Thursday, August 11, 2011


There is a thick sadness that fills me today.  I tried shaking it.  I tried to nap through it.  But it's still there.  When I try accepting it, I feel a bit better--the cloud that covers me feels more temporary that way.  I am easily agitated...irritated...I try to keep to myself.  Try.  But my life is about always being around people.  Never having a moment to myself; especially when I'm flaring and can't even drive; which means that I don't even get that few minutes alone time in my car while on the way to being poked and prodded by whatever doctor or nurse.  It's been a long time since I've used the following word on my blog...


I bring attention to it because there are others out there, right this moment, who are feeling the same way.  And I'd like to say that it does pass.  I never know how long it will stay for, but I know that it always passes.  As I age, I am also learning that even within my jadedness, there are still glimpses of what is other than jaded.  Meaning, it is rare that a person lives in a state of psychotic jadedness.  Even though I feel jaded, I still experience other emotions at the same time--happiness, even.  Trust me, you'd know if you ran into someone with a jaded psychosis going'd feel as if you'd actually met the devil.  They'd have that I empty, I-don't-gives-a-fuhck look in their eyes.  If that approaches you, run!  Those are the folks who are liable to eat your butt-hole for dinner as some type of delicacy (seriously).

So I'm just your run-of-the-mill jaded (sans psychosis).  It'll pass.  And when it does, I'll be happy about it.

"Be good.
Be patient.
Be in the jaded moment--it'll pass."