There is a thick sadness that fills me today. I tried shaking it. I tried to nap through it. But it's still there. When I try accepting it, I feel a bit better--the cloud that covers me feels more temporary that way. I am easily agitated...irritated...I try to keep to myself. Try. But my life is about always being around people. Never having a moment to myself; especially when I'm flaring and can't even drive; which means that I don't even get that few minutes alone time in my car while on the way to being poked and prodded by whatever doctor or nurse. It's been a long time since I've used the following word on my blog...
jaded.
I bring attention to it because there are others out there, right this moment, who are feeling the same way. And I'd like to say that it does pass. I never know how long it will stay for, but I know that it always passes. As I age, I am also learning that even within my jadedness, there are still glimpses of what is other than jaded. Meaning, it is rare that a person lives in a state of psychotic jadedness. Even though I feel jaded, I still experience other emotions at the same time--happiness, even. Trust me, you'd know if you ran into someone with a jaded psychosis going on...it'd feel as if you'd actually met the devil. They'd have that I empty, I-don't-gives-a-fuhck look in their eyes. If that approaches you, run! Those are the folks who are liable to eat your butt-hole for dinner as some type of delicacy (seriously).
So I'm just your run-of-the-mill jaded (sans psychosis). It'll pass. And when it does, I'll be happy about it.
"Be good.
Be patient.
Be in the jaded moment--it'll pass."
~MissNikkiAnn
