No One's Home
I Will Be Returning On
November 1st!
See you then...
I Will Be Returning On
November 1st!
See you then...
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Libra
It's that time of year again. The time for reflection for those of us under the sign of Libra. And even if you're not one who believes in astrological signs, you must admit that it's hard not to cheer when yours is mentioned.
We are just coming out of the Virgo-Libra Cusp phase and are now entering into the Libra I phase, which started today. My birthday isn't until October 12, so that makes me a Libra III, which means my special won't arrive until the phase II birthdays pass.
Anywho, it is my tradition to spend time in reflection and giving (to myself) during all the phases of Libra. Years ago, I began gifting myself an equal amount of gifts to match however many years old I was turning, which means that this year I must gift myself thirty-two things. Sometimes it's easy, and other times it's hard coming up with so many gift ideas--but these gifts aren't usually material/tangible; this year I'm thinking of gifting myself a fast.
I am just now starting on the list, and the first thing I am gifting to myself is a month away from blogging. I'll still Twitter and Tumblr, so check me out there. **Tumblr is Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room**
And honestly, Spirit led me to gift this to myself because I am worn out. Tired as heck. And being so tired is starting to interfere with the integrity of my work. It is way too easy to let my ego speak when I am writing from a tired mind. Lately I've been second guessing some of my writings on the blog, knowing that I'm too tired to be the "channel" I try to be. You see, though I write for the few of you who drop by, I also write so that I can go back and read the insights that flow from me; I actually learn from my own writings, and I put into practice those things that I write about. And right now, My Truths ain't flowin' right 'cause I am just too tired to stay connected during my writings.
Anywho, the Libra III phase ends on October 19th and then we enter the Libra-Scorpio Cusp, and that lasts through October 25th, with Scorpio I phase starting on October 26th.
So I've got from now until October 19th to ride the Libra energy. And to all of you in the Libra-Scorpio Cusp, I'm willing to celebrate all the way through October 26th with y'all too.
My head is banging. And my ego is waiting for any small window of opportunity to sneak in and cause trouble, so I'm gonna stop here and give myself the rest I've been fighting. When I return, maybe I'll post the remaining 31 gifts that I will have given to myself.
I love y'all.
See you on November 1st!
(Yes, I realize that I'm taking a little over a month off! It's my birthday, and I can do as I please, right?)
Celebrating 32 Entertaining years...
The Birthday Girl,
Miss Nikki Ann
We are just coming out of the Virgo-Libra Cusp phase and are now entering into the Libra I phase, which started today. My birthday isn't until October 12, so that makes me a Libra III, which means my special won't arrive until the phase II birthdays pass.
Anywho, it is my tradition to spend time in reflection and giving (to myself) during all the phases of Libra. Years ago, I began gifting myself an equal amount of gifts to match however many years old I was turning, which means that this year I must gift myself thirty-two things. Sometimes it's easy, and other times it's hard coming up with so many gift ideas--but these gifts aren't usually material/tangible; this year I'm thinking of gifting myself a fast.
I am just now starting on the list, and the first thing I am gifting to myself is a month away from blogging. I'll still Twitter and Tumblr, so check me out there. **Tumblr is Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room**
And honestly, Spirit led me to gift this to myself because I am worn out. Tired as heck. And being so tired is starting to interfere with the integrity of my work. It is way too easy to let my ego speak when I am writing from a tired mind. Lately I've been second guessing some of my writings on the blog, knowing that I'm too tired to be the "channel" I try to be. You see, though I write for the few of you who drop by, I also write so that I can go back and read the insights that flow from me; I actually learn from my own writings, and I put into practice those things that I write about. And right now, My Truths ain't flowin' right 'cause I am just too tired to stay connected during my writings.
Anywho, the Libra III phase ends on October 19th and then we enter the Libra-Scorpio Cusp, and that lasts through October 25th, with Scorpio I phase starting on October 26th.
So I've got from now until October 19th to ride the Libra energy. And to all of you in the Libra-Scorpio Cusp, I'm willing to celebrate all the way through October 26th with y'all too.
My head is banging. And my ego is waiting for any small window of opportunity to sneak in and cause trouble, so I'm gonna stop here and give myself the rest I've been fighting. When I return, maybe I'll post the remaining 31 gifts that I will have given to myself.
I love y'all.
See you on November 1st!
(Yes, I realize that I'm taking a little over a month off! It's my birthday, and I can do as I please, right?)
Celebrating 32 Entertaining years...
The Birthday Girl,
Miss Nikki Ann
Monday, September 24, 2007
Living In Meditation
it's like God said to me:
"O0000h! Okay! You want to know what it's like to be me? Well, I have this baby here in the heavens, just waiting for a home. And I'm running on a shortage of parents because everyone is praying for a "good" or "happy" or "well-behaved" child, even though your world needs more than just that; you humans need something more to force you out of your sleepwalking.
I've run out of parents willing to accept anything that doesn't fit into their ideal of what a child should be. The baby I give you will cause you some confusion. Everything that people tell you their babies are doing, will seem contrary to what he is doing. But I tell you this, if you can find the wisdom I've bestowed upon you, and utilize it as patience and understanding, you will then begin to know the kind of love I have to give to my busy, complaining, fussy, cantankerous ADULT children on earth. Nikki, that's God! That's Me! Loving all of you, having patience with all of you, regardless of your personalities.
You complain about your children, but none of you ADULTS are a walk in the park. It amuses me how much you ride the backs of children to embody things that you yourselves don't practice. All I ask is that you love this precious child. And if you do so, you will find that all the things you thought were so difficult about him aren't so difficult, and those traits are there to ensure the expansion of your mind and the mind of the people of your world. You are having a child in a time when things are changing. Children are meant to be seen and heard. They are a direct connection to Truth (Truth is Me!). To shut them up and shut them out is to deny Me. Listen and learn from this child. He is a key link to all the wondrous things you desire to embody. Love him. Love him when no one else wants to love him. Love him when he can't find it in himself to love you. In these things, you will grow to know and understand Me. And then you will feel Me, and know Me, in a way you have never before."
tonight before putting Sir to bed, i was overwhelmed with the urge to tell him to come over to me. i knelt down to his height and took his face in my hands. i told him:
"i love you. i love you for who you are. i love you just as you are."
he hugged me for a long time. we just stood there and embraced.
and now i extend that same love to all of you.
"I love you all. I love you for exactly who and what you are today. I love you just the way you are."
Live in Love and Peace Shall Follow.
"O0000h! Okay! You want to know what it's like to be me? Well, I have this baby here in the heavens, just waiting for a home. And I'm running on a shortage of parents because everyone is praying for a "good" or "happy" or "well-behaved" child, even though your world needs more than just that; you humans need something more to force you out of your sleepwalking.
I've run out of parents willing to accept anything that doesn't fit into their ideal of what a child should be. The baby I give you will cause you some confusion. Everything that people tell you their babies are doing, will seem contrary to what he is doing. But I tell you this, if you can find the wisdom I've bestowed upon you, and utilize it as patience and understanding, you will then begin to know the kind of love I have to give to my busy, complaining, fussy, cantankerous ADULT children on earth. Nikki, that's God! That's Me! Loving all of you, having patience with all of you, regardless of your personalities.
You complain about your children, but none of you ADULTS are a walk in the park. It amuses me how much you ride the backs of children to embody things that you yourselves don't practice. All I ask is that you love this precious child. And if you do so, you will find that all the things you thought were so difficult about him aren't so difficult, and those traits are there to ensure the expansion of your mind and the mind of the people of your world. You are having a child in a time when things are changing. Children are meant to be seen and heard. They are a direct connection to Truth (Truth is Me!). To shut them up and shut them out is to deny Me. Listen and learn from this child. He is a key link to all the wondrous things you desire to embody. Love him. Love him when no one else wants to love him. Love him when he can't find it in himself to love you. In these things, you will grow to know and understand Me. And then you will feel Me, and know Me, in a way you have never before."
***
tonight before putting Sir to bed, i was overwhelmed with the urge to tell him to come over to me. i knelt down to his height and took his face in my hands. i told him:
"i love you. i love you for who you are. i love you just as you are."
he hugged me for a long time. we just stood there and embraced.
and now i extend that same love to all of you.
"I love you all. I love you for exactly who and what you are today. I love you just the way you are."
Live in Love and Peace Shall Follow.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Adyashanti
"How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
lets take out "do not support" and add "hate" in its place.
now reread...
"How you interact with those who hate you shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
now lets remove "with those who hate you."
now reread...
"How you interact shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
Perfect.
lets take out "do not support" and add "hate" in its place.
now reread...
"How you interact with those who hate you shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
now lets remove "with those who hate you."
now reread...
"How you interact shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
Perfect.
Had Sir Been That Jena Dude
i would have come to the jail and asked:
"did you do what they said you did?"
and if he had answered in the affirmative, i would have said:
"good luck."
all he would have seen after that is my backside.
point?
there WILL come a day--AGAIN (poor Martin, all that hard work for nothin')--in the history of black folks when we will return to non-violence.
to hell with what folks of other colors are able to get away with--when did we start measuring ourselves by that meter?
solution?
there has and will always be only one way:
love.
u cain't expect nobody ta' luv ya' iff'n ya' don't luv ya'self.
hmmm...i wonder why dem white boys out dere is pissed off?
nobody gets an ass-whoopin' and likes it--especially not if they're being beaten the hell up by some nigger.
but...
every child belongs to GOD.
i repeat!
every child belongs to GOD.
miss nikki ann finds nooses. miss nikki ann drafts letter to all parents and local residents to attend a peace meeting. miss nikki ann brings the folks together in an attempt to make PEACE before some foolish white boy gets knocked the fuck out by some angry ass black boy. miss nikki ann does all of this swiftly, before tons of "high-profile negroes" come into town for ANOTHER moment in the spotlight. miss nikki ann gives the townspeople their power back, makes them accountable for their community: micromanagement. and miss nikki ann makes those poor, lost kids do community service work together, and watches as they begin to bond and melt barriers for themselves and possibly their friends, families, and townspeople.
we be tryna' fight big wars instead of solvin' da' little disputes before dey leads ta' big wars.
ain't nobody perfect.
BLACK folks included.
white man ain't shit.
black man ain't shit.
other colored man ain't shit.
WOMEN! those with the God-given ability to make peace...
create it within yourself, then within your home...
solves half the problem...
next...
spread that peace throughout your community...
solves 25 percent of the problem...
last...
elect folks who believe in "peace opportunities"...
solves the last 25 percent...
black women...
we must deal with our anger issues that are connected to racism and race relations.
yes, millions hate us, but why must we carry their burdens of hatred and pass it on to our sons...
black women...
we must heal what's on the inside...
release.
forgive.
yes, forgive massuh of all the beatings, and the rapes, and the hatred, and the fear.
to not forgive him is to not forgive ourselves.
we must begin to teach our sons the ability to maintain peace under the most absurd and ignorant circumstances.
if not?
we will perish. and it will have a lot to do with US and not them.
justice does NOT reside in a court, it resides within you and your home.
O.J. was the last Negro to "get off"--don't expect Tyrone to escape without doing time.
for those who feel compelled, reach out to as many underprivileged/uneducated/unknowing/unconscious mothers and give them the same reality check:
the answer is love.
THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION. TO BELIEVE THAT ANOTHER OPTION EXISTS IS TO BELIEVE IN LIES--and black folks hate being lied to.
i pray for the healing of all the white folks involved in the situation, just as much as i pray for the blacks.
as God said to Neale Donald Walsch in his book "Conversations With God":
"There is only one of us in the room."
meaning?
he be i and i be him.
when i hurt you, i hurt me.
As Reverend Dion spoke about today in church:
"Live in unity and not division...look past what's in the past."
He also said, "When people are in conflict, if you can't point them to the Cross, then stay out of it."
Point?
If you can't spread love, don't do anybody any disservice by spreading fear and hate.
I AIN'T THE SMARTEST PERSON, BUT WISDOM GIVES ME THE INSIGHT TO KNOW BULLSHIT WHEN I SEE IT--EVEN WITHIN MYSELF.
Peace
I SAID PEACE!
"did you do what they said you did?"
and if he had answered in the affirmative, i would have said:
"good luck."
all he would have seen after that is my backside.
point?
there WILL come a day--AGAIN (poor Martin, all that hard work for nothin')--in the history of black folks when we will return to non-violence.
to hell with what folks of other colors are able to get away with--when did we start measuring ourselves by that meter?
solution?
there has and will always be only one way:
love.
u cain't expect nobody ta' luv ya' iff'n ya' don't luv ya'self.
hmmm...i wonder why dem white boys out dere is pissed off?
nobody gets an ass-whoopin' and likes it--especially not if they're being beaten the hell up by some nigger.
but...
every child belongs to GOD.
i repeat!
every child belongs to GOD.
miss nikki ann finds nooses. miss nikki ann drafts letter to all parents and local residents to attend a peace meeting. miss nikki ann brings the folks together in an attempt to make PEACE before some foolish white boy gets knocked the fuck out by some angry ass black boy. miss nikki ann does all of this swiftly, before tons of "high-profile negroes" come into town for ANOTHER moment in the spotlight. miss nikki ann gives the townspeople their power back, makes them accountable for their community: micromanagement. and miss nikki ann makes those poor, lost kids do community service work together, and watches as they begin to bond and melt barriers for themselves and possibly their friends, families, and townspeople.
we be tryna' fight big wars instead of solvin' da' little disputes before dey leads ta' big wars.
ain't nobody perfect.
BLACK folks included.
white man ain't shit.
black man ain't shit.
other colored man ain't shit.
WOMEN! those with the God-given ability to make peace...
create it within yourself, then within your home...
solves half the problem...
next...
spread that peace throughout your community...
solves 25 percent of the problem...
last...
elect folks who believe in "peace opportunities"...
solves the last 25 percent...
black women...
we must deal with our anger issues that are connected to racism and race relations.
yes, millions hate us, but why must we carry their burdens of hatred and pass it on to our sons...
black women...
we must heal what's on the inside...
release.
forgive.
yes, forgive massuh of all the beatings, and the rapes, and the hatred, and the fear.
to not forgive him is to not forgive ourselves.
we must begin to teach our sons the ability to maintain peace under the most absurd and ignorant circumstances.
if not?
we will perish. and it will have a lot to do with US and not them.
justice does NOT reside in a court, it resides within you and your home.
O.J. was the last Negro to "get off"--don't expect Tyrone to escape without doing time.
for those who feel compelled, reach out to as many underprivileged/uneducated/unknowing/unconscious mothers and give them the same reality check:
the answer is love.
THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION. TO BELIEVE THAT ANOTHER OPTION EXISTS IS TO BELIEVE IN LIES--and black folks hate being lied to.
i pray for the healing of all the white folks involved in the situation, just as much as i pray for the blacks.
as God said to Neale Donald Walsch in his book "Conversations With God":
"There is only one of us in the room."
meaning?
he be i and i be him.
when i hurt you, i hurt me.
As Reverend Dion spoke about today in church:
"Live in unity and not division...look past what's in the past."
He also said, "When people are in conflict, if you can't point them to the Cross, then stay out of it."
Point?
If you can't spread love, don't do anybody any disservice by spreading fear and hate.
I AIN'T THE SMARTEST PERSON, BUT WISDOM GIVES ME THE INSIGHT TO KNOW BULLSHIT WHEN I SEE IT--EVEN WITHIN MYSELF.
Peace
I SAID PEACE!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Seva Cafe Video Link
Click the above title to see an amazing video about Seva Cafe. Not only is it informative, but, to me, this video is a work of art.
Seva Cafe
*Eve, thanks for another great link!
Seva Café works on a contribute-as-you-wish model. It is important that you understand exactly what this means – both for the sustainability of this restaurant and for a new way of looking at economic interdependency represented by our model.
On the one hand, contribute-as-you-wish means what it says: you, and only you, determine how much you will give to Seva Café at the end of your experience here. Our finances are completely transparent, and it is simple to determine the minimum amount of money the Café will need to take in from each guest if it is to stay in operation. But ultimately, judgments about the care that was taken to bring you wholesome food, the pleasantness of the environment we have created in which you enjoyed your meal, the spirit of our project, and the overall nature of your experience here will be for you to decide – and to express by means of contribution."
~Excerpt taken from Seva Cafe
Seva Café works on a contribute-as-you-wish model. It is important that you understand exactly what this means – both for the sustainability of this restaurant and for a new way of looking at economic interdependency represented by our model.
On the one hand, contribute-as-you-wish means what it says: you, and only you, determine how much you will give to Seva Café at the end of your experience here. Our finances are completely transparent, and it is simple to determine the minimum amount of money the Café will need to take in from each guest if it is to stay in operation. But ultimately, judgments about the care that was taken to bring you wholesome food, the pleasantness of the environment we have created in which you enjoyed your meal, the spirit of our project, and the overall nature of your experience here will be for you to decide – and to express by means of contribution."
~Excerpt taken from Seva Cafe
"How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
Without having first seen this quote, I'd already begun the process of dedicating my "living meditation" to its words (living meditation is staying in prayer without needing to put Amen at the end because the prayer never ends, like the soul).
Saturday I watched Sir and Pricess Laya playing with a bunch of kids at a farm and then at a bookstore. At the farm there was a little boy whose parents weren't receptive to anyone or anything. Instead of feeling offended, I imagined that they simply weren't having a "good" day/moment. Meaning they weren't "open" at the time, for whatever reason, to a friendly exchange. Then at the bookstore there was a group of kids who seemed to be very "selfish" and "unruly." Instead of looking at them with judgement as they pushed and yelled at other kids, I decided to see them in a different light: as children who weren't being gently guided towards compassion (as I and Princess Laya's mom TRY to guide our little ones). One mom finally got fed up and yelled at the kids, but I refrained from reacting and watched to see if it made a difference.
And instead of focusing on the "unruly" kids, I played with the "yelling" mom's "sheepish" son. What I discovered is that she feared her "sheepish" son wouldn't be able to hold his own in a "mean" and "unruly" and "unforgiving" world. She feared it so much that she didn't watch and notice that, in fact, he WAS holding his own. He was the ANGEL at the table. To me, his stability brought a certain calmness. Look, the fact is that it's near impossible to be effective at dissolving ego-based, negative actions with more of the same; and her son was naturally born with the ability to know that. If she could only follow his lead, she'd feel better about the world. Sir was another ANGEL at the table who seemed totally unaffected by the "unruly" children.
I could go on and on about that situation, but today is my FIRST day off in about two months. Being a stay-at-home mom, I am with Sir every single friggin' day, pretty much without any breaks. So today, I am going back to that same bookstore, but by myself. I'm gonna get a few hours to myself to relax and see what precious moments serendipity and syncrhonicity will lead me to.
Without having first seen this quote, I'd already begun the process of dedicating my "living meditation" to its words (living meditation is staying in prayer without needing to put Amen at the end because the prayer never ends, like the soul).
Saturday I watched Sir and Pricess Laya playing with a bunch of kids at a farm and then at a bookstore. At the farm there was a little boy whose parents weren't receptive to anyone or anything. Instead of feeling offended, I imagined that they simply weren't having a "good" day/moment. Meaning they weren't "open" at the time, for whatever reason, to a friendly exchange. Then at the bookstore there was a group of kids who seemed to be very "selfish" and "unruly." Instead of looking at them with judgement as they pushed and yelled at other kids, I decided to see them in a different light: as children who weren't being gently guided towards compassion (as I and Princess Laya's mom TRY to guide our little ones). One mom finally got fed up and yelled at the kids, but I refrained from reacting and watched to see if it made a difference.
And instead of focusing on the "unruly" kids, I played with the "yelling" mom's "sheepish" son. What I discovered is that she feared her "sheepish" son wouldn't be able to hold his own in a "mean" and "unruly" and "unforgiving" world. She feared it so much that she didn't watch and notice that, in fact, he WAS holding his own. He was the ANGEL at the table. To me, his stability brought a certain calmness. Look, the fact is that it's near impossible to be effective at dissolving ego-based, negative actions with more of the same; and her son was naturally born with the ability to know that. If she could only follow his lead, she'd feel better about the world. Sir was another ANGEL at the table who seemed totally unaffected by the "unruly" children.
I could go on and on about that situation, but today is my FIRST day off in about two months. Being a stay-at-home mom, I am with Sir every single friggin' day, pretty much without any breaks. So today, I am going back to that same bookstore, but by myself. I'm gonna get a few hours to myself to relax and see what precious moments serendipity and syncrhonicity will lead me to.
Eve, thanks for posting this quote:
"How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are." - Adyashanti
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room
Come on over and see what's new...
Warning: Adult content. This linked site contains what some would deem as too much profanity and vulgar language/topics. Please remember that my Living Room is a creative outlet that's meant to stir you in a different way than this blog. For those against it, I will continue to keep it light here at Miss Nikki Ann's House. Thanks for visiting.
Warning: Adult content. This linked site contains what some would deem as too much profanity and vulgar language/topics. Please remember that my Living Room is a creative outlet that's meant to stir you in a different way than this blog. For those against it, I will continue to keep it light here at Miss Nikki Ann's House. Thanks for visiting.
(Miss Manners does NOT reside here)
Rebounding
my recovery rate is shortening.
in my youth, i would take a negative situation and allow it to fester for such a long time. and in order to regain composure, i'd have to call 50 million friends to vent and rant and rave.
now, as a woman, i rarely call anyone on the phone for reassurance, and if i do make a call it's only because Spirit led me to that "perfect" person to help me to remember to stay the course.
times are changing me.
so i bless that little angry girl, kiss her and tell her i love her as i send her back to where she belongs: in the past.
and i pick up whatever lingering baggage i have, which now only consists of a few easy-to-travel bags and not trunks and boxes of hurt and pain, and i move forward to better understanding and wisdom.
and on that final day, if i haven't mastered what i've come for, i pray that i'll only be a breath from doing so.
until then...as usual...and as i'll continue to repeat until this cry is heard and answered throughout the earth...
h
a
v
e
me
r
c
y
in my youth, i would take a negative situation and allow it to fester for such a long time. and in order to regain composure, i'd have to call 50 million friends to vent and rant and rave.
now, as a woman, i rarely call anyone on the phone for reassurance, and if i do make a call it's only because Spirit led me to that "perfect" person to help me to remember to stay the course.
times are changing me.
so i bless that little angry girl, kiss her and tell her i love her as i send her back to where she belongs: in the past.
and i pick up whatever lingering baggage i have, which now only consists of a few easy-to-travel bags and not trunks and boxes of hurt and pain, and i move forward to better understanding and wisdom.
and on that final day, if i haven't mastered what i've come for, i pray that i'll only be a breath from doing so.
until then...as usual...and as i'll continue to repeat until this cry is heard and answered throughout the earth...
a
v
e
me
r
c
y
You may have wasted the entire day, week or month up to this
point. Yet that's no reason to continue with the
unproductive, negative pattern.
No matter what has gone on before, you can make the most of
right now. Any prior ineffectiveness cannot stop you from
being truly and purposefully effective in this moment.
You may have made a lot of mistakes and errors in judgment
on your way to where you are. But that has nothing to do
with where you can choose to go from here.
Don't worry about getting over the past. You are over it
because you are here right now.
Right now, your best dreams beckon. Right now, there is
plenty that you can do.
Can you feel the incredible freedom and opportunity that
this moment represents? Take hold of that freedom, seize
this precious, promising moment and live the life you are
meant to live.
~Ralph Marston
point. Yet that's no reason to continue with the
unproductive, negative pattern.
No matter what has gone on before, you can make the most of
right now. Any prior ineffectiveness cannot stop you from
being truly and purposefully effective in this moment.
You may have made a lot of mistakes and errors in judgment
on your way to where you are. But that has nothing to do
with where you can choose to go from here.
Don't worry about getting over the past. You are over it
because you are here right now.
Right now, your best dreams beckon. Right now, there is
plenty that you can do.
Can you feel the incredible freedom and opportunity that
this moment represents? Take hold of that freedom, seize
this precious, promising moment and live the life you are
meant to live.
~Ralph Marston
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Apologies
i've hurt someone. or, if you want to speak in a more "enlightened" sense, someone has allowed something i've done to hurt them. and that hurt has lingered for years (almost 10 years!). i apologized because i don't like doing things that hurt people.
and at the same time, i had to move from apology into a place of not looking back, despite the person's feelings about my "old" actions.
to "over apologize" is to not let go. i believe in a thing called "perfect forgiveness." and though i have not mastered it, i understand why it's so important:
your past, if given the chance, would tie you down an leave you for dead--make you believe that you're something you no longer are.
so i've reevaluated my "old" actions and "reinstated" the peace i feel about my "old" actions. i can't afford to return to self-destruction simply to assure someone that i wish i hadn't done them any harm.
but the ultimate and scary truth?
people's actions can only hurt us if we decide that they can.
no one's hurt me...i've only hurt myself.
but i know that those are thoughts of Masters, like Jesus. but wasn't he the one who spoke about the amazing things that we humans would do? and is it so hard to believe that "perfect forgiveness" exists?
we must stop limiting our minds and our abilities. perfect forgiveness is a possibility. the problem is that as you leave bullcrap behind, even those who care about you will want to entice you back to the past, to keep reliving those moments.
RUN!
and if possible, if you can find the courage not to care what people think, never look back--unless you're utilizing your past as a tool to help steer others in a more positive direction.
yes, i apologized. but i'm looking forward to "evolved" friendships where it's understood that there may be hurt, and that all those fluffy and apologetic words aren't needed when we fall short of each other. and as i examine my life, i find that the universe is giving me those types of people who can keep moving forward without needing to exchange apologies.
CRYSTAL, PAUL, TURKESSA, TASHA, ERICA, PRESTON...
you are just a FEW of those people.
my goal is mastery. if i set the bar any lower i will disappoint God (if that's even possible). And who but somebody in HELL wants to do that?
FYI: any old friends of Nikki's (not Miss Nikki Ann, but Nikki) who are reading this and have been hurt by any of her actions, do not be surprised or offended if you call me up and i act as if nothing ever happened. and if i find that "i've allowed' any of your actions to hurt me in anyway, i will--someway, somehow--get the fuck over it and call you up like nothing ever went down. i owe it to you to release you of your negative past, and i owe it to myself, so that i can expedite the healing process. pain shouldn't have to linger for years--even for a murderer.
But that's just My Truth.
Miss Nikki Ann
and at the same time, i had to move from apology into a place of not looking back, despite the person's feelings about my "old" actions.
to "over apologize" is to not let go. i believe in a thing called "perfect forgiveness." and though i have not mastered it, i understand why it's so important:
your past, if given the chance, would tie you down an leave you for dead--make you believe that you're something you no longer are.
so i've reevaluated my "old" actions and "reinstated" the peace i feel about my "old" actions. i can't afford to return to self-destruction simply to assure someone that i wish i hadn't done them any harm.
but the ultimate and scary truth?
people's actions can only hurt us if we decide that they can.
no one's hurt me...i've only hurt myself.
but i know that those are thoughts of Masters, like Jesus. but wasn't he the one who spoke about the amazing things that we humans would do? and is it so hard to believe that "perfect forgiveness" exists?
we must stop limiting our minds and our abilities. perfect forgiveness is a possibility. the problem is that as you leave bullcrap behind, even those who care about you will want to entice you back to the past, to keep reliving those moments.
RUN!
and if possible, if you can find the courage not to care what people think, never look back--unless you're utilizing your past as a tool to help steer others in a more positive direction.
yes, i apologized. but i'm looking forward to "evolved" friendships where it's understood that there may be hurt, and that all those fluffy and apologetic words aren't needed when we fall short of each other. and as i examine my life, i find that the universe is giving me those types of people who can keep moving forward without needing to exchange apologies.
CRYSTAL, PAUL, TURKESSA, TASHA, ERICA, PRESTON...
you are just a FEW of those people.
my goal is mastery. if i set the bar any lower i will disappoint God (if that's even possible). And who but somebody in HELL wants to do that?
FYI: any old friends of Nikki's (not Miss Nikki Ann, but Nikki) who are reading this and have been hurt by any of her actions, do not be surprised or offended if you call me up and i act as if nothing ever happened. and if i find that "i've allowed' any of your actions to hurt me in anyway, i will--someway, somehow--get the fuck over it and call you up like nothing ever went down. i owe it to you to release you of your negative past, and i owe it to myself, so that i can expedite the healing process. pain shouldn't have to linger for years--even for a murderer.
But that's just My Truth.
Miss Nikki Ann
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Another Monthly Town Block Watch Meeting
it was refreshing to see all my old elderly friends, complaining and fussing about the usual stuff. this meeting ran extra long as we had lots of "stupid" criminals to laugh at--they make the silliest mistakes. but one wasn't so fun...
high school boy has disagreement with dad over playing high school football. two days later he's still heated about it. he goes into his father's room as he's sleeping and stabs him 22 times. somehow dad is able to overpower the boy and calls for help.
one of our most irksome block watch attendees got into a heated discussion with the police officer who heads the Community Concerns Division. this woman is always getting in his--and any town worker's--butt. finally he was fed up after a year's worth of abuse and verbally--without profanity--slayed her. i grew tense, not knowing how he'd be able to continue his presentation with such tension, but he did, and with composure and all. most of us had chuckled at some time or another about all of her negative comments about the police department's way of doing things, so i'm sure she had it coming.
after the meeting was over, somehow she and i got into a conversation. we took that conversation outside in the drizzling rain, and talked from about 8:30 to 10:10 (i know cause i checked). i learned so much about that obnoxious women: the first thing being that she's obnoxious on purpose; it's her tool for getting things done. i learned that she's a twin and that she and her twin are total opposites (her sister being meek and quiet). i learned that she's single, but that her married sister has two daughters that are 14 months apart. The eldest daughter is like her and that drives her sister crazy. the eldest daughter is soon to marry a man that took the old-school route and courted her. and instead of moving in together before marriage, they live across the street from each other. i learned that she too is tired of watching so much riff-raft coming into this quiet little town. in her youth she lived in my neighborhood, so we spoke about all the local stores and places that "used" to be safe to walk to alone and at dark. she's a republican (i'm a supposed democrat). she's a catholic. she hates how her neighbor's loud music rattles her house. and she's sick and tired of being called a racist because she's fighting to keep her neighborhoods safe (cause God forbid if a white person complains about a black neighbor). and like i told her, "i'm black and i complain about my black neighbors, and some white one's too, but that don't make me no racist either." it means we're concerned tax payers who remember a time when life was simpler and neighborhoods safer.
now when i go to the next meeting and she's bitchin' and moanin' until it pisses us all off, i'll have a better understanding of what motivates this woman. cause God forbid if a woman talks in a loud voice that demands to be heard...that's just unladylike! and if this were Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room, i'd throw in some choice swear words like: "Fuck being ladylike when so much of the world is going down the toilet--make a stink if that's what kicks somebody's butt into gear." hey, maybe it's not my style, but how can i hate on those whom it works for.
high school boy has disagreement with dad over playing high school football. two days later he's still heated about it. he goes into his father's room as he's sleeping and stabs him 22 times. somehow dad is able to overpower the boy and calls for help.
one of our most irksome block watch attendees got into a heated discussion with the police officer who heads the Community Concerns Division. this woman is always getting in his--and any town worker's--butt. finally he was fed up after a year's worth of abuse and verbally--without profanity--slayed her. i grew tense, not knowing how he'd be able to continue his presentation with such tension, but he did, and with composure and all. most of us had chuckled at some time or another about all of her negative comments about the police department's way of doing things, so i'm sure she had it coming.
after the meeting was over, somehow she and i got into a conversation. we took that conversation outside in the drizzling rain, and talked from about 8:30 to 10:10 (i know cause i checked). i learned so much about that obnoxious women: the first thing being that she's obnoxious on purpose; it's her tool for getting things done. i learned that she's a twin and that she and her twin are total opposites (her sister being meek and quiet). i learned that she's single, but that her married sister has two daughters that are 14 months apart. The eldest daughter is like her and that drives her sister crazy. the eldest daughter is soon to marry a man that took the old-school route and courted her. and instead of moving in together before marriage, they live across the street from each other. i learned that she too is tired of watching so much riff-raft coming into this quiet little town. in her youth she lived in my neighborhood, so we spoke about all the local stores and places that "used" to be safe to walk to alone and at dark. she's a republican (i'm a supposed democrat). she's a catholic. she hates how her neighbor's loud music rattles her house. and she's sick and tired of being called a racist because she's fighting to keep her neighborhoods safe (cause God forbid if a white person complains about a black neighbor). and like i told her, "i'm black and i complain about my black neighbors, and some white one's too, but that don't make me no racist either." it means we're concerned tax payers who remember a time when life was simpler and neighborhoods safer.
now when i go to the next meeting and she's bitchin' and moanin' until it pisses us all off, i'll have a better understanding of what motivates this woman. cause God forbid if a woman talks in a loud voice that demands to be heard...that's just unladylike! and if this were Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room, i'd throw in some choice swear words like: "Fuck being ladylike when so much of the world is going down the toilet--make a stink if that's what kicks somebody's butt into gear." hey, maybe it's not my style, but how can i hate on those whom it works for.
Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room
Warning: Adult content. This linked site contains what some would deem as too much profanity and vulgar language/topics. Please remember that my Living Room is a creative outlet that's meant to stir you in a different way than this blog. For those against it, I will continue to keep it light here at Miss Nikki Ann's House. Thanks for visiting.
(Miss Manners does NOT reside here)
It's In The Air
something's brewing. and if i'm not careful i could be swept away with the mounting energy. it's at these times when i get a chance to really see how strong or weak my connection is. to see if i can utilize, under pressure, all of the skills i try to nurture. my goal is to stay quiet. listen more and talk less. get a sense for what's happening and stay connected to my higher power so that i'm ready to contribute consciously, and in a centered fashion, to whatever issue is at hand. simply: to not move before it is time to move.
you see, my truth is that earthly beings are playing out a big storyline. and if you watch and listen closely, you can be guided by what your next move could be. i say "could" instead of "should" because we were born with an extraordinary gift: choice.
so i'm paying close attention, and boy does it make me feel inadequate and out of my league. but it's not about leagues, it's about being led. so much of it is an illusuion anyway--but it's so easy to get trapped in the "fake" game.
we'll see...
you see, my truth is that earthly beings are playing out a big storyline. and if you watch and listen closely, you can be guided by what your next move could be. i say "could" instead of "should" because we were born with an extraordinary gift: choice.
so i'm paying close attention, and boy does it make me feel inadequate and out of my league. but it's not about leagues, it's about being led. so much of it is an illusuion anyway--but it's so easy to get trapped in the "fake" game.
we'll see...
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Eve's Wisdom
"Don't ask your friends, your priests, your astrologer, your real estate agent, your gurus, your experts, your newspapers, your talk show hosts, your bookshelves, your politicians, your "leaders" for advice and guidance. They don't know (although they may from time to time act like know-it-alls).
You have a compass that's uniquely calibrated for you and you alone. The time has come (if you haven't already), to commune with your own higher self, peak to your own higher self."
~Evelyn Rodriguez
"The God of this universe had promised that He would always, throughout the mortality of the individual, remain aligned with each child and continually SPEAK to each. The telepathic communications would always be ones of encouragement and love, NEVER FEAR ORIENTATED! This is why so many of you ones at times have the thought, “promises made and promises kept."
~Seth D8
~Seth D8
Around 1993-94
I was sitting in my dorm room with him (a place where boys weren't permitted to go).
He said: "What do you envision for your future."
I said: "That I will be able to walk into a room and exude an energy that draws people to me without my having to say a word."
Almost a decade later...
My uncle said: "I had a dream about you. You were on a stage in a room filled with people who desperately wanted to get to know you. And I told them with much pride: 'I already know her. That's my niece.'"
Last night...
I had a dream that my maternal grandmother and I were in a kitchen and a woman had come to her for her wisdom and sage advice. I watched closely as the two interacted and the woman felt comforted by my grandmother's energy. I was in awe and yearned for that experience even more so than the glimpses that I've experienced with it thus far.
In this moment...
I look toward something that is neither physically visible or tangible. At times I feel like a mad woman who has lost her mind as I move forward to a place that at this time exists multi-dimensionally. But I follow. It's why I'm here. And I am grateful.
He said: "What do you envision for your future."
I said: "That I will be able to walk into a room and exude an energy that draws people to me without my having to say a word."
Almost a decade later...
My uncle said: "I had a dream about you. You were on a stage in a room filled with people who desperately wanted to get to know you. And I told them with much pride: 'I already know her. That's my niece.'"
Last night...
I had a dream that my maternal grandmother and I were in a kitchen and a woman had come to her for her wisdom and sage advice. I watched closely as the two interacted and the woman felt comforted by my grandmother's energy. I was in awe and yearned for that experience even more so than the glimpses that I've experienced with it thus far.
In this moment...
I look toward something that is neither physically visible or tangible. At times I feel like a mad woman who has lost her mind as I move forward to a place that at this time exists multi-dimensionally. But I follow. It's why I'm here. And I am grateful.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Another Outlet
Here's the link to a new endeavor called Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room. This difference between Miss Nikki Ann's House and Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room? Well, this is the whole house, encompassing all aspects and parts of my life and personality, whereas, over at the Living Room, I'll be focusing on only one part of who I am in shorter snippets and anecdotes without any regard to how people feel about it. Here at Miss Nikki Ann's House I try to give four-star treatment, ensuring that the guests are comfortable and not too offended. At Miss Ann's Living Room I won't give a damn about my guests' feelings (which is why there won't be a comments section) or level of comfort (nor will I care about my own). Keeping it crass and simple, the way some things in life are.
FYI: If you're easily offended it may be a good idea to stick to this blog and avoid my new Living Room.
Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room
FYI: If you're easily offended it may be a good idea to stick to this blog and avoid my new Living Room.
Miss Nikki Ann's Living Room
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