there until the cops and the newsfolk showed up.

Then time stopped for me.

I thought to myself, "Shoot, I don't have time for this. I've got to get to that Keith Sweat show. I've been dying to see this man, and nothing's gonna stop me.

I ran to the car, drove off--without saying bye to Dad--and headed home. On my way home, I had this conversation with myself:

"Stupid idiots! I'm worrying about some fools I don't even know. And for what? They ain't worryin' about me or my safety. They out here driving like they ain't got a-bit-a-sense. Dang, drag-racing. They could have killed somebody. Hell, they could have killed me. And I'm worried about them? And they putting my life in danger over some bulls*&t! I ain't missing Keith Sweat over their silliness. I hope that accident knocked some sense into their heads. That's what I hpoe. Shoot!"

My mind rambled on and on like that, all the way.

Crystal and I made it to the concert, and had the privliege of standing next to some very entertaining characters. I think we had the loudest, rowdiest section. We spent the entire time joking, laughing and getting our groove ON! Dang, man! We had a good time. We were so loud that Keith glanced over our way when one dude kept doing this loud doggy call.

Ya' know, the way Keith Sweat whines in all his songs, I expected him to be a shy dude. Actually, he's pretty cocky and raunchy. I love it! My God, I love it! The last time I saw him in concert it was in the 80's, and it was at the Hartford Civic Center. But the casino lounge setting was way more relaxed and fun. Folks played the slots while grooving to Keith's never-ending whinning. And folks promised that they were rushing home to "get in on" with their lovers. There was a bus-load of folks from Harlem, and they were way cool. Crystal caused this one dude to lose $40 on a slot machine. He thought she was his good luck charm. Too bad. Crystal, I bet Clinton wouldn't have appreciated you getting friendly with that dude, LOL!

Keith let this guy propose to his girlfriend on stage. It was interesting. She accepted, and I guess they'll live "happily ever after." Whateva!

It was a good night. And I won $70 at the nickle slot machines. I really needed that money because I'd STOLEN $40 from Preston's secert stash (It ain't so secret, cause Mom knew where it was!). And thanks to my winnings, I can put it back and still have $30 to get my haircut and my brows done. And after that, I should still have like $12 left! Thank God for short haircuts! They're so cheap and easy to manage. And my mother's classmate from Cuthbert cuts my hair, so he only charges me $10.

Anywho, Isom fell asleep in my lap while I was typing this. I'm gonna put him down and try and rest, too. I have a cold, and it's kicking my butt.

I love y'all. No, really, I do. And I'm hoping that you have a really peacful Sunday. Eat lots of hearty food, rest, and prepare your minds and soul for the upcoming workweek.

I'm out!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Just Thinking...

We want new, spectacular homes, and we get them.

We want new, better clothes, and we get them.

We want more, more money, and we get it.

We want more, more friends and we get them.

We want a better education, and we get it.


We want our children to have more than we had, and they get it.

We want to drive better cars, and we get them.

We want better everything, and we get it.


What is wrong with who we are and what we already have?

Trust me, the things that you have were once things you wanted.

There's nothing wrong with wanting more and getting more.

The problem is when you don't live in the moment and enjoy all of this "more" that you've obtained.

So, when you get in your CAR after work and turn on your RADIO; and you look in the mirror at your freshly done HAIR; and you drive home to your HOUSE filled with your beautiful life and material things; don't go inside and start bitchin'. For once. Just tonight. Sit back and watch your "crazy" kids or your "irksome" lover, and appreciate that these were once things you would have died to have.

When you feel like complaining about how filthy your house is, indulge in the memory of what it took to obtain that house. Relax and enjoy the life you've created--even if it SEEMS to be in shambles. Give your mind a minute to slow down and orient on the "now." You've worked hard to earn it/create it, and you deserve it. Chill out and have a wonderful Friday evening.

Miss Nikki Ann (who went to bed early Thursday night, but is still tired, and is finding it easy to enjoy this sunny day.)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I Made A Promise To Myself

Isom was up all last night and I'm tired. I promised myself that I'd take care of both my mental and physical health. In doing that, I need sleep. So, today I'm going to bed early in order to honor that promise.

But I don't want to leave you guys hanging, so here's a link to this really inspiring blog: Mystic Visions. This guy is amazing (in my opinion). I hope you guys like it. Leave me a message and tell me what you think about it.

Question: What promises to yourself have you broken?

Last Question: What word did you choose yesterday, and what did you come up with? Leave me a message about it.

I'm out!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

What is it that you truly desire for yourself?

Old Business:

As far as I know, 4 of us have donated to the ABCD Center. My goal was 7 people, but 4 isn't bad at all. Thank you Tasha, Tunisia and Crystal. If anyone else is interested in making a donation, you can go to: http://www.abcdcenter.org/donate.html. Also, if you are interested in knowing more about the program, click here. If you know of anyone with any resources or connections whom might be able to help my friend Erica and the ABCD Center, please email me and let me know.

New Business:

Hmmm... What are you guys up to? Me? I'm thinking. I'm thinking that you guys are brilliant. I'm thinking that most of you aren't living up to your potential.

You got up today and decided to settle for less. You got up today and didn't dream. You got up today and didn't do anything new.

What is it that you truly desire for yourself? Why are you on this planet at this specific time?

A possible task:
Pull out a piece of paper. Write one word on it. Now, carry that word around with you all day. Meditate on it. Dream on it. See what you come up with. Email me about it, if you feel like it.

Me? In this instant? I desire to make progress on my book, and that's what I'm about to do. I mean, it isn't going to edit itself. I'm leaving you now. I'm going to make progress. I hope that you, too, are able to make progress.

Last tidbit of info:

A fry at McDonald's has:

--30 grams of fat
--8 grams of "dangerous" trans fat
--570 calories

Click here to read more about how McDonalds says its "fries are fattier than reported."

Now, go and meditate on your word. I'm off to edit my novel.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Coretta Scott King 1927-2006

As I'm typing this post, I'm watching Coretta Scott King's memorial service. Mayor Shirley Franklin of Atlanta is speaking. She said, "I am here because they lived. And I am here because they struggled." She spoke of Coretta's strength, not as a wife, but as a mother. Hmmm...Mother. Beautiful.

I had to take yesterday off from posting. My mind and body were, and in some way, still are, drained.

Super Bowl was fun and the food was overwhelming. In the end, Thembi's cake was awesome, and as of this moment, there's only a small hunk left. I did win $25 in the 2nd quarter. Yea for me!!!!

For those of you who gave a donation to the ABCD Center, I need you to mail me your addresses so that I can get them to Erica.

Right now, I'm doing some thinking. Trying not to be too hasty in my actions. I'm going to give myself more time to ponder before making any moves.

Anywho, just wanted you guys to know that I'm here. I'll post again later.

And let me give a random shout out to my best friend Kirk!! They've been working his butt of at his job. I can remember when Kirk and I would chat for 2 hours on the phone while we were working. I mean, we'd be talking about absolutely nothing! He's a computer engineer, and I'd often wondered if he actually did any work. Now that they've got his colored butt working for that money, I'm pretty sure he'd rather be having meaningless conversations with me. LOL

Kirk and I have this way of laughing over silence. The silence is because we both know we ain't got a bit of sense--not one bit. Kirk's wife, Nuchette, is pregnant. And this baby couldn't have picked a better set of parents. His/her life will be filled with lots of love and more laughter than you can imagine.

I'm off. Take care.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super Bowl Sunday!

Let's go, team!!!

**um, Nikki knows nothing about the football. And all I know about this year's game is that the Steelers are in it (I think!)**

Shout out to my cousin Wallace. He's a big Steelers fan.

My brother is in the kitchen putting together his last minute stuff for the game. Right now he's smoking his beef brisket and he'll be fryin' up the turkey soon. Mom did all of her cooking yesterday. And Thembi made my grandmother's infamous pound cake. From what I can see, it looks like Thembi did a great job (this was her first time making it without Grandma's help).

Me, I spent the last hour cleaning out a drawer. I got my inspiration from Flylady.com. I'd been thinking about cleaning that thing for weeks now. I decided to go with Flylady's advice and do a quick cleaning of the drawer.

My goal was to throw out 15 times that I no longer needed or used. The next thing I knew, I'd thrown out over 100 things, and it only took me about 15 minutes. 15 minutes! All of that procrastination because I thought the task would take longer, and in the end--15 minutes! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I feel so much better since letting go of that stuff. After hearing the Reverend's speech, "Clearance Sale: Everything Must Go!," I promised myself that I'd get rid of some things. Well, I've accomplished that task, and I plan to keep on going. Join me in the effort, if you'd like, and get rid of unwanted clutter--like those shoes you haven't worn in 8 years, but you love them so much. Chuck 'em. Or give them to a friend who can make use of them.

The law of material flow goes something like this: Let go in order to receive.

If your closet or home is stuffed to the maximum, you won't have room for your new material goods.

Clearance Sale: Everything Must Go

And as you're cleaning, you'll find that your mind becomes uncluttered.

And remember, this is about baby steps. You goal is not to clean an entire room. If you were to clean out one thing for ONLY 5 minutes each day, you'd soon find that 5 minutes does add up and make a difference. We have to start somewhere. Baby steps.

And this goes for clean/neat people, too. I'm very neat and organized, so, for me, it's about going into my neat folders and drawers and getting rid of the old so that the new can come in. I had some paperwork from 1996! And I'm not saying get rid of important documents. But, lots of things that we THINK are important, just aren't. So be picky about what you keep.

I'm gonna shut up now. The baby is down for his nap and I'd rather spend this time laughing in the kitchen with dad, Preston, and Thembi. My dad and Thembi are on the phone harassing my Uncle Wayne.

People, my family's life revolves around the kitchen and all of its aromatic smells. The kitchen is connected to a sunken den, so it's a great place to watch TV and chat while watching whomever is making magic in the kitchen. I love it. And I love y'all!

Now, I'm off to drink this Bloody Mary that Preston's made for me--the doggone thing is giving me heartburn, though.



I'm up, it's 12:51 AM, and it's getting late. I'm tired, but my mind won't stop racing. It always seems as if there is so much to do and so little time. The reality is that "life is a process" and we can't possibly do it all in one day. But that can be a hard thing to accept when you want something done "yesterday." Ultimately, this type of thinking isn't good for our health. Like, I'm a tired as heck and I should really be in bed. If I'd go to do, I'd have proper rest and I'd be better suited to take on the challenges of the upcoming day. So...

I'm sending my butt to bed!

But two things before I go:

1. There's this wonderful site called Fly Lady that sends out various emails to help you get your life organized. I've known about it for about a year. I think it's a great thing for those who feel overwhelmed by clutter and tasks. Those who feel so overwhelmed that they are defeated even before they start. Here's the link: Flylady.com. It's a great site to browse if you're at work, bored, and need a little something to entertain you. And be sure to pass it along to any of your friends who are chanllenged with procrastination and clutter.

2. Tomorrow--actually, today--is Super Bowl Sunday. I hope everyone enjoys the FOOD and game.

I'm off to bed!

Saturday, February 04, 2006

The End of Another Work Week

I posted this on Friday, but somehow it got deleted. So I'm posting it back.

I hope everyone had a very easygoing and productive week. Me, I'm headed to bed. It's 11:30 PM and I'm tired. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Everyday is a new opportunity to start over and create a new experience.

I went to Revival at Allen Chapel tonight, and the Reverend preached a sermon titled: Clearance Sale: Everything Must Go! The idea is that we have to clean out our junk in order to make room for the new. Simple concept, right? Hmph, if it were that simple the world would be a different place. The Reverend says that it's a process and that it doesn't usually happen over night.

Hey, these are things that we already know. It's just that we need reminders to revitalize our attitudes and our spirits--fuel up our tanks to be able to go the next mile. Phew! And boy do I need some fuel.

The body can't go forever without rest, and so I'll chat with you tomorrow.

May your dreams bring you back to your childhood fantasies.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Piping Hot News!

Ferry with 1,500 sinks; 180 survivors rescued

‘Dozens of bodies’ found in Red Sea; growing fear hundreds perished

Crystal, when I read this, I thought of you. Girl, we've got to stay off of these boats! And I'm serious.

To read more on this at MSN.com, click here: Ferry with 1,500 Sinks.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog Day

Nikki's Life:

Isom and I had a wonderful lunch date with Deb and Zoey. The waitress was horrible, Deb's food sucked, but my meal was excellent (sorry, Deb!). I must give Deb her credit, she remained cool while dealing with our clueless waitress. Here's what the waitress had working against her:

1. She sucks at waitressing and shouldn't be doing it. Sister needs to find another calling!

2. She came over to our table and then forgot we existed. We didn't see her again for ages. By the time she got to us, Isom and Zoey were graduating high school.

3. She admitted that she forgot to bring Deb her milkshake (which was melted by the time it came to the table).

4. Deb's Ceasar Salad didn't have much Ceasar, if you know what I mean, but it seemed as if the waitress didn't want to bring her more dressing.

5. She forgot to bring Deb her coffee, but she claimed that it wasn't that he'd forgotten, but that she was making a fresh pot. In the end, she didn't charge Deb for the coffee. **Whoopy! Now Deb can afford to send Zoey to private school! LOL.**

The whole time I expected Deb to blow her lid. But she kept her cool and was very thoughtful about the situation. She said something like "it's bad enough she's not good at her job. I'd hate to not tip her well and take food from her kids' mouths. But at the sametime, I'd don't want to overtip and have her miss the point that her service sucks." (Deb, I'm sorry if I didn't do your words justice).

Anywho, Isom and Zoey were thrilled to be sitting in high chairs and throwing crumbs of food on the floor. They made the biggest mess! And Isom smeared gooey baby biscuits all over Zoey's shirt--and y'all know I can't afford to be replacein' nobody's clothes!

Deb and I are still breastfeeding. We fed the babies in the restaurant, but spent that whole time trying to keep them from flashing our boobs. I love being with Deb. She makes me feel comfortable about being a breastfeeding mom. Once, we breastfed Isom and Zoey outside at a restaurant. (Here's to proper nutrition, regardless of what onlookers think!)

By the time we left the restaurant, the table and floor were destroyed and the babies' faces, hands, and clothes were painted with food. And the waitress did get a nice tip. Hey, you can't leave that kind of a mess and not tip decently!

It was a good day.

A little business:

If you noticed, I've been posting more than once a day. If you don't have a subscription, it might be a good time to get one. It'll help to keep you up-to-date. The updates will come straight to your email box and you won't have to come here to read them. To subscribe, look to the left of the page. You'll see a box where you can enter your email address. Once you've done that, an email will be sent to your box. You then have to click on a link in that email to confirm the subscription. Then you're all set.

I noticed that some of you didn't respond to the confirmation email, and so, your subscription never started. Feel free to redo the process to get the subscription up and going.

Thursday's News:

Today was Groundhog Day. Yup, good old Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, and so, we're in for six more weeks of winter. Blah, blah, blah. But, I did go to MSN.com to find some interesting facts about Groundhog Day and its connection to hibernation--turst me, it's worth the read. Click here if you want to know more: The Truth Behind Groundhog Day.

Black History Spotlight: James P. Johnson

I got an email from Wayne (Zoey's dad) about James P. Johnson. Wayne expressed how he felt it important to "celebrate African American historical figures with whom most people aren't familiar." He says that James P. Johnson is a great composer who never achieved the fame he deserves.

Most of us would probably know him for his tune "Charleston." But don't take it from me, here are two sites that have more information:

1. This site has a piece written by one of Wayne's students: James P. Johnson: A Composer Rescued, by Leslie Stifelman.

2. http://www.redhotjazz.com/jpjohnson.html.

Coretta Scott King:

Like me, I'm pretty sure you guys have received the mass email about wearing black on Friday to honor Coretta Scott King. I don't know how true it is, but I've received the email a few times today. Here's what it said:

"Mrs. King was more than Dr. King's widow: She was a living symbol of
what he fought and died for. With the passing of Rosa Parks and so many
others, for many Mrs. King was the last real icon of the Civil Rights
movement. The best way for all of us to honor their memory is to
remember what they worked so hard to achieve and to exercise our
political power the way we know they'd want us to."
- Tom Joyner

In honor of Coretta Scott King, some churches, radio stations, and
politicians are asking that we wear black on Friday (Feb. 3) to show
that the fight that King fought was not in vain. With a new Supreme
Court potentially emerging in the wake of the confirmation of Justice
Alito on the same day of her passing, this effort is intended to show
unity of mind and purpose. Please pass the word to family and friends.


One last tidbit of information:

My cousing Gia forwarded this to me, and I thought it appropriate for Black History Month:

NAACP wins on "nigger" in dictionary

A Small Victory...A Giant Step (Thanks NAACP)

There has been a change in Webster's Dictionary. Kweisi Mfume, former President and CEO of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People! (NAACP), recently gave a speech at Virginia Tech.

Everyone was informed that a landmark decision was made last week with the people at Merriam-Webster Dictionary. They have recognized the error of their ways.

So, beginning with the next edition, the word nigger will no longer be synonymous with African-Americans. It shall be duly noted that it's a racial slur and not what African-Americans themselves are. Along with this, all racial and religious slurs will finally be indicated for what they really are - cruel and evil slurs too often used to degrade people.

Please share this information with others.
This change should serve notice to people, corporations, etc., that when individuals stick together to right a wrong, a change is going to come. This wasn't just a victory for African-Americans, but for everyone.

Now if we can only get some of our young black MEN & WOMEN to stop using it so freely...then we will truly win. Pass it along so we make sure that we all know the deal....

That's it for now!

Kama Sutra Audio Excerpt

I thought I'd do a recording of the excerpt from Kama Sutra. Enjoy!

this is an audio post - click to play

Knowing love, I will allow all things to come and go
To be as supple as the wind
And take everything that comes with great courage
Life is right in any case
My heart is as open as the sky

My First Audio Post

For those of you with speakers, I now have audio posting. Click and try it out!

this is an audio post - click to play

One More Thing...

Where in the world is everybody!? I can tell from the ticker that you guys are visiting the page, but I need some company. Leave me a quick hello! Don't be shy. You don't even have to leave your name. As a matter of fact, get creative and use a pseudonyme or pet name. Come on y'all! LOL

Gotta go! I need to do somethings to get ready for me and Isom's 12:30 lunch date with Deb and Zoey.

Just Thinking

I know this is my second post, but I just felt like reaching out to you guys.

Mom and I just got back from bringing my father a jack and some other tools to put a tire on the truck. He'd been stranded since 6:30 am. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he didn't call AAA. Anywho, the tire is changed, and he should be at work. I'm a little upset because Mom had planned on making me a pancake breakfast, and I had to settle for Dunkin' Donuts, instead. Man, doesn't my life suck!? Ha ha!

Anywho, I've been thinking about one of my favorite movies. It's called "Kama Sutra," and the last lines of that movie are very moving. It goes like this:

Knowing love, I will allow all things to come and go
To be as supple as the wind
And take everything that comes with great courage
Life is right in any case
My heart is as open as the sky

Here's my rambling blurb on what this means to me:

We should be prepared for anything that life brings. Because, like love, life has its ebbs and flows. One minute you have it all and the next minute it's gone. But no matter what, everything will be okay. Life will continue on, and the sun will still rise. Don't expect everything thing to be perfect. Just expect that life will and does happen. Don't waste time seeing things as negative or positive. See it all as just another experience. The good can turn to into bad and the bad into good. So, don't put limits on things. Do your best, and every outcome will be as it is supposed to be.

A few years ago, a dear friend of mine called with a deep question. She'd been conversing with another one of our friends about the word "judgment." She wanted me to explain to her what it really means to judge someone or something.

I explained to her that when you judge someone/something, you take its power away. You have condemned it to be one thing, and one thing only. You don't leave any room for that thing to change or be something else--or many things at once.

Example: Saying that someone is a "nice" person.

Seems simple, right? But, that person is more than that one vague thing. What if that person is also mean or lazy? And what if that person hates the fact that they're nice, and decide down the line to change that about themselves?

All of this sounds all little crazy, right? Well, living without judging things is really hard. It seems to be our natural tendency to want to place labels on things. Ultimately, the point is to be careful with your thoughts and your words. Choose them wisely.

In the history of mankind, there have probably only been a few masters who have been able to live without judging. But the least we can do, is give it our best shot. That in itself will make a world of a difference.

Last note:

This morning on the news there was a story about a guy who robbed a store for 3 packs of cigarettes.

And I can't flippin' believe it!

Enough said.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I Can't Flippin' Believe It

Today, Mom and I heard gunshots. I ran to the door, looked towards the cemetery, and noticed that it was just part of a burial service.

Speaking of gunshots, Paul was telling me that these "so-called" gangstas have really taken gunshots to the next level. His neighbor has a car with 8 fake bullet holes plastered on it.

**Nikki sighs**

People, people, people! Please tell me what is happening with the youth today. Never in a million years would we have thought to do something so silly and STUPID.

I said it.


Come on now! And the sad part is that some young girl is gonna watch this fool drive up in that atrocious thing and think that it looks "fly." His mama needs to pull him aside and run "20 Questions" on his butt:

1. Fool, didn't I raise you better than that?

2. Who do you think you are, Al Pacino or something?

3. And if you are Al Pacino, can I borrow a million dollars?

4. And anyway, don't you owe me some money? If you got money to buy fake bullets, then you got money to pay me back.

5. Why is it that you don't have food in the refrigerator, but you got money for foolishness?

6. Didn't the cops pull you over last week for expired tags?

7. You must be on "that stuff?"

8. I see you bought bullet holes, but did you buy your school books, yet?

9. Do you have bullet holes in your head? Cause it seems like all of your brains have fallen out!

10. Can I see your birth certificate? You can't possibly be my son.

11. Didn't I tell you about watching that MTV and BET?

12. Whatever happened to that nice Christian girl you were dating?

13. Do you have to wear your pants down to your ankles? Nobody wants to see the crack of your ass!

14. You got platinum teeth!? Like I said, when you gonna pay me back that money you owe me!

15. Moet and Cristal, are those the girls you took to junior and senior prom?

16. You don't have a job, but you have a car?

17. Are you selling "that stuff?"

18. I know you don't expect me to pay your car insurance?

19. You must think I was born yesterday?

20. Fool, you must have lost the 2 cents you were born with?

**Nikki shakes her head**

Fake bullet holes. Just when I thought I'd heard it all. I can't flippin' believe it.

If you've spotted something recently, or in the past, that you can't "flippin' believe," either leave a comment about it or email me.