Sunday, July 15, 2007

Went to grocery store at 8 AM...

I'm against big crowds of people...

Toddler was upset that he couldn't get candy...

Ride was cool...

All windows down, no air conditioning in the car...

Happy to get out before heat sets in...

Should be 88 today--hot for CT...

Watching toddler leave basement to harass grandfather...

Not sure if toddler leaving to be with mindless grandfather is okay...

Bought creamy, rich, fatty, chocolate ice cream...

Bought chocolate sprinkles...

Who created low-fat ice cream?

What's the point in that?

Will make cone soon...

Lots of sprinkles...

Wondering how toddler's doing with grandfather...

Will now call out to toddler...

Called but got no reply...

Hear footsteps of toddler and grandfather...

Wondering if grandfather has forgotten about the food he has simmering on the stove...

Going to check on stove...

Crap!

Good thing I checked, no liquid in pot...

Hear father running water...

Phone's ringing...

Ignoring it...

Come on! Like I ever pick up the phone...

Wasn't my phone anyway...

House phone...

Which I never answer...

Toddler screaming...

Be back...

Am back...

Actually, am doing a lot better with returning my phone calls AND answering my phone...

Still refuse to answer the house phone...

All those calls are for mom and dad and I'd only end up taking messages...

Peanut likes to annoy me by calling me on the house phone...

Inquires as to why I didn't answer...

Tired of telling him that it ain't my phone and that he knows to contact me by cell...

Usually take Sir by Peanut's on Sunday (or Saturday) mornings to harass him and Tee-Tee...

Probably won't do that today...

Toddler's singing a song...

Reminds me to look around for a free drum set...

Think I'll go on craigslist.com and try to find one now...

I'm out...

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Toddler throwing fit.

Grandma trying to fix it.

Mother sitting and listening.

Now toddler stomping.

Mother about to yell for him to stop it.

Mother does.

Tells toddler to come.

Grandma still trying to figure out what toddler wants.

Chocolate milk? Cereal?

Aw, it was cereal.

Okay.

Now toddler wants specific utensil.

Grandma tries to figure it out.

Toddler agrees with choices.

Okay.

Toddler eats.

Okay.

Day moves on.

Okay...

Potty Training Playdate

It was a success. Sir earned way too many stickers for me to even keep count. He peed on the potty, crapped on the potty, read on the potty all day long. Duke Aaron and Princess Laya did a great job too. At the end, Duke Aaron even announced: I have to go to the potty. Yippee! A mother's delight.

Duke Aaron's mother inquired: "So, Aaron, are you going to potty at home?"

Duke Aaron responded: "No!"

Toddlers have a mind of their own.

And Princess Laya didn't go as much as the boys, but that probably had something to do with them being so rowdy that it was hard for her to concentrate. Sir and Duke push and throw and hit each other all day. Poor Princess, she just doesn't know what to do with her boys. But the three of them are so in love with each other. I caught Duke taking Princess's hand and walking with her--up until she grew tired of him and pushed him off. And lots of times I spy Sir watching Princess with an intensity that only suggests love; a love that will one day spark a fight between Duke and Sir--I'm so looking forward to that! I mean, we princesses need love too! And we shouldn't receive that love only when they boys get tired of playing with each other (oftentimes, Duke and Sir act as if Princess isn't there).

Anywho, the royal gang will be getting together AGAIN today (that's a total of 4 times this week). Duke Aaron's mother created this thing where every Friday lots of moms gather at her place, half the moms get to stay and the other half get to leave. The funny part is that we moms are enjoying each other so much that we've all stayed, but at least we have the option.

So the adventures of The Duke, The Sir, The Prince and The Mighty Princess will continue soon. And yes, there has been a book idea behind all of this since Sir met his first buddy Zohar (who's The Prince in the storyline). It's a story that I tell to myself and may one day put pen to paper and make all the magic happen. That's maybe. For now, I'm enjoying the stories of their magical land. It makes me believe that love is a possibility that will overshadow all the darkness. One day... One day...

Miss Nikki Ann

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School Reunion & Potty Training & Procrastination

There are things I SHOULD be doing right now, and I'll get to them in ten minutes! **This is the promise I'm making to myself**

Two of Sir's buddies are coming by tomorrow for a potty playdate. What's a potty playdate? Something I made up while meditating in the shower (or just another way to keep Sir busy and mentally stimulated). I've invited Princess Laya and Duke Aaron over to partake in two full hours of non-stop potty training. Princess Laya's mom is bringing her potty over (you know gents and ladies can't use the same potty!) and Sir and Duke will use Sir's potty and the regular toilet. By the time these kids leave, either they'll be trained or they'll never want to see the potty again. Sir's been potty training himself for awhile (I got lucky! And I deserve this bit of luck after all that colick I suffered through) and he's doing such a great job, so he'll really enjoy this intense training session. And when I called to invite the buddies over, their moms did not hesitate to say yes, aside from asking me why I'd want to do this to myself again and again.

Anywho, I just finished watching the Charm School reunion show. Man, it was difficult to stomach. Monique is a strong and centered woman, because somebody else wouldn't have had the patience for the issues that these women have. After seeing Larissa's (Bootz) mother in action, I now have a better understanding of why she is the way she is.

On the other hand, I so want Shay (Buckeey) to grow up; she's one of my favorites and has so much potential. Saafyri (who didn't stay long enough on Flav's show to get a nickname after beating the heck out of that chick) and Leilene (Smiley) are my other favorites--along with Schatar (Hottie), who I believe doesn't get enough credit. I love that Schatar allows everything, even negative comments shot at her, to roll off her back. I admire that quality and seek to nurture more of it in myself. Plus, she's just a lot of fun, without using all the hooker and foul mouth nastiness that most of the other girls displayed. And I can't forget Courtney (Goldie), she's simply a sweetheart--too bad she went too far with that comedy set about Monique. But I'm happy to see that the two of them aren't harboring any ill feelings, and that Mo's offer for Courtney to go on tour with her still stands.

Oh, and I must say congratulations to Saafyri for winning the competition (and to Leilene for coming in second). It seems things are going well for her and she's now got a roof over her head. I'm rooting for her. I can't wait to see how she grows in the years to come.

Then there were a few, like Larissa, Brooke, and Cristal, who didn't seem to make much progress. And not only didn't they make progress, but they clearly had no idea that their antics were unsettling to most viewers.

And what about the fact that people like Darra (Like Dat), Jennifer (Toastee), and Thela (Rain) weren't even showcased on the reunion show; they just moved the cameras right passed them. And I like Darra--excpet when she's burping and drinking out of milk cartons (but to her credit, that wasn't in Charm School, only Flavor of Love).

And then there's Heather...I mean Krazy...I mean Nevaeh (that's Heaven spelled backwards, remember?). In her mind she's already a superstar, and ain't much else to say about that. But...was she even in the reunion audience? I forgot to look for her. Heck, I'd forgotten she existed until I went to write this post.

But that's all just fun talk (even though most of it's truth). I hope the best for them all and that all of they're days will continue to be charming. And yes, that was corny as corn.

Miss Nikki Ann (upset that Charm School is over for the summer--even though she knows she'll get caught up in the reruns)

Stranger On Earth by recording artist Lina (Audio)

Gabcast! Quotable #10 - Stranger On Earth by recording artist Lina

The quality on this recording is very poor (held the phone up to the CD player!), but my only point is to showcase the lyrics--if you can actually hear them!






Some fools don't know what's right from wrong


But somehow those fools belong


Me? I tried for all I'm worth


But I still remain a stranger on this earth


Some people bloom, while other folks strive


Me? I gotta struggle to keep alive


Ever since, the day of my birth


I've been a stranger on earth


I try to be what all folks should


Forgetting the bad and doing good


But no matter how I try


My troubles always multiply


Nah, I've been living the best I can


Ever since life began


Someday when I prove my worth


I won't be no stranger on this earth


I been living the best I can


Lord knows, ever since my life began


The day's gonna come when I don't have to prove my worth


And I won't be no stranger


I said I won't be no stranger on this earth.

What It Does To You

There's this woman I know. This white woman. She's probably in her fifties. Yesterday I listened to her as she went down her laundry list of ailments--my mouth wide open. But my mouth was only wide open for affect, because my third eye could see exactly why she was ailing. She went on about the time she had five doctor appointments in one week. Then she went on and on about her aches and pains. Then she started talking about getting married right out of high school to some Puerto Rican jerk. Then she went on about divorcing him right before she got pregnant and then marrying another Puerto Rican jerk. Then she started on how much she can't stand her grandson's Hispanic grandmother. And the next thing out of her mouth was disdain for all Hispanic people.

In my youth, I'd get really heated when people started talking this sort of craziness. In adulthood I know that this kind of talk is only a front for the fear that is gripping a person's life and squeezing the shit out of them. This woman isn't mad at Hispanics or her husbands or her grandson's grandmother. This woman is mad because she hates herself. And that's what fear does to you.

She said to me, "I know that's mean stuff to say."

I said to her, "It's human stuff to say."

And my response wasn't one that was meant to evoke a pat on the back for her hurtful comments. My response was simply to continue to get her to open up to me each time I see her every week. Ya' see, if I had told her that she was talking some racist bullshit, she would have shutdown; her spirit would have been overshadowed by her ego. Ya' see, I see the true her. I know that the stuff she was saying was only fear and hurt talking. I've seen her other sides. I know that her illnesses (physical and mental) are only due to her fear-based thinking.

Each week she comes to me with such vulnerable topics. And the only way she's going to move beyond them is to continue to hear herself say them out loud. Not once has she had this sort of dialogue with me without then pointing out that she feels unsettled about it.

And that's what I'm about. Letting the ego shout so that the spirit can remind us of its bullshit. And no, not all people will hear the spirits cry, but I'm willing to stick it out with those who seem to have a glimmer of a chance. And that's what love is. And that's the part of love that we find to be most difficult. And that's the part that Masters have mastered. And that's the water I'm attempting to tread, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it gets for me.

Pray for me.

Miss Nikki Ann (who knows her ego's a liar, but often gets lost its tedious games)

Stranger on Earth by music artist Lina

Some fools don't know what's right from wrong

But somehow, those fools belong

Me? I tried for all I'm worth

But I still remain a stranger on this earth

Some people bloom, while other folks strive

Me? I gotta struggle to keep alive

Ever since, the day of my birth

I've been a stranger on earth

I try to be what all folks should

Forgetting the bad and doing good

But no matter how I try

My troubles always multiply

Nah, I've been living the best I can

Ever since, life began

Someday when I prove my worth

I won't be no stranger on this earth

I been living the best I can

Lord knows, ever since my life began

The day's gonna come when I don't have to prove my worth

And I won't be no stranger

I said I won't be no stranger on this earth.

A Nikki Moment

I walked right into an anxiety attack yesterday. BOOM! Right into that circle that leads to nowhere. And I mean it leads to nowhere AT ALL. My innocent world caved right in on me. It happened so fast that it took a minute to register. And when the fall is that fast, it's hard to connect to sanity. It's difficult to walk myself out of the anxiety and into FREEDOM (Focus:Recognize Triggers:Evaluate Thoughts:Evaluate Emotions:Define Your Goal:Organize Your Options:Make A Contribution). I'm telling you, when I can come out of the fog, just for a second, and see my exit to FREEDOM, those steps are miraculous. But the ego is a strong mofo, I tell ya'. Strong. Sometimes when I can't connect to the server and all of my files are down, I just go to bed--a tool that my mother taught/forced on me when I was younger (cause I've been stressing her since I was little), and it still works today. Because time (like a long night's rest) can and does heal wounds, if you're open to it; cause sometimes you can go to bed angry and wake up with that same anger if you decide not to release it--tis true. It's all about choice. We choose how we react to the conditions that fly at us at an all time high. Things today move so fast. People move so fast. And me? I do best when I don't. I don't have to be like all the movers and shakers, and I don't want to be. Chaos doesn't suit my soul's agenda. And if it goes against what's natural for my soul...it's gotta go. Peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. Now that's FREEDOM.

Until we meet again...

Miss Nikki-At Peace-Ann-By Way Of Insanity To Sanity

I AM.

A Ride to Wickford, Rhode Island In The Covertible

Yesterday was a good day. I took a trip to Rhode Island with my godbrother. We drove in his convertible with the top down all the way. The weather was perfect, and as we New Englanders know, Rhode Island is a beautiful state. The name of the quaint town is Wickford, and we were lucky to be there on the day of their art festival. With the beach right down the street, the little village was full of people and excitement.

Before we ventured off into town (this is a place where people walk and bike everywhere instead of driving) we enjoyed home cooked Southern Indian food. My godbrother's pregnant Indian friend (Indian, not Native American), Padma, is married to a German guy (cute couple). Padma's mother is visiting until Padma has the baby--this woman is 80-years-old and makes the most amazing Indian food (we had both lunch and dinner with them). And although I've had Indian food before, there was something extra special about being there to watch her make the food, and then sitting down at the table and eating it the way they do (with bread and fingers).

Anywho, we walked all around Wickford and chatted about any- and everything. Padma's friend had informed us that she's had Lyme disease once and that her husband had been bitten three times by Lyme ticks! I mean, I grew up in Connecticut, the home of Lyme Connecticut, but had yet to encounter anyone who'd contracted this disease, and all of a sudden, I meet two of them, but in Rhode Island. Along the way, we bought refreshing drinks, and lots of lemonade from kids selling in front of their houses.

Here are some Wickford pics that I found on the internet (and these aren't just random pictures, I visited each of the places that are pictured on today's post--even the picture at the top).

It was a nice day and night (we left at 10:30 a.m. we didn't get back until after 11 p.m.--Wickford is a hour and a half away). Miss Nikki Ann needed the rest, good company and conversation. And the breeze caressing my bald head as I rode in the convertible didn't hurt!

Besos a todos! (Gosh, I don't even know if that's right. My Spanish skills are rusty)

Miss Nikki Ann

Sorry....

I'm still having Blogger issues. I must walk away from the computer now, before I blow something up! I am so frustrated. And when you're frustrated and pushing against a brick wall? Stop. Walk through the FREEDOM (Focus...Recognize Trigger...Evaluate Thoughts...Evaluate Emotions...Define Goal...Organize Options...Make A Contribution).

So I'm at Organize Options. I'm deciding to walk away and let be what will be. And the contribution is that I won't stress myself out anymore than I have.

Bye...

What?

Have realized that there must be some Blogger issue. I've tried everything to fix it. It's almost midnight and I've wasted way too much energy on this--so much energy that it's making me rethink my life and my existence. It's silly, really--what small, insignificant thing can upset you. For some reason, I'm taking it as a sign. Or...maybe I'm just tired as heck. Need sleep. Need sleep now.

So please be patient with this jacked-up layout as I try to figure this out at a later date. Or maybe I won't figure it out. Maybe this is just the end for me. Sick of it all really. And blah...blah...blah. You get the whole whinning routine.

Miss Nikki Ann

Blog Problems

So it wasn't just Firefox. My blog is coming up all screwy in Internet Explorer too. I looked at the template and it looks fine, but obviously something is wrong. Until it's figured (as if I have time to figure it out) you may have to scroll all the way down to see the things that used to be in the left sidebar. Then again, technology is so weird that it may not looking funny on your computer. Who knows...

Karrine Steffans

So today I came across this Karrine Steffans link on Twitter. I was a little curious--the Wendy-Williams-nosey-diva in me--and followed the link. On the site she posts these really intimate video diaries (even a clip of her on Oprah--for crying out loud!).

And what can I say... Instantly, I was hooked. I watched personal video after personal video until I had to force myself to leave her page. What drew me in was her openness. There was something in eyes, and something so refreshing about her willingness to share pieces of her life--and if you hadn't noticed, I love that type of stuff and that's exactly why I do what I do (however you describe what I do).

Anywho, here's the link: http://karrine.com/home2007.html. Enjoy.

FYI: For those who don't know anything about the hip-hop world, you may want to do a little research on Karrine Steffans. The information you'll find will be interesting.

FYI part two: For those who don't know anything about the hip-hop world, you may want to do a little research on Wendy Williams (a black radio personality). The information you'll find will have you listening to her show on the radio or the internet (I think it airs on the internet) everyday.

For PEANUT: Check out the video that has the word Bobby in the title. In this clip, she has footage of Bobby Brown sleeping on her couch.

FYI again: For those who don't know anything about R&B and Bobby Brown...that's just too damn bad. Who in the hell doesn't know who Bobby Whitney Houston Brown is? And if you really have no idea, then I apologize for poking fun at you.

I'm out!

Miss Nikki Ann

Just To Let You Know...

No One's Home!

Please leave a message or feel free to drop by after the holiday:

We will be returning July 5th.

Enjoy your holiday.

Firefox versus Internet Explorer

Okay, so I downloaded Fifefox to the laptop today because I was having viewing problems on Pownce with my Internet Explorer. Anywho, I've had Firefox on my personal computer and loved it. But for some reason, my blog looks all jacked-up when viewing it on my laptop with Firefox. *sigh* You can't win. Firefox is fast and has lots of safety features, but nothing is as good on viewing abilities as that slow-behind IE--go figure. Winning and losing can go hand in hand.

Pownce Invites

For anyone in need, I have six Pownce invites. Email me if you'd like one. So far I like Pownce, but it doesn't measure up to the silly simplicity of Twitter. I don't know... Maybe it's because I haven't built up my friends foundation, like in Twitter. And my two Pownce friends are from my Twitter account. **note to self: must keep socializing and find more Pownce people.** Anywho, I'm off to ponder solutions in dreamland, it seems to be the only place where God can talk and I have no choice but to listen--but in the morning, my issues are always resolved this way.

Much love,

Miss Nikki Ann

Pownce

Oh boy!  I got a Pownce invite.  The world can't stop me now.  On the other hand, even though I got a Joost invite, after much research--and even downloading it--I decided to wait until it becomes a better program.

 

Now let's see if I love Pownce as much as I do Twitter--but I can't imagine that being the case.  We'll see if I've found a new obsession for this week.  And hey, Twittering has become more than just an obsession--its a passion; I'm almost up to 200 twits.  Yay! for me working outside of my usually flighty ways!

 

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School hits? Are you for real?

Have decided not to stress myself too much about the obscene number of people who are still coming to this site since the picture incident. But now, I am finding that folks are coming also to read that itty-bitty post I did about Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. Such an insignificant post has attracted so many readers--go figure.

We'll just keep it business as usual around here. Doing what we do best, picking apart the weird happenings in my day-to-day life. And in case you didn't know, I appreciate the time you take out of your schedule (um, time that should probably be spent working that job you're usually at when reading my posts) to come an have a seat in my house. It's been fun, and I'll continue to use you all as free therapists--for as long as time and CONDITIONS (cause I will shut dis bitch down if perverts appear) permit.

Thanks for taking this ride with me.

Until latas...

Miss Nikki Ann (trying to cut back on the use of swear words in her posts--trying (unless more perverts come through, bitch!)

Oh boy! Somebody's always got to mess it up for the rest of us...

Okay, so today I was a bit disturbed to find that my blog was being viewed by waaay too many people from all parts of the world. After a little research, I realized that they must have done some kind of search and came upon a picture that I'd posted here that was from another website. It was the picture of the mother nursing her toddler and newborn at the same time. I don't know if someone got a kick out of it and then emailed it to friends across the world, but they all came to my site to view this picture.

The problem? It puts me at risk. I post way too many private and personal things (pictures of my son and so forth). I in no way want to exploit me, my family, friends or blogging buddies. And though I am not about censorship, I'm smart enough to draw the line when safety becomes an issue.

Obviously I've taken down the picture to avoid any further connections with it. And it seems that someone took it upon themselves to block the page or something, maybe the person who actually owned the photo.

I do this blogging thing to entertain and maybe lend a crazy hand to those I know. I believe that if too many things are kept in the dark, it hinders progress. Meaning, something that I'm going through could help someone else. So I try not to hold back, showing all the lovable and less-than-lovable sides of Miss Nikki Ann. But I'd shut dis bitch down before I put anyone I know in harms way. Quick and simple.

This internet thing can be fun BUT dangerous. And most of us using it are just innocent everyday people who don't have a full understanding of the precarious situations we put ourselves in everyday we log on (see this article: Dangers of Personal Blogging). I keep taking chances with the internet with the idea that there is more good than evil in this world, but shit, I have been known to be wrong (ask Paul).

I have a site meter on my blog to measure who's coming in and out, just for cases such as the one that happened today. I know the computer ID Addresses of my core readers. When I notice an unusual visitor, I monitor which page they viewed and so forth to gain a better understanding of why they're hittin'-up my blog. My readers are mostly family and friends, checking to see what craziness I'm up to, and I ain't tryna attract any nut jobs who are jacking off to pictures of my son or his friends. And I'm sorry to be that blunt with you all, but that's the truth of the matter about these perverted folks on the net.

And though I try to monitor my site, it's not a fool-proof system--but it did help me to catch today's glitch.

I'm not shutting anything down--YET--or taking any pictures off, but I will (I'd even remove those new voice recordings I've been doing if need be).

And yeah, if I do stop blogging in this personal and intimate fashion, I'll just have to listen to my ego complaining about not being able to chat with you all through my blog--but it'd be worth it to keep everyone safe. Friggin' perverts!


So we'll see how it goes. And hey, there's always emailing or snail mail...

Nikki-ku

I am now attempting to write Haiku. Here's my first attempt. I edited it many times before finalizing it. Don't be too harsh on me, a sista is new to it.

rain trickles down

washing dirt off stones

as ants run to hide

Oh, Crap! I've been tagged for a meme...

I've had this blog for a while and seemed to have escaped being tagged, up until today (Jeez, Thanks Craig!) So, for the first time in my blogging history, here are my random facts (Craig says I need 8).

1. When I'm working (no jokes Peanut or Paul!) I carry peanut butter and jelly to work almost everyday and never grow tired of it! Neva!

2. I eat homemade oatmeal (sometimes Irish steel cut) EVERY morning (with a few exceptions). My favorite is cooking it slow with a dash of salt, butter, grade-A-dark-amber maple syrup, brown sugar, raisins, and sunflower seeds.

3. I cook 30-minute oatmeal for about an hour and 5-minute oatmeal for about 15 minutes.

4. Before I was a mom, I'd sometimes hit the sack at 6 PM! I loved to cuddle up early and read books until falling asleep.

5. Before motherhood, I bitched about not having enough time to write (go figure), now I write more than I ever did when I had the time.

6. I only allow myself to look into the mirror once a day (twice if I'm going out at night), and that's first thing in the morning. After that, Lawd only knows what's stuck to my face or up my nose. I had a childhood friend who was so obsessed with mirrors, she'd borrow people's hand mirrors during class and then retreat to the bathroom in between classes to look at herself. Something about her insecurities helped to build my self-esteem, and I decided that all of that just wasn't worth it; I refused to sit there and overly critique the looks that God had given me--they are what they are and that's that.

7. There was a night when I had 15 shots of rum. Seriously. Now I barely drink (breastfeeding can cure you of it!), and when I do, I complain if folks are trying to get me to have a second round. Man, I'm a wimp now!

8. More and more I realize that I am more like my dad than I like to admit. Crap!

Bonus: 9. My dad works out of state a lot, and mom and I are so excited when he goes (it's the whole girls being tidier in the bathroom and kitchen issue/stereotype). But honestly, I do enjoy him when he returns home after months of being away--but I won't let him know that!

Now, I know I'm supposed to tag someone else, but I'd feel just awful doing that! (did u see how i just wore an insecurity on my sleeve, not wanting to bother anybody by tagging them!) At least I faced part of my "meme/tagging" fears by posting my own.

That's it.

I'm out!

Miss Nikki Ann (who'll face the second part of her fear later own, cause Lawd knows, what we avoid always comes back at us...)

Um, I'm really into this whole Lawd thing right now.

Ciao!

Sick with Happiness (warning: explicit material)

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Gabcast! Quotable #7 - Sick with Happiness (warning: explicit material)

Warning: Explicit! A angry essay/spoken word/performance art piece performed by Miss Nikki Ann (circa 2002)

Da Debil:The Devil (warning: explicit material)

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Gabcast! Quotable #6 - Da Debil:The Devil (warning: explicit material)

Warning: Explicit! A angry essay/spoken word/performance art piece performed by Miss Nikki Ann (circa 2002)

Allow Me to Introduce Myself (warning: explicit material)

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Gabcast! Quotable #5 - Allow Me to Introduce Myself (warning: explicit material)

Warning: Explicit! A angry essay/spoken word/performance art piece performed by Miss Nikki Ann (circa 2002)

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Due to an inquiry from e.Craig, I've decided to step out of my comfort zone (which is a place I love to reside) and show more of my ego's side. Yes, I believe that all my talk of spirit and love are important. But in order to get to that love, sometimes we must exorcise the demons.

In my twenties, I went through some funny angry phases. During that time, I had a friend say to me, "Miss Nikki Ann (yes, she did actually call me that), I don't know. I don't think it's healthy to be angry like that." Then at another time, I had an open and angelic friend who said, "Yes, sit the anger down, have tea with it, and then send it home." What I've found is that listening to my ego--not accepting the lies it tells me, just listening--has helped me to move into a more centered me; it got me in better touch with my spirit.

During those angry periods, I started writing what I called Angry Essays. My angelic friend loved them so much, and at some point I decided that I should record them and turn them into a CD. I was working in radio and thus had access to a studio where I could record these pieces for free: yippee! So I did just that and have now uploaded a few of them for your listening pleasure--and if the mood hits me, maybe I'll post more or record some newer ones, who knows...

Anywho, these pieces are dedicated to e.Craig, who wasn't afraid to ask Miss Nikki Ann about her OTHER side (ego versus love, an everyday battle). Also, e.Criag's inquiry has sparked in me a desire to create a new section of posts: Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice. Obviously these will be posts that allow my ego, or someone else's, to vent out its lies. But I must ask you to remember that the things posted under Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice are of the ego, and are never to be trusted or ingested for long. For me, the spirit is the truth and the ego is just sad entertainment that can be very dangerous and harmful, unless one is willing to grow from seeing the errors of the ego's misguidance.

Also, please note that Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice will contain explicit material. This material is not meant to offend, it's only meant to shake you up a bit, rattle your nerves a little, just to keep you from getting too comfortable and set in your old ways that may not be working. Also, hell, some of this material just gives me a good laugh.

I'm Out

Miss Nikki Ann (who in her 20's wanted to be a female version of Dolemite--that mutha-fucka was da's shit!) **and so the uncomfortable moments begin...

"A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson: reading 4

Gabcast! Quotable #8 - "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson: reading 4

Miss Nikki Ann delivers a reading from Marianne Williamson's book, "A Return to Love" (Chapter Six: Relationships:Section 11, Closed Hearts )

Thirty-Ish Guide

FYI about Thirty-Ish posts:

These mini episodes are actually based on real life stories that have been told to me or I've experienced first-hand. Sometimes I may combine two or more stories to create an episode.

For example, the first episode stems from my own experience with anti-anxiety medication that my doctor prescribed for my nerves during that time of the month. At the same time, I've spoken with so many of my girlfriends who are on one type of medication or another for anxiety, depression and sleep deprivation. Although I'm cynical about those topics in my writings, these things have become a major issue for many woman AND men in America--just check-out all the commercialized prescriptions on the matter.

The second episode about the child putting his mom's toothbrush in the toilet stems from three stories. My mom once had a client who'd told her that her son used the bathroom toilet bowl brush to brush his teeth! At another time, a friend of mine said that when she was little, she used to bring her mother ice cold glasses of water, and her mom, curious one day about this delicious water, followed her child to see where she was getting it from. Of course, from the episode, we know it was from the toilet. Lastly, when Sir was one-and-a-half (in the fall of 2006), he became obsessed with toilets. Many times I caught him at OTHER people's houses playing in the toilet, soaked and wet! Yuck!

So these episodes are about real happenings that are brought to light during group sessions with a roomful of women who are in their thirties.

Welcome to Crazy World, where all the dark secrets of women living in their thirties are exposed. Don't be ashamed of eavesdropping. And leave my characters some words of advice or stories of your own. When leaving comments, don't be afraid to be firm and strong in your responses, the characters aren't real, and thus, won't respond back with any lip action.

I'm out!

Miss Nikki Ann

Babeth

This woman has a wonderful voice: Babeth.

Wowsers!

I can't believe I got an invite to be a contributor on e.Craig's new blog. He can't possibly know how excited I was to receive it.

Thanks Craig! I love the blog (Mush and Joe Virtual Cafe) and am so excited to be apart of the experience.

Miss Nikki Ann

One of My Favorite Quotes Revisited

Gabcast! Quotable #3 - Kama Sutra

Miss Nikki Ann's favorite quote from the movie Kama Sutra

"A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson: reading 3

Gabcast! Quotable #4 - "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson: reading 3

Miss Nikki Ann delivers a reading from Marianne Williamson's book, "A Return to Love" (Chapter Six: Relationships:Section 8, Romantic Love)

A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson: reading 2

Gabcast! Quotable #2 - "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson: reading 2

Miss Nikki Ann delivers a reading from Marianne Williamson's book, "A Return to Love" (Chapter Six: Relationships:The Special Relationship)

Bored?

Did you find yourself feeling bored at all today?  More than likely, you felt frustrated by the boredom or confused as to whether or not to remedy it.  More than likely, you kicked yourself in the butt, deciding that this boredom signified some type of laziness within you.  You probably asked yourself: "With so much work to do, how in the heck can I be bored?"

 

Boredom is an open opportunity to connect with your true nature and the true nature of everything around you.  But because boredom makes us feel so empty, we try that space, causing us to miss the intuitions that arise during "boring" moments. 

 

We live in a fast world, and God forbid if we decide on being inactive for a few moments; inactivity means less productivity, we think to ourselves.  But really look at it.  You've probably got coworkers whom you see running around the office like chickens with their heads cut off, but not really accomplishing much.  But you, you do your work at an easy pace, BUT, take cigarette breaks, bathroom breaks, LOTS of Internet breaks and seem to accomplish just as much work as the next person.  But, notice, you couldn't just sit and give into the boredom; you felt compelled to fill that time with activity--so, in essence, you were no better than the crazy coworker running around with his or her head cutoff.

 

What I'm saying is this: boredom is an opportunity for the truth to come to mind.  If you shut up and sit long enough, sometimes things are clearer and issues are easily solved.  Did you read that?  Issues are easily resolved by doing nothing--just sitting still and letting you mind and spirit reorganize and regroup.

 

So the next time you feel boredom setting in, push back from your computer, coffee mug, chatty coworker...and give into it, even if it's just for 60 solid seconds, and you may find that miraculous things happen.  And where there's one miracle, others are sure to follow--it truly can be a chain reaction.

 

I'm out...

 

Miss Nikki Ann (who finally gave into the boredom Sunday, yesterday and today, and feels all the better for it)

---

You snooze, you lose. Get messages ASAP with AutoCheck
in the all-new Yahoo! Mail Beta.

Paris Hilton is a free woman, but what about Kim?

Um...like...um...should we be happy or sad?  Hmmm...  But they kept my girl Lil' Kim locked away for the full duration of her sentence.  B-u-l-l-c-r-a-p!

 

Nothing against you, Paris.  I'm not hating.  If you're lucky to get free, then you're just lucky.  It's just plain to me that there are times when the system just doesn't work.  Lil' Kim only tried her hardest not to snitch and she got locked up; I mean, the woman didn't actually do anything to anybody, but she wasn't pardoned for her moment of stupidity--no forgiveness.  You, Paris, you keep putting people in harms way and you go home like it's nothing.  Well, it is something:  BULLSHIT!

 

Here's to all the folks who are in lockdown, lockup, incarceration, la...la...la..., but deserve to be at home chillin'.  And trust me folks, there are actually thousands who deserved a slap on the wrist, but got the Lil' Kim treatment.

 

BULL!

 

I'm out!

---

Bored stiff? Loosen up...
Download and play hundreds of games for free on Yahoo! Games.

In New Zealand, a couple can't name their son '4real'

New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son '4real,' saying numerals are not allowed.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby '4real' shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.

'For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and ... there's no direct link between the meaning and the name,' Pat Wheaton told TV One on Wednesday. 'With this name, everyone knows what it means.'

But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.

The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.

'The name has not at this stage been rejected,' Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement Thursday. 'We are currently in discussions with the parents ... to clarify the situation.'

Clarke said the rules are designed to prevent names that are 'likely to cause offense to a reasonable person.' Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.

If no compromise has been reached by July 9, the baby will be registered as 'real,' officials say.

New Zealand law requires all children born in the South Pacific nation to be registered with the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry within two months of birth."

Baby with 25 names!: Knock-out name for baby girl - Yahoo! News

Baby Autumn Brown has a name to live up - in fact she has over 25 of them.

The little girl's mother Maria, in keeping with her boxing-mad family's bizarre tradition, decided to give her 25 middle names - all culled from the greatest exponents inside the ring.

Her full name, which left register office staff in Perton, Wolverhampton reeling is: Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown.

Her full name, which left register office staff in Perton, Wolverhampton reeling is:
Maria told the city's Express and Star: 'The whole thing came about because both my mum and dad are obsessed with boxing and have a bit of a daft sense of humour.

'When I was young I couldn't ever remember my name. It took me to the age of 10 to memorise it all.'

The 33-year-old mother added: 'I'm hoping Autumn has a good sense of humour with her name. It's never done me any harm though.'"

Miss Nikki Ann's Reading...

I'm in the middle of reading Marianne Williamson's book: A Return to Love. I read it years ago, but am finding this read to be a lot better since I have matured over the years. Here's an audio recording of a favorite and recent passage that I read. Enjoy...

Gabcast! Quotable #1 - "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson

A reading (by Miss Nikki Ann) from Marianne Williamson's "A Return to Love"

Sir and the Missing Stuff--AND NOW, The Bandaged Cut

Yesterday I found 3 missing shoes that I'd been looking for that Sir had hidden at various locations throughout the house. And now as I'm web surfing, I see him, from the corner of my eye, hiding LOTS of stuff in the couch. **Note to self: do not take eyes off Sir**

Um, as I was typing this post, Sir cut his finger on a seashell that was in his gift bag from playgroup. Blood was everywhere--thank God it didn't mess up the couch or carpet. (**Didn't I tell myself NOT to take my eyes off him?**) Each day he's wearing a bandage for one reason or another. Geez....

The Joost

someone actually sent me a Joost invite last night (if u believe, u can receive. LOL!). i'll let you all know how it goes. yea!

Thirty-Ish: Part Two

The setting: A roomful of 30-something-year-old women.

Action: Linda stands up, wringing her hands.

Dialogue: Hi, my name is Linda, I'm 30-ish, welcome to the world of crazy. For weeks now, my 4-year-old had kindly been bringing me my toothbrush every morning, right after I get out of bed. And this morning I reallly had to go to the potty...um...I mean, bathroom, so I couldn't wait on him. As I walked into the bathroom, I caught him gently swooshing my toothbrush around in the toilet bowl before applying the toothpaste. (**Linda turns and faces Miss Nikki Ann**) And yes, Miss Nikki Ann, I am on Prozac and have a tendency to share my medications with any needy mom. Call me if you need to, girl. And tell your father I said great job on letting Sir run like a crazy person into a road that could have easily been filled with racing cars and ice cream trucks.

To be continued...

Click here to go to Thirty-Ish: Part One

Once again...

Twitter.com

or...

http://twitter.com/MissNikkiAnn

lately i've been doing lots of random updates on twitter because it's much easier since i can text the messages from my phone (it's a touch task trying to find time to turn on the computer to post to my blog while keeping up with The Sir). so be sure to scroll through my twitter messages that are posted here on the blog to the left, after the about me section (or go to my twitter page, which is also listed above). i think i'm almost up to 70 posts on twitter. amazing, since it's only been a few days. but, it's only my new addiction; i can't wait to see how long i'll be obsessed with it before i move on to the next...

***miss nikki ann is trying to make JOOST.com her next addiction, but is having a hard time finding someone to give her an invite (sad that you need an invite to get in). if anyone has an extra invite or knows of anyone who does, hook a sista up! dang!

Dad and The Sir

I was coming out of a relaxing shower when I heard my dad yelling for Sir to get out of the street. I ran to the window and spotted my 2-year-old running down the friggin' center of the road--half-naked without any shoes. Once my dad caught up to him--cause that little bugger can run--and I saw that he was safe, I ran to get my camera. I took a few shots of them from my bedroom window as they walked back into the yard.

Later, my dad had the nerve to tell me that I was gonna have to teach him about not running into the street. Of course I was quick to correct him and let him know that Sir doesn't do that when he's with me--as if I'd go through all the struggles and bedrest I went through to have that baby just to let him kill himself in the middle of a street. I don't think so. Foolishness. But here are the pics...

A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

"Forgiveness is the choice to see people as they are now. When we are angry at people, we are angry because of something they said or did before this moment. But what people said or did is not who they are. Relationships are reborn as we let go perceptions of our brother's past. By bringing the past into the present, we create a future just like the past. By letting the past go, we make room for miracles."

--Marianne Williamson, "A Return to Love"

http://twitter.com/MissNikkiAnn

Twitter.com--My new addiction!

Touching

This was a forwarded email that I received from a friend. Attached to the email was a video that was so breathtaking that I couldn't tear myself away from it. Feel free to read the email below, or just go right to the link and view the video.

Miss Nikki Ann

Click here to go straight to the video, it may take a minute to load, but it's well worth the wait.

"I received this email from a co-worker and you guys have got to read and see the attached slide show.
Sensitive Sally's get ready to cry and fellas take notes! PLEASE click on the link at the bottom...
the pictures and the music are BEAUTIFUL!!

Robert Gray, Jr. asked all of his nearest friends and his parents and his girlfriends
parents to come into Atlanta and he paid for all of them to spend the
night at the Ritz their in Atlanta . He told his girlfriend, who is now
his fiancé, that they were going to a formal affair at the Ritz. You
will notice in the video that they are both dressed for a formal event.
When they got there he had all of his male friends gathered in one room
and he asked them to interview his girlfriend(so to speak). They were
allowed to ask her questions that they felt would provide answers to
reassure them & him that she is the one for him. Then he had each of
his male friends to join their wives in their individual rooms and each
couple prayed with them (he & his girlfriend) separately. He also had
an envelope in each of the rooms with the individual couples. The
envelopes touched upon different aspects of their future together.

Then he took his girlfriend into the room where they greeted his parents and
then into a room where they greeted her parents and there he asked her
parents for her hand in marriage. Lastly, he took her into a separate
room and formally proposed to her (AWESOME). From there they joined all
of their very immediate family and friends in a room where they
celebrated his proposal to her (their engagement).

Robert is a graduate of Southern University (Q-dog) and is now an
accountant with Home Depot at their corporate office in Atlanta . My
understanding is that he financially footed the bill for this weekend
himself. It was not supplemented by his parents. I was told that he
moved in with his sister for approx. 6mos. and saved the money to pay
for the engagement ring and all of the bells and whistles for this very
special evening.

IT IS LENGTHY BUT WORTH VIEWING. HOPEFULLY, YOU WILL ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS
I DID."

http://www.blogger.com/www.photosbyknight.com/gray/

Another Thursday

I've got Laya and Sir with me, and we're expecting Aaron to arrive any minute now. It should be a fun and BUSY-as-heck day. I plan on bringing them to see Aunt Theldra and Uncle Robert Earl.

I hope everyone is well. My internet was down yesterday, but that forced me to do some well-needed reading. Must go now. Toddlers are everywhere.

Sir and Laya's Big Day

Miss Nikki Ann's World: Episode 2

Nikki

Aaron and Sir's Big Adventure

Last week Sir's buddy Aaron came over for the afternoon while his mom (who has a newborn) took advantage of the free time and went grocery shopping. The two had a fabulous time doing yard work and playing. They went on a wheelbarrow ride around the corner to visit with Aunt Theldra and Uncle Robert Earl, but we had to entice Aaron with Oreo cookies to convince him to enter their house. After the sugar rush, the boys played in Aunt Theldra's backyard. Aaron was determined that he should tackle Sir over and over again, while Sir cried for help. Sir seems to believe it's okay for him to tackle other folks, but he doesn't like it when they return the favor. After the visit, we headed back to our house and had lunch, then, Aaron's mom arrived with her newborn in tow, and we took everyone next door to the park. I think the boys had a fun afternoon. And I'll tell ya', two is better than one, this way they entertain each other. Sir's other buddy, Miss Kalaya, will be coming over two days this week. And I'm sure that if he pushes and tackles her, she'll be sure to return the favor. Here's to girl power!

Boo-hoo

I had a nice cry today. I'm going through a period where my feelings are easily hurt. I'm forgetting to remember that the things people say and do have nothing to do with me, that it's only a reflection of their own issues. And the sad part? It wasn't a hard cry--just a long and sobby one, which tells me that I'm due for one of those really ugly, fallout crying sessions; I see it coming, and actually I'm looking forward to having it so that I can go ahead and get over myself.

I try so hard to be open to people and their myriad of issues. In trying so hard, I often don't accept the fact that just because I try really hard to accept their issues, it doesn't mean that they will return the same favor. And what does that make me? It makes me a "poor me" type. Oh poor little Nikki, her feelings are hurt because people won't accept her the way she is. More than likely you'll find that few people will accept you exactly as you are. I've decided that only God can do it 100%. After God, I find that my immediate family members are an extension of that, with my mom, dad, Peanut, and Sir being the best at it (Sir because he doesn't know any better yet). Ya' see, I think parents have this hard task of accepting the fact that no matter how hard they work on raising their children, they will still be their weird little individual selves. And my brother's pretty good at accepting all of my craziness, except that I know there are moments when he's wondering what planet I came from. But siblings are also forced into accepting you because they know that no matter what, they can't change the fact that you were born to the same people. As they say, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose what weirdo of a brother you get (yes, that's a mean-spirited, yet loving, shot at Peanut!).

After my breakdown, I walked over and gave my mother a long hug--I barely wanted to let go of her soft skin. I told how much I appreciate her accepting me, even when she may not understand me--my mother always has my back. And I must note that my dad is amazing. I feel safe saying that he's totally, utterly, and foolishly in love with me. I'm living life in ways that he dreams--he does live through me. And guess what, I too live through someone...Sir. He has tendencies and personality traits that I'm way too afraid to try out. That dude lives life out loud and doesn't give a shit, and I'm trying my hardest not to break his lively spirit out of my own fears and society's bullshit.

The rebel in me wants to say: "Fuck what people think."

But the wise woman in me says: "But God...but God."

And for those who don't get that But God thing, I don't have the time to explain it. Just picture a southern black slave picking cotton in the motherfuckin' heat after being raped by massah the night before, and then she sighs, "But God...but God." Got it?

I seem to have lost so many things. Material and financial goods. The more I lose the more I am forced to trust God. That trust deepens everyday and leads me to do more things that I'm proud of. And there's no amount of money or lavish and pretty things that will make God proud of me. There's no amount of education or degrees or training that will make God proud of me. Each day I am being forced more and more to accept that what's physical can't surpass what's spiritual. I am humbled. And I am almost sure (almost because I can't say for sure what God and I will come up with next) that I will continue to lose more material things. And when my Job Syndrome ends, I hope to be all the wiser and spiritually richer for the journey. Until then, I'm enjoying the freedom that poverty is providing (yes, society would, and does, label me as poor). You'd be amazed how free you feel when money isn't an issue because there just ain't any.

But God...but God.

Miss Nikki Ann

Miss Nikki Ann's World

Me & The Sir

I spent a good 30 minutes pushing Sir on a swing today at the park. The weather was beautiful and my company was insatiable (he would have stayed on that swing all day if I'd let him). Afterward, we went for a walk around the neighborhood and spoke with some folks. It was a quiet morning for Sir, but then he spent his afternoon and evening fussing at me about not paying him enough attention, as if being pushed on that flippin' swing until my arm almost went numb wasn't enough attention for one day. You can't please these kids!

Last tidbit: Miss Nikki Ann did not look that cute at the park. Try picturing me in need of a haircut and eyebrow waxing, wearing wrinkled jeans and a shirt that Sir had probably dirtied with his sticky little hands. Now that's living in the real world!

Shout out to Deb for the wonderfully jaded "bitch-fest" we had.

The Sir

Since he turned two last month, what's Sir been up to? Aside from failing at charming me with this look...

He's been pushing his little friends around, like this...

Actually, these pics are a little old. The top ones are from the fall and the last one is about two months old, so he's made lots of progress with his pushing (sadly enough, most of his victims are little people). But toddlers are funny beings, they tend to progress and regress quite often. So I'll just say that TODAY he hasn't hit or pushed anyone.

To be continued...

Eating Off the Floor: The 5-second rule--busted?

For those with little ones around, this should give you comfort in those moments when you just didn't catch it before it went into their little mouths! LOL! Hey, as children, LuCiana and I used to sing God made dirt and dirt don't hurt before kissing the dropped item, blowing on it, and then presenting it in the air for God to bless and cleanse. And look, we're still alive--atleast, I think we're still breathing.

Click here to see news video...

It is said that...

It is said that...

"There is no failure in being human. It does not matter if you waste your life, or you use your life appropriately, Whatever you are choosing to do is just fine. There are no mistakes, there are no failures. There is nothing you can do wrong. The essences of wrong was given to you as a limitation; as was the frequency of death to limit you and bind you in fear. In the Orient they bind the feet. In some cultures they bind the head, in others they bind the heart. Cut away all things that bind you and no longer serve you." - Gillian MacBeth-Louthan

"The Secret" is based upon the concept that thoughts are things. Change your thoughts, and you change your world. This is true, but for most people, changing your thoughts can be challenging. First of all, what ARE your thoughts? Can you differentiate between your thoughts and the thoughts you have absorbed from your parents, peers, and society? Who are YOU in the process?" - Janet D. Swerdlow, "Law of Attraction: Beyond the Secret"

"We are entrained in second-hand desires that aren't necessarily our own desires. Bogged and mired in emotions of guilt, shame, servitude, sorrow, separation, despair that carry their own vibration. Nearly every child grows up buying hook, line, and sinker into collective beliefs of sin, sickness, and death so that what to date we've been creating on Earth is pretty much war, pollution and blight. " -Evelyn Rodriguez

""Getting to heaven" will no longer be the ultimate purpose in life. Creating heaven wherever you are will be seen as the prime objective. To experience this, people will not have to confess any sins or fast during daylight hours or travel on pilgrimages or go to places of worship weekly or tithe regularly or perform any particular ritual or act - although they may choose to do any of these things if it pleases them..." - Neale Donald Walsh, What God Wants

Edith shouldn't have to be a nanny

I love this woman's truth.

(FYI: Miss Nikki Ann believes each person has their own individual set of truths. And they create a reality based on those truths. Change those truths, and you change their reality. But that's just MY truth. And whether or not I appreciate someone else's truth doesn't matter, either way, their truth will still exist. Blah...Blah...and more Blah...Yadda, yadda, yadda...)

Here's the link (I'm out!):

Edith shouldn't have to be a nanny

Thirty-Ish: Part One

The Setting: A roomful of 30-something-year-old women.

Action: Miss Nikki Ann raises her hand and stands up.

Dialogue: "Hi, my name is Miss Nikki Ann. I'm 30-ish. Welcome to the world of crazy. And why in the hell didn't anyone in the room tell me they were on Adapin, Allegron, Celexa, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Lorazepam, Paxil, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Zispin, Coffee, Cigarettes...?"

To be continued...

Baby Pics on the Net: Public or Private? : Dory Devlin : Yahoo! Tech

Just a little something for you to ponder. Sometimes I do post pictures of Sir, but I try to remember NOT to include his real name with any pictures or in any of my blog posts (especially since he has unique first, last, and middle names that can be easily found with a search engine). I've also been trying to practice this when it comes to mentioning friends and family members (referring to my brother as "Peanut," my sister-in-law as Tee Tee, calling my neighbors "Neighbor" or "Man Up The Street," and so forth). But sometimes I may slip and put in the real name by mistake. Hey, I think we all try our best, but unfortunately, as a Lieutenant told me at a recent Police Department meeting: "When it's your day to be the victim, it's just your day. There's only so much you can do about it." It's sad, but it's a truth that prevails.

Baby Pics on the Net: Public or Private? : Dory Devlin : Yahoo! Tech

Get Unstuck by Changing Channels

Get Unstuck by Changing Channels

My Truth: It's Still Me

No matter how it all went, when I wake, I'll still be me. And if that isn't enough? There ain't a thing I--or anyone else--can do about it.

Miss Nikki Ann

Yahoo! Answers - Why does grass smell only when it's being mowed?

Yahoo! Answers - Why does grass smell only when it's being mowed?

"Dipping? Quitting?" by Jennifer Louden

I love to visit Jennifer's page for her refreshing honesty and insight. This is a post I stumbled upon today:


"Seth Godin has a new book out, The Dip, reviewed brilliantly here by Andy Wibbel.


I want to read Seth's book because I'm fascinated by the people I meet who share a blearily stunned expression while muttering, "Wait a minute. I'm living my dream and it's not all rosey. I'm still struggling. I still get burned out, disappointed or even fail! By definition, I didn't think that could happen."

As more and more of us have taken the plunge to live more authentically and to follow our hearts, thus often striking out to work for ourselves so that we don't have to cut ourselves into little pieces working for "the man," more and more of us are realizing, "Whoops, that doesn't mean happily ever after."

If you think nobody could be that naive, you'll have to call me Pollyanna because I certainly believed, FOR YEARS, that doing what I loved for my living conveyed upon me a kind of super girl protection, which included, but was not limited to, never being bored, never burning out, and never wondering if my life had any meaning.

It took a whole lot of dips to learn that there is no Omega point! There is no place to get to. That's what makes me queasy about The Secret--to me, and this may be me, well, of course it's me, but can you see my point?-- the line of thinking in that movie enforces a "get there and get it and then live happily ever after." And if you don't? Then you didn't do it right.

Thoughts on what it is like to live your dream? Or what dips have been part of living your dream?"

Man described as a top spammer arrested - Yahoo! News

Man described as a top spammer arrested - Yahoo! News: "By GENE JOHNSON, AP Legal Affairs Writer


SEATTLE - A 27-year-old man described as one of the world's most prolific spammers was arrested Wednesday, and federal authorities said computer users across the Web could notice a decrease in the amount of junk e-mail.

Robert Alan Soloway is accused of using networks of compromised 'zombie' computers to send out millions upon millions of spam e-mails.

'He's one of the top 10 spammers in the world,' said Tim Cranton, a Microsoft Corp. lawyer who is senior director of the company's Worldwide Internet Safety Programs. 'He's a huge problem for our customers. This is a very good day.'

A federal grand jury last week returned a 35-count indictment against Soloway charging him with mail fraud, wire fraud, e-mail fraud, aggravated identity theft and money laundering.

Soloway pleaded not guilty Wednesday afternoon to all charges after a judge determined that — even with four bank accounts seized by the government — he was sufficiently well off to pay for his own lawyer.

He has been living in a ritzy apartment and drives an expensive Mercedes convertible, said prosecutor Kathryn Warma. Prosecutors are seeking to have him forfeit $773,000 they say he made from his business, Newport Internet Marketing Corp."

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School

Yes, this show is my obsession. And since the language is so vulgar, I have to make sure that I'm watching it when Sir isn't around. Today he actually went down for a nap, and boy when he did, I rushed mom away from the laundry to watch it with me. I was hopping up and down, like the kid I am, yelling: "Hurry up! The Tivo's ready! The boy is sleep! Hurry!" Then I ran upstairs like a crazy person. Mom slowly took her time and then proceeded to make herself a snack. The whole time I'm wondering what in the heck is wrong with her. I had to yell at her again for her to hurry. And do you know what she said to me? She said, "Hurry, for what?" My mouth fell open. Like, didn't I just tell her that the baby's sleeping and that we ain't got much time before he's up, yelling at me to go outside. Then she's like, "Oooh...Start the Tivo, I didn't know you were waiting on me." Come on now, seriously? It went to prove my point that since I am the youngest child in my brother's shadow, that I'm invisible around here. If Peanut had told her the show was on, she would have knocked me down to get to it.

Anywho, finally she sat down and we watched in horror as Larissa continued to lie her little buttocks off. That chick gets on my last nerve. And I couldn't believe that Shay had fallen into her trap and that Becky was crying like a little _ _ _ _ _. And I can't tell you how happy I was to see Larissa go home. Yeah, she brought a lot of interesting drama to the show, but there's only but so much of her that I can stand. And that guy was right on point for calling her out as a psychopath. Even my dad was glued to the show. The only problem is that he talks way too much through the program--it drives me crazy.

I can't wait for the next episode. And I'm looking forward to more drama on the upcoming seasons of Flavor of Love 3 and I Love New York 2. Ignorance is gonna be in full effect. What!!!!! It's gonna be on.

Advil: Part II

You should always listen to that quiet inner voice.

Yes, I did get the Advil.

Yes, my mom did locate it by asking the pharmacist for it.

Yes, it was behind the counter and mom had to fill out paperwork to purchase it.

Yes, when I first began my hunt for the Advil, something inside told me that it may be behind the counter.

NO, I didn't listen to that thought and had to suffer needlessly for a couple of days before mom listened to her inner voice and found it for me.

Thanks Crystal and E. Craig for tryin' to help a sista' out.

Advil

I've been on the hunt for Advil Sinus & Allergy medication; I had a trial packet that worked wonders for me when nothing else did. And today I went from store to store on a hunt to find this elusive medication. Without any success, I had to settle for another brand. And as I am typing, I'm pissed at the fact that I've paid seven bucks for a product that isn't delivering any relief. And let me be clear, I'd never had any allergy problems up until I gave birth to Sir, so this is fairly new territory form me. It's funny how giving birth can change a woman's body. I used to have PMS cramps--but now I don't. I used to be crazy--but now I'm totally insane. I used to think clear thoughts--but now everything's muddled together. I used to fuss--but now...hmmm...I fuss.

Oaky, minutes later and there's still no relief! What's a sista' got to do to feel better?

Let Me Jump Right In...

Um, did she just have the nerve to be mad at me because I refused to allow Sir to eat a sugary Popsicle that her hyper-active great-grandson had given Sir right before dinner? Huh? Did her stanky ass have the nerve to tell me that I'm being mean because I won't let Sir have a gigantic sugary Popsicle right before dinner?

Here's where Miss Nikki Ann gets petty...

Is this the same woman who's had that gosh damned newspaper on top of her house since last August?!

Let me paint a picture here...

Miss Nikki Ann has had it with bullshit! And Miss Nikki Friggin' Ann ain't her usual self today and ain't been her usual self for a couple of weeks now.

Let me finish my venting...

And the nerve of the other one to tell me to go to the block watch meeting and bitch about there not being a sprinkler in the park!

Miss Nikki Ann is now irate...

Who gives a flying frickin' fig about a damn sprinkler in the park when our neighbors are being robbed by the handfuls in daylight.

Bull--friggin'--shit!

And I could go on, but I will now revert back to some things that Kathy taught me a long time ago. And on the top of that list is the fact that I have options. And, right now, one of my options is to leave people the heck alone in an effort to assure that they leave me alone. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Recently it was gossiped that I might be pregnant because I'd missed some playgroups and walking dates. Ya' see, even when your goal is to step back and keep a low-profile people will drag your name around in the mud.

But for the friggin' record, how can a sexually-repressed woman with no hopes of a friggin' sex life be pregnant? Come on! For friggin' cryin' out loud!

Now I must go. And for anyone who didn't understand anything I wrote...join the club--I'm the chairwoman.

Miss Nikki Friggin' Ann

Bullshit.

Just Chatting...

Recently I received a few messages from folks who were wondering if I'm still around. Yes, I'm still here. And I'd like to take the time out to say...

Hello!

I hope everyone is doing well. As for me, I can't complain. All I can say is that patience is a bitch!

Besos!

Miss Nikki Ann

Cassette Tapes

How to Transfer Cassette Tape to Computer - WikiHow

I thought this might be helpful for those of you 60's, 70's, and 80's old-schoolers, like myself, whose main music stash is on cassette. Lately I've been lamenting the fact that cars no longer have cassette players. I mean, come on! CDs are nice, but the majority of us have astounding cassette libraries that should not go to waste.

Groundhog Day

Yup, things are feeling a bit repetitive.

Being stirred out of a dead sleep by Sir yelling "Me-Me"...
Changing Sir's diaper...
Making bed while Sir brushes his teeth and washes his face with Annie (his grandmother)...
Putting away our pajamas...
Changing our clothes...
Washing my face and brushing my teeth...
Applying lotion and oils to Sir's and my body...
Heading to the kitchen...
Making oatmeal for the 300th time...
Preparing the rest of our breakfast...
Placing Sir in the highchair where he complains that I'm moving too slow--even though it's only 7AM...
Watching mom give Sir a snack to quiet him down until breakfast is ready...
Saying grace...
Eating...
Watching cowboy pictures as we eat and chat with mom about news events...
Being forced to watch an 5-minute episode of Go Baby to quiet Sir's demands for his own form of entertainment...
Cleaning the total mess off Sir's face--most of his food is in his lap...
Washing dishes for the first of 5 times for the day...
Cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning...
Giving Sir his iron and vitamin supplements (he would inherit my low-iron problem)...
Taking my own iron and vitamin supplements...
Changing Sir's poopy diaper...
**Nikki Ann clears her throat** Changing my own poopy diaper...
Doing some Household chores...
Helping mom, who's out of commission due to the surgery she had on her foot...
Sitting here at 8:50 AM, afraid to admit that Sir has poop'd AGAIN. Not wanting to change that poop, but knowing that I must...
Dreaming of spending some time at my favorite place: The bookstore....
Leaving to change poopy diaper...
Goodbye.

2,267 Sundays To Go

In The News: Woman sues doctors after failed abortion - Yahoo! News

BOSTON - A Boston woman who gave birth after a failed abortion has filed a lawsuit against two doctors and Planned Parenthood seeking the costs of raising her child.

The complaint was filed by Jennifer Raper, 45, last week in Suffolk Superior Court and still must be screened by a special panel before it can proceed to trial.

Raper claimed in the three-page medical malpractice suit that she found out she was pregnant in March 2004 and decided to have an abortion for financial reasons.

Dr. Allison Bryant, a physician working for Planned Parenthood at the time, performed the procedure on April 9, 2004, but it "was not done properly, causing the plaintiff to remain pregnant," according to the complaint.

Raper then went to see Dr. Benjamin Eleonu at Boston Medical Center in July 2004, and he failed to detect the pregnancy even though she was 20 weeks pregnant at the time, the lawsuit alleges.

It was only when Raper went to the New England Medical Center emergency room for treatment of pelvic pain in late September that year that she found out she was pregnant, the suit said.

She gave birth to a daughter on Dec. 7, 2004.

She is seeking damages, including child-rearing costs.

Raper and her lawyer, Barry C. Reed Jr., refused comment when contacted by The Boston Globe.

A spokeswoman for Planned Parenthood said the organization does not comment on pending litigation.

Neither doctor responded to requests for comment.

Raper alleges in the suit that Planned Parenthood and Bryant were negligent for failing to end her pregnancy and that Eleonu was negligent for failing to see she was still pregnant.

The state's high court ruled in 1990 that parents can sue physicians for child-rearing expenses, but limited those claims to cases in which children require extraordinary expenses because of medical problems, medical malpractice lawyer Andrew C. Meyer Jr. said.

Raper's suit has no mentions of medical problems involving her now 2-year-old daughter.

As with all medical malpractice suits in Massachusetts, Raper's complaint will have to be screened by a tribunal consisting of a Superior Court judge, a lawyer, and a doctor to determine whether it has merit to go to trial.
___
Information from: The Boston Globe, http://www.boston.com/globe