Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Slacking Off

A sista is supposed to be doing an internet search to find cute toddler slippers for Sir...Not! Instead I'm sipping on caffeinated coffee (a treat for me since it gives me the jitters and I can't drink it often) and going into a creative zone. Lots and lots of wonderful thoughts are flying through my mind. I love this time. A time when writer's block is non-existent and I feel in love with myself. I try and ride the flow of these moments, not knowing when my low self-esteem will allow me to tap into this moment again; it really is about when one allows themselves to tap into these moments, they're always available, just waiting.

Monday, Sir and I ventured out to the reservoir to take a 3 mile walk with the other mommies from Deb's playgroup. I arrived at 10:07 thinking that we were supposed to start at 10:00. When I didn't see anyone, I frantically grabbed Sir and the stroller; and began running, along the way asking folks if they'd seen any women with babies go past them. And of course LOTS of women with babies go walking there, so that questions was worthless. As I ran I tried to take in the sites of the beautiful waters and foliage, but it was just too dang hard--that stroller wasn't an easy thing to push with a 23 lb. baby lounging in it (plus other items that we just HAD to bring! Right!). About a mile into my run, I ran into one of our old pals from Sir's gym. We chatted for about 10 minutes and that put me even further behind in catching up with the girls. After our chat I started a crazy sprint, sprinting for about half a mile uphill until I couldn't bear it anymore, while passing a couple, who looked like lesbian lovers, who were wowed by my speed. As I slowed and walked, I passed a dad and his toddler, enjoying a slow walk as the toddler was curious about EVERY single rock and piece of dirt they passed.

Next I passed an elderly couple and asked if they'd seen the women. The couple's English skills were poor and we didn't quite make a connection. I then asked If I should stay to the left or the right of the path and the old man said: "You have come really far! Keep left." And so I did, running like a maniac.

Once I passed them I decided it was time to run again. I kept wondering to myself, hell, they must be running because I should have caught up with them by now. I ran and ran until I passed two more women with a baby. Once I got about 2 minutes ahead of them I came to a place where I didn't know whether to go left or right. I turned back and ran towards the women and apologized for having "mommy brain." They chuckled and agreed that mommy brain sucks, and then informed me that I, indeed, should be heading towards the left. They then commented on my brilliant running speed and I explained to them that I'd been running like a fool to catch up with some folks I'd decided I'd never catch up to.

I then jetted ahead of them and thought about a pep talk Oprah once said she'd had with herself about letting go. I agreed that it was time for me to let go and let the situation be what it was going to be. Running like a fool wasn't going to do much, and I'd only miss the beautiful sites (I was now almost at the end of the 3 mile trail). I slowed down, handed Sir some snacks and tried to savor the moment. Seconds later, and I do mean seconds, I saw Deb and the others headed towards me. I was to find out that we were supposed to arrive at 10:30, not 10:00; and hat I had indeed just met them at the beginning of their walk. I wound up having to walk that same 3 miles again, going back the way I started, and passing some of the same folks again--the two ladies I passed chuckled at me when they saw me again.

Along the way, I told the girls of the revelation I had about letting go and needing to slow down. And I said, "You know, Deb, reading is fundamental. If I'd just slowed down to fully read the email you'd sent out, I wouldn't have had to run an extra 3 miles." But, in the end, I'm glad we did meet them and walk the extra 3 miles--along the way we ran into two snakes (one was dead), and it was the first time I'd seen snakes that close up. And these brave moms toyed with the live snake so that the babies could watch it slither away. How neat! Actually, I backed away for that part.

So yes, it's time to slow down. Time to stop treating life as a race. If not? I'll miss out on the great scenery and wind up having to run more miles than necessary--and that ain't right!

FYI--It's Wednesday and I'm still in pain from that 6 miles on Monday.