Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Every free moment I have (which is usually at night, if I'm not too pooped) I've been engulfed in one of my favorite writer's books: Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends by Neale Donald Walsch. I've had the book about a month, and I am now on my 3rd reading of it. If you aren't familiar with this author, he has an entire series of books, which started with his first: Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue. I've been reading his work since 1996, he's an inspiration to me.

Anywho, the other day I was at the mall and I watched as this mother of two had an emotional conversation over her cellphone. She came into the food court with her two children in tow (both under the age of seven). My eavesdropping led me to find out that some guy had told some untruths about her. It appeared that she was on the phone with another friend who was telling her what this "Tom dude" had been saying about something she'd done. She seemed floored and hurt. As she spent at least 15 minutes discombobulated and trying to convince the other person that she hadn't done "such a thing," her daughter tried to control and handle her younger sibling (remember, they're under the age of seven). The young girl did as best she could as her mother unraveled at the seams. After about 15 minutes, she did get off the phone and leave the food court, but I was to bump into her again in Macy's. Once again she was on the phone with a friend (or enemy, cause sometimes what seems to be a friend is actually an enemy) trying to explain how shaken up she was over this lie. As she conversed, once again, her daughter tried to keep the younger sibling and herself together. Finally the mother says into the phone with a trembling voice, "I'm so upset that I'm shaking." That's when my heart sank into my belly. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she wandered in circles, oblivious to those of us who were watching. She was shaking so badly and tears were forming. **Oh my God, I'm in tears in this moment as I'm retelling it.** I wanted to run to her. I wanted to tell her to hang up the phone. I wanted her to notice her beautiful children. I wanted her to notice her OWN beauty. I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to just plain SEE. It was obvious by the Create-A-Bears her children were carrying that she'd brought them to the mall for some fun and shopping. It appeared that she'd wanted to spend quality time with them. She didn't look like a stay-at-home mom (whatever that looks like). It appeared that she'd taken the day off from work to be with those beautiful kids. I wanted to shake her out of her trance. I wanted her to enjoy that precious time that'd she'd carved out for them. I wanted her to see that she was standing in the middle of the room, looking lost, pacing in a circle over some guy who was taking precious time away from her kids. I wanted to yell

Fuck Him!!!!
You don't need this Shit!

In the end, I didn't say anything--the old Nikki would have approached her. It wasn't meant for me to say anything. God had given me the opportunity, once again, to see one of the reasons why I'm here on earth. And this time, I couldn't deny the tug...the knowing. I've been on a long internal journey the last two months. And I'm trying to remain calm and centered as I listen to my soul's specific instructions. These instructions scare me, but the more I follow them, the easier the road gets and the more fun I'm having.

That lady has no idea how her episode in Macy's has helped me--sometimes God's answers and miracles come in strange packaging.