Monday, October 30, 2006


Tomorrow is the big day. Sir is supposed to be a pumpkin, but he hates his costume. Last year he fell asleep after only handing out two rounds of candy, this year I'm hoping he'll endure just a little longer. Hey, maybe I'll let him stay up 5 minutes past his 7 p.m. bedtime. Yeah right! That would be 5 minutes less of sanity for me--I don't think so.

Sir and I have been running into these two adorable little girls in the park. They look to be about 11 or 12 years old. More and more we've been chatting with each other. And let me be honest, they love Sir and entertain him while I take a moment and enjoy swinging on the swings--it's the most natural high.

Upon our last parting, the girls informed me that they'd be back this coming Wednesday to play with Sir. When I asked what they did when they weren't at the park, one commented that she does her schoolwork and watches television. Our conversation went like this:

I said, "Well, it's Friday, I know you girls must have something fun planned."

Girl #1 responded, "Yeah, I have a party to go to tonight. Actually, it's a Halloween party and I have two to go to this weekend."

Girl #1 had the sweetest smile on her face. It reminded of all the wonders of childhood. Her skinned glowed and her youthful body gave way to premature curves that would one day be the mark of her womanhood.

Girl #2 hung her head low and kicked at the ground. "Yeah, I don't know why I wasn't invited to that party."

I looked at Girl #2. She was beautiful, but her beauty was different than her friends. Something from inside her glowed. So much possibility leaped from her essence. She didn't know who she was, and even worse, it seemed she couldn't figure out why no one else knew who she was.

I looked at her some more and decided not to say anything, then I thought back to all the times we were in the park; I'd be at the opposite end, and somehow she'd always gravitate towards me...

**Hmph. Nikki Ann stops to think**

She was only seeking to be recognized. Seeking to be cared about. Looking to be loved. She wanted a friend who could really see her.

**Nikki Ann sighs**

Makes me think about many people in my life and how they gravitated toward me, or me toward them. There's an unconscious knowingness when you meet a kindred spirit. When you meet a human being and feel instantly drawn and connected to them.

I hope to see her on Wednesday. And I don't mean physically see her; I hope to truly see who she is.

Just the other day I said to Paul, "I see you." And then I finished with, "I just keep hoping that people see me."

But my true quest...
To see MYSELF.

I see all of you.

Do you see me?

Do you see yourself?

--Miss Nikki Ann