Sunday, August 12, 2007

RE: Tasha Smasha

Let me say this while my spirit is moving me to. I recently posted some random thoughts about Sir and received a moving response from a long-time friend. Let me tell y'all the truth. Sometimes it is hard to come to this page and be totally bare and butt-ass-naked with you all. I have an abundance of fears just like the next person, and it takes so much out of me each time I post anywhere on the Internet. At times people are harsh, mean, cruel, unyielding, unsympathetic...and I never know who will or will not take to what I claim my truths to be. And I'm pretty sure lots of you have had times when you just rolled your eyes at the things I've had to say (sometimes I roll my own eyes at my audacious thoughts). But despite it all, something keeps bringing me to write what I write. What I know is this: the more I reveal about my life, the more people are open to coming forward and revealing themselves.

We've come to a time where people are removing their masks. We were all born for this time, or else we would have been born during another time. Thank you, Tasha. Thank you for taking off your mask and admitting your faults. Thank you for deciding to forgive yourself for those faults, so that you can build on being a better mother.

Each day I fall on my face when I'm dealing with Sir, my family, friends, strangers, rabbits, dogs, myself, trees...but I TRY to state my errors, dust my silly ass off, forgive myself and utilize that knowledge to continue on with the walk of life. And then I present it here to you. Thank you for coming to this page. Thank you for being open. And thanks to those who are willing to remove their masks and truly show themselves.

"Hello, my name is Nikki. Today I defended gays, today I felt the urge to yell at my son--on other days I have yelled at him, today I felt the need to do away with organized religion, today I felt the need to bow down and pray to God, today I felt free, today I felt enslaved. Today, no matter what I felt, I LIVED. I didn't take a gun to my head; I didn't choose the easy way out. I lived this bitch as hard as I could. I wanted to cry. I wanted to apologize to about three people. I wanted to yell, kick and fucking scream. But no matter what, I lived this motherfucka. And I am here. I. Am. Here. I AM because that's what I was born for: TO BE."









people, for cryin' out loud!