"It's like, have you ever been somewhere and overstayed your welcome?"

I recorded this while taking a difficult walk uphill and pushing heavy Sir in the stroller at the same time; so the words may be difficult to make out.

Gabcast! Quotable #14 - My Truth 7/31/2007

My thoughts for the day...

Little Dude

Sir ran into the kitchen, beaming with enthusiasm. "I did it! I did it!"

Hmmm, I thought to myself, I'd better go and check this out. "Show me what you did," I said as I followed him into my parent's room.

Sir walked up to the television and pointed. "I did it! I did it!"

I looked closely, trying to think as a toddler would thing, then noted that the television's built-in VCR looked strange. I dug my hand in to find items that I'd been looking for for some time, including the money he'd just stolen from my purse. I pulled out his infant toothbrush, coupons, enough money to put him through boarding school... But there wasn't enough time to fully examine all the damage.

I walked into the kitchen and showed Crystal and my mother my findings.

Mom said, "Ya' know, I'd noticed that my television had been acting funny."

Now as I'm typing, I realize that I didn't even look into the televisions CD player to see what treasures he'd hidden in there. After a good nights rest, and walking myself through my FREEDOM steps, I'll go and finish cleaning out the VCR and examining the rest of the damage.

Note to self: As you walk through those FREEDOM steps, be sure to address the anger you felt towards him for showing out at the Italian bakery, one of your favorite places. And ask for extra forgiveness for the depths of disgust you felt as you had to carry him out of there, dragging him by his limp arm, hoping that a bomb would drop on him before you killed him on your own; only to find that you'd left the place without getting a sweet treat; only to find that once you buckled him in the car he was all smiles; only to find that you were so pissed that you didn't return his smile and refused any conversation with him for at least the next two miles; only later to look at him with a gentle heart and the will to try to be patient with him again; only to later find that he would break your favorite pair of sunglasses; only to find right now that you now have to walk through the FREEDOM steps and forgive him for that too...

I Don't Know Nothin'

Numbers aren't my thing; unless we're talking about percentages, that's my thing. Science isn't my thing, world history isn't my thing, sports aren't my thing, boating isn't my thing, cooking isn't my thing, rock climbing isn't thing, engineering isn't my thing, talking on the phone isn't my thing, being bold isn't my thing, not giving a damn isn't my thing, geology isn't my thing, cars aren't my thing, staining wood isn't my thing, being around large crowds of people isn't my thing, baking isn't my thing, retaining lots of random facts isn't my thing, ESPN isn't my thing, bungee jumping isn't my thing, giving directions isn't my thing, being present at every function isn't my thing, going to church every Sunday isn't my thing, politicking isn't my thing, measuring stuff isn't my thing, recording goals isn't my thing, keeping a calendar isn't my thing, wearing a watch isn't my thing...

The phone rings.

Miss Nikki Ann answers (yes, this is an unusual thing).

"Nikki, could you tell me why such-in-such is happening?"

"Do you want the truth or do you just want to vent?"

"I want the truth."

"Okay, here goes..."

Now, that's my thing. Call it what you may or don't call it at all; it's just my thing.

What's yours?

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Prologue

The alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus.

The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.

But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

He said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

"Why do you weep?" the goddesses asked.

"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

"Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."

"But...was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.

"Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!"

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

"What a lovely story," the alchemist thought.


This excerpt is from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

little guy in the way

little dude decides that coloring monitor is okay

little guy trying to climb on desk

little dude trying to take my pen

little guy has enough pens in his hand

little dude seems to be going upstairs

wait.....

almost....

maybe...

yes, making way upstairs to bother abuela

*a sigh of relief*

must enjoy this brief moment

*taking second to enjoy*

now must go and finish project

have made lots of progress

and project will soon be over

until then...

working on other folks stuff and not my own

uh-oh! abuela is yelling at little guy

i've decided to stay out of it

now going to finish project

In

s

t

in

c

t

"A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson: reading 2

Gabcast! Quotable #13 - "A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson: reading 2

Miss Nikki Ann delivers a reading from Marianne Williamson's book "A Woman's Worth" (Chapter Six: A Golden Cord).

Sweet Kisses

First it was a kiss on my left cheek.

Then he moved to my right cheek.

I told him thank you and continued staring at the television.

The he gently kissed me on my lips.

I told him thank you again and continued my television viewing.

Then he kissed my left shoulder.

Caught me off guard.

Then my right.

I finally looked at him.

And he kissed my collar bone.

Time stopped.

I looked deeply into his wide eyes.

He was waiting for acknowledgment.

I hugged him and said:

"You are loving, gentle and kind. Thank you. I appreciated that."

And I kissed his soft shoulder.

He kissed my left cheek.

My right.

My left shoulder.

My right.

My lips.

My mom watched our intimate moment.

I was still in awe.

In that moment, I realized that a boy child's first moments of intimacy are with his mother (coming out of her vagina, breastfeeding, cuddling at the breast, loving kisses & hugs.) And however she decides to respond to it can determine how he'll nurture and care for the women he encounters in his manhood.

So I embraced him again, happy to give him a safe, loving, and nonjudgmental place to showcase his love and tenderness.

Here's to boys who'll one day be men. Here's to the women who will benefit from strong, sensitive, yielding men. Here's to love--love without apology.

"Sir, you can give my shoulders gently kisses whenever you please. And I pray that as you grow older, you won't forget to grace me with them forevermore."

~Mi Mi

"A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson

Gabcast! Quotable #12 - "A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson

Miss NIkki Ann delivers a reading of Marianne Williamson's book "A Woman's Worth" (Chapter Six: A Golden Cord).

THE WALTONS/ INSIDE AMERICA'S RICHEST FAMILY - November 15, 2004

Things we forget about in our daily living...

THE WALTONS/ INSIDE AMERICA'S RICHEST FAMILY - November 15, 2004

pas
si
on

Man Up The Street Update

He's back! And not just that... She's back (the girlfriend who promised the judge on that television show that she'd never speak to him again) and her "little bitch" daughter is back! (Please note: Miss Nikki Ann is not calling "said" daughter a bitch; it's what Man Up The Street so lovingly called her one day). So they're all back.

Mom said to Miss Nikki Ann: "I should call her over here and show her the taping we have of them in court, and then tell her 'when you go to court the next time and the judge asks if you're going to stay away from him, tell the truth.'"

Yes, Man Up The Street's little bitch was outside pumping, bumping and grinding to some music that was playing from the vehicle that they'd all been bent over looking under the hood for two hours. Boy was it a show. And all I could do was chuckle. I hadn't noticed how much I'd missed their entertainment. But I sure as heck can't wait for them to go back home too! It's been hours, and as I type, they're still out there.

For those who are just getting acquainted with Man Up The Street, here's the link to previous posts: Man Up The Street Updates.

Besos

Rest Is Best

Gabcast! Quotable #11 - Rest Is Best

Miss Nikki Ann's thoughts on what a good night's rest can do for a confused and weary mind & body.

Ha
ve

Me
r
cy

Marianne Williamson's The Ten Bridges of Transformation

Boy did I hit the jackpot. I was sitting here, about to do some editing, thinking that I needed to do some meditation before moving forward, when I found this link to some audio clips of Marianne Williamson's: The Ten Bridges of Transformation. And it was exactly what I needed to regain my focus and composure. She said a couple of things that I had to write down:

"Only what you're not giving can be lacking in any given situation."

"Salvation begins when you consider the possibility that there might be another way."

I truly enjoyed listening to the three audio clips they have posted on the site. But enough chit chat about it. Here's the link: The Ten Bridges of Transformation.

Keith Sweat and The Sweat Hotel

Heard Keith Sweat on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Woo-hoo! That's my boy. His chocolate voice and blatant lisp melt my heart. I was swoonin'! So I had to go to the website of his new radio show The Sweat Hotel. I just knew there was no way that the website could be as sexy as he is, but it is. Ladies...it is! Wow! The opening song is one of my favorites: Right and Wrong Way.

"There's a right and a wrong way to love somebody. Ya' love them right."

Miss Nikki Ann shouted back at the music, "Hell, love me right Keith!"

He has two other songs on there as well, you just look to the top right-hand corner and scroll through them.

And there's a section on the site called Apologies--I guess it's a recorded segment of his show where people call in to apologize to folks--ya' have to his voice on the recordings.

I don't know, it just made my day. Cleared my head so that I could do some work. It was nostalgia, made me think of the Friday evenings Ma and I spent with records spread across the floor. My favorite was always The Betty Wright Live album. Boy, we'd groove for hours, and she'd be cooking (good down south food--not southern food, but down south food!) and cleaning the house as friends and family stopped by to say hi. Man... My mom's not just my mom, she's my friend. I learned to groove from this woman, to sing, dance, and move with a joy that relinquishes the pressures that can accompany life. Friday nights with Ma....

Groove on y'all. Whatever your musical taste is...groove on...

To Ava: As I read your posts, I often imagine what it must feel like to be at one of your musical sessions. You all seem to have a really good time.

Using My Voice

"I don't remember them or I never try to remember them."

That was a statement I made about ten years ago or so.

Friends would often give me vivid details of their dreams and then ask me to dissect them. Some seemed significant--like the Spirit speaking and sending the mind on a necessary journey--others, like the brain just needed to fart.

Over time, as I've opened more to the mystical Goddess in me and more to the spiritual realm, I've seen and felt a bit more.

Back story:

At the age of about thirteen, a young Miss Nikki Ann was hiding under her covers, having another restless night over the recent death of her aunt whom she saw and touched in the casket. Miss Nikki Ann felt someone tapping on her foot. She was afraid to look up, but decided that if it was her aunt that she would never do her any harm. Miss Nikki Ann finally found the courage and came from up under the covers. What she saw stuck with her for life, the back of some ethereal being's white wispy robe exiting her bedroom. Miss Nikki Ann told her mom, who then told her to pray to God and ask that he tell her aunt that she loves her but doesn't want her to visit her anymore.

About a year later, Miss Nikki Ann was on the phone with a best friend discussing spiritual & religious matter. Miss Nikki Ann said:

"Don't you feel different? I feel special."

And I wasn't talking about the kind of special that means different and more important than others. I was talking about feeling Spirit and having some weird and inexplicable desire to follow its desires for me.

At the time I never knew just how profound that was and where it'd lead me. But at the young age of fourteen, I did begin to use that special ability more consciously, in more and more mystical ways to solve daily issues.

About six years ago, when I was really a practicing priestess, so to speak, I had a visit in my sleep (cause some things aren't dreams, they're truly visits from other spirits needing to talk with you). They seemed like little water sprites (i'm not sure if that's what they were, but it's what they looked like). They looked as if they were made up of water, they glistened and were hard to keep my eyes on, but I could clearly see their eyes and mouths. But they didn't speak to me. They seemed to be working on my body, with a great intensity. An intensity so great that upon awakening, I felt pain everywhere from their touches. And just to get their point across, they made sure that the pain lasted for days so that I wouldn't doubt their work on me--like some doubt the works of past mystical workers (like Jesus). From that day on I knew. What did I know? Only what those who are willing to open up to the experience know. Trust me, you'll know if you know it. And it's not some select club, it's for anyone willing to take the ride.

Which leads me to this...

Last night my spirit put me through a story. It went like this:

I'm at a department store. Lots of girls are there. Girls I know. I got there after coming back from another mini journey my spirit was on that entailed my brother and computer technology. But I digress. At the store every one's trying on clothes. Soon I see lots of interesting characters--hustlers, bootleggers, and that kinda sort.

Then the scene changes to what appears to be a huge church at the back of the store. I hear of some strange goings on. A woman snatches me into a bathroom and gives me two sharp knives, which I slip under each sleeve;I can still sense the pain of the sharp ends piercing my fingers as they slide out. I am told that I am supposed to get past security with the knives, and that if I do so, I will be compensated and inducted into this group of hustlers. I see Tasha Smasha (hey Tasha) and she's obviously attempting to do the job too. I get past security. Then begin a dialogue with spirit.

I said, "I don't want to enter that church with these knives. It doesn't feel right. And I don't care about the money."

Spirit said, "Drop the knives. If you know me the way you say you do, you know that everything is already taken care of. Trust in me."

I dropped the knives into some high grass and ran into the church. There were two entrances into the sanctuary. I passed the first one, lot of my old church family members were standing there. I peered through the door of the second entrance--noting how safe it'd be to go that way, not having to speak to anyone, just slipping into a back pew.

But spirit spoke, "As usual, you're trying to take the easy way out. Listen to the singing. Listen and go to them."

So I headed back to the first entrance where my old church members were. And all of a sudden spirit overcame me. I began singing a Kelly Price spiritual with the group.

Spirit said, "No! Open your mouth, child, and sing! You lead the song! Sing!"

So I took the lead, singing, "You shall always be Lord of all..."

And I mean, I sang that song. I sang that song until I cried a low growl of a cry. I sang that song until everyone around me was moved to the upper levels of heaven in their hearts and ego-based minds.

"I love you Lord because you heard my cry and pitied every groan... You shall always be Lord of all..."

I sang and sang until I awoke from the story. My eyes opened and I felt actual human tears forming. I replayed that song over and over in my head, wanting so much in the wee hours to lift my hands up and sway and rock myself.

"Because you heard my cry and pitied every groan... Lord of all..."

And then, with my eyes wide open, Spirit spoke, saying, "It's time--"

And I already knew what Spirit was going to say, so I said, "It's time to open my mouth an use my voice."

"Yes," Spirit said. "O', how you've avoided it. But it's time."

You shall always be Lord of all.

"Thank you for hearing my human cry and giving me the time to accept what is so that has always been so and what will always be so whether I accept or agree or not."

Amen,

Nikki Ann


A memory: Tasha Smasha, do you remember the day, back at Tuskegee University, when you had a financial worry? And I told you to put those worries aside and spend that last ten dollars anyway. And I promised you that if my instructions failed you that I, myself, would refund you that money. And I never had to do so. It seemed that everything, after all, was okay...

En
chan
ted

Repression: dreaming of a white man

dreaming about unknown man.

his scent lingers.

longing for something not real?

he said, "i have a girlfriend."

i thought, "i don't care."

realized that i did care.

realized i was dreaming.

realized that his slim figure matched black man i know well.

black man i know well in a physically personal way.

realized what repression does to the subconscious mind.

its voice will not be denied.

even if it has to haunt me in my sleep.

am awake now.

but his scent still lingers.

longing...

but now i know for whom.

Love,

Cotton

Miss Nikki Ann's World: Episode 3

Lots of rain. Lots of purification. You just never know... You just never know...

And so another day ends...

About that time to count some sheep.

What was today will not be tomorrow.

There's only one now and the rest is either history or too futuristic to contemplate this late in the night--

Rest your mind on that...

Nite Nite,

Miss Nikki Ann

Twitter Reminder

If you haven't joined Twitter yet, you're so missing out on the "obsessive" fun.

Dad?

The other week when my godbrother was visiting, I looked out my window and saw a hilarious site. My dad, who's getting "older" and needs to quit trying to do some stuff, was out bad cutting on our biggest, most ferocious, tree. This thing is a whammy! We've been quoted outrageous prices for having the "sap sucker" cut down. Well, I guess dad decided to give it a shot. My godbrother watched and sipped beer as he cut away. Uncle Robert Earl drove by and stopped and tried to keep him from killing himself. And Reverend Miller came by with his old butt and tried to assist. It was madness. And in the end, after all of that cutting (and then burning the limbs he'd gotten down--smoking up the entire neighborhood) you could barely tell the difference. Gosh, I hope they send this dude out of state to work really soon, before he hurts himself or someone else.

Note to self: Must stop peering out of my bedroom window, I see way too many things that I wouldn't have to stress over if I'd just mind my own buisness.

Enjoy...

Sir's Great Escape

Early this morning Sir decided that he needed to wear a winter hat and gloves while running around in only a pair of socks. All of this was fine by me, being that it's easier to potty train without a diaper on. Anywho, sometime that morning I looked out my window after hearing mom yell at Sir. I saw her chasing him up the street...you guessed it, with that winter hat, gloves, socks and a bare body. Is this guy an exhibitionist or what? Enjoy the pics...

Note to self: One day he's really gonna hate me for posting this one.

And so another day begins...

And so another day ends...

And it's about time--it's been a long one.

May sleep wrap its arms around you.

Until we meet again...

You know who I am,

Miss Nikki Ann

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......................

Nevada couple blame Internet for neglect - Yahoo! News

RENO, Nev. - A couple who authorities say were so obsessed with the Internet and video games that they left their babies starving and suffering other health problems have pleaded guilty to child neglect.
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The children of Michael and Iana Straw, a boy age 22 months and a girl age 11 months, were severely malnourished and near death last month when doctors saw them after social workers took them to a hospital, authorities said. Both children are doing well and gaining weight in foster care, prosecutor Kelli Ann Viloria told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Michael Straw, 25, and Iana Straw, 23, pleaded guilty Friday to two counts each of child neglect. Each faces a maximum 12-year prison sentence.

Viloria said the Reno couple were too distracted by online video games, mainly the fantasy role-playing "Dungeons & Dragons" series, to give their children proper care.

"They had food; they just chose not to give it to their kids because they were too busy playing video games," Viloria told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Police said hospital staff had to shave the head of the girl because her hair was matted with cat urine. The 10-pound girl also had a mouth infection, dry skin and severe dehydration.

Her brother had to be treated for starvation and a genital infection. His lack of muscle development caused him difficulty in walking, investigators said.

The Straws have been given public defenders. Jeremy Bosler, head of the county public defender's office, declined to comment to The Associated Press on Saturday.

Michael Straw is an unemployed cashier, and his wife worked for a temporary staffing agency doing warehouse work, according to court records. He received a $50,000 inheritance that he spent on computer equipment and a large plasma television, authorities said.

While child abuse because of drug addiction is common, abuse rooted in video game addiction is rare, Viloria said.

Last month, experts at an American Medical Association meeting backed away from a proposal to designate video game addiction as a mental disorder, saying it had to be studied further. Some said the issue is like alcoholism, while others said there was no concrete evidence it's a psychological disease.

Patrick Killen, spokesman for Nevada Child Abuse Prevention, said video game addiction's correlation to child abuse is "a new spin on an old problem."

"As we become more technologically advanced, there's more distractions," Killen said. "It's easy for someone to get addicted to something and neglect their children. Whether it's video games or meth, it's a serious issue, and (we) need to become more aware of it."

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Went to grocery store at 8 AM...

I'm against big crowds of people...

Toddler was upset that he couldn't get candy...

Ride was cool...

All windows down, no air conditioning in the car...

Happy to get out before heat sets in...

Should be 88 today--hot for CT...

Watching toddler leave basement to harass grandfather...

Not sure if toddler leaving to be with mindless grandfather is okay...

Bought creamy, rich, fatty, chocolate ice cream...

Bought chocolate sprinkles...

Who created low-fat ice cream?

What's the point in that?

Will make cone soon...

Lots of sprinkles...

Wondering how toddler's doing with grandfather...

Will now call out to toddler...

Called but got no reply...

Hear footsteps of toddler and grandfather...

Wondering if grandfather has forgotten about the food he has simmering on the stove...

Going to check on stove...

Crap!

Good thing I checked, no liquid in pot...

Hear father running water...

Phone's ringing...

Ignoring it...

Come on! Like I ever pick up the phone...

Wasn't my phone anyway...

House phone...

Which I never answer...

Toddler screaming...

Be back...

Am back...

Actually, am doing a lot better with returning my phone calls AND answering my phone...

Still refuse to answer the house phone...

All those calls are for mom and dad and I'd only end up taking messages...

Peanut likes to annoy me by calling me on the house phone...

Inquires as to why I didn't answer...

Tired of telling him that it ain't my phone and that he knows to contact me by cell...

Usually take Sir by Peanut's on Sunday (or Saturday) mornings to harass him and Tee-Tee...

Probably won't do that today...

Toddler's singing a song...

Reminds me to look around for a free drum set...

Think I'll go on craigslist.com and try to find one now...

I'm out...

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Toddler throwing fit.

Grandma trying to fix it.

Mother sitting and listening.

Now toddler stomping.

Mother about to yell for him to stop it.

Mother does.

Tells toddler to come.

Grandma still trying to figure out what toddler wants.

Chocolate milk? Cereal?

Aw, it was cereal.

Okay.

Now toddler wants specific utensil.

Grandma tries to figure it out.

Toddler agrees with choices.

Okay.

Toddler eats.

Okay.

Day moves on.

Okay...

Potty Training Playdate

It was a success. Sir earned way too many stickers for me to even keep count. He peed on the potty, crapped on the potty, read on the potty all day long. Duke Aaron and Princess Laya did a great job too. At the end, Duke Aaron even announced: I have to go to the potty. Yippee! A mother's delight.

Duke Aaron's mother inquired: "So, Aaron, are you going to potty at home?"

Duke Aaron responded: "No!"

Toddlers have a mind of their own.

And Princess Laya didn't go as much as the boys, but that probably had something to do with them being so rowdy that it was hard for her to concentrate. Sir and Duke push and throw and hit each other all day. Poor Princess, she just doesn't know what to do with her boys. But the three of them are so in love with each other. I caught Duke taking Princess's hand and walking with her--up until she grew tired of him and pushed him off. And lots of times I spy Sir watching Princess with an intensity that only suggests love; a love that will one day spark a fight between Duke and Sir--I'm so looking forward to that! I mean, we princesses need love too! And we shouldn't receive that love only when they boys get tired of playing with each other (oftentimes, Duke and Sir act as if Princess isn't there).

Anywho, the royal gang will be getting together AGAIN today (that's a total of 4 times this week). Duke Aaron's mother created this thing where every Friday lots of moms gather at her place, half the moms get to stay and the other half get to leave. The funny part is that we moms are enjoying each other so much that we've all stayed, but at least we have the option.

So the adventures of The Duke, The Sir, The Prince and The Mighty Princess will continue soon. And yes, there has been a book idea behind all of this since Sir met his first buddy Zohar (who's The Prince in the storyline). It's a story that I tell to myself and may one day put pen to paper and make all the magic happen. That's maybe. For now, I'm enjoying the stories of their magical land. It makes me believe that love is a possibility that will overshadow all the darkness. One day... One day...

Miss Nikki Ann

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School Reunion & Potty Training & Procrastination

There are things I SHOULD be doing right now, and I'll get to them in ten minutes! **This is the promise I'm making to myself**

Two of Sir's buddies are coming by tomorrow for a potty playdate. What's a potty playdate? Something I made up while meditating in the shower (or just another way to keep Sir busy and mentally stimulated). I've invited Princess Laya and Duke Aaron over to partake in two full hours of non-stop potty training. Princess Laya's mom is bringing her potty over (you know gents and ladies can't use the same potty!) and Sir and Duke will use Sir's potty and the regular toilet. By the time these kids leave, either they'll be trained or they'll never want to see the potty again. Sir's been potty training himself for awhile (I got lucky! And I deserve this bit of luck after all that colick I suffered through) and he's doing such a great job, so he'll really enjoy this intense training session. And when I called to invite the buddies over, their moms did not hesitate to say yes, aside from asking me why I'd want to do this to myself again and again.

Anywho, I just finished watching the Charm School reunion show. Man, it was difficult to stomach. Monique is a strong and centered woman, because somebody else wouldn't have had the patience for the issues that these women have. After seeing Larissa's (Bootz) mother in action, I now have a better understanding of why she is the way she is.

On the other hand, I so want Shay (Buckeey) to grow up; she's one of my favorites and has so much potential. Saafyri (who didn't stay long enough on Flav's show to get a nickname after beating the heck out of that chick) and Leilene (Smiley) are my other favorites--along with Schatar (Hottie), who I believe doesn't get enough credit. I love that Schatar allows everything, even negative comments shot at her, to roll off her back. I admire that quality and seek to nurture more of it in myself. Plus, she's just a lot of fun, without using all the hooker and foul mouth nastiness that most of the other girls displayed. And I can't forget Courtney (Goldie), she's simply a sweetheart--too bad she went too far with that comedy set about Monique. But I'm happy to see that the two of them aren't harboring any ill feelings, and that Mo's offer for Courtney to go on tour with her still stands.

Oh, and I must say congratulations to Saafyri for winning the competition (and to Leilene for coming in second). It seems things are going well for her and she's now got a roof over her head. I'm rooting for her. I can't wait to see how she grows in the years to come.

Then there were a few, like Larissa, Brooke, and Cristal, who didn't seem to make much progress. And not only didn't they make progress, but they clearly had no idea that their antics were unsettling to most viewers.

And what about the fact that people like Darra (Like Dat), Jennifer (Toastee), and Thela (Rain) weren't even showcased on the reunion show; they just moved the cameras right passed them. And I like Darra--excpet when she's burping and drinking out of milk cartons (but to her credit, that wasn't in Charm School, only Flavor of Love).

And then there's Heather...I mean Krazy...I mean Nevaeh (that's Heaven spelled backwards, remember?). In her mind she's already a superstar, and ain't much else to say about that. But...was she even in the reunion audience? I forgot to look for her. Heck, I'd forgotten she existed until I went to write this post.

But that's all just fun talk (even though most of it's truth). I hope the best for them all and that all of they're days will continue to be charming. And yes, that was corny as corn.

Miss Nikki Ann (upset that Charm School is over for the summer--even though she knows she'll get caught up in the reruns)

Stranger On Earth by recording artist Lina (Audio)

Gabcast! Quotable #10 - Stranger On Earth by recording artist Lina

The quality on this recording is very poor (held the phone up to the CD player!), but my only point is to showcase the lyrics--if you can actually hear them!






Some fools don't know what's right from wrong


But somehow those fools belong


Me? I tried for all I'm worth


But I still remain a stranger on this earth


Some people bloom, while other folks strive


Me? I gotta struggle to keep alive


Ever since, the day of my birth


I've been a stranger on earth


I try to be what all folks should


Forgetting the bad and doing good


But no matter how I try


My troubles always multiply


Nah, I've been living the best I can


Ever since life began


Someday when I prove my worth


I won't be no stranger on this earth


I been living the best I can


Lord knows, ever since my life began


The day's gonna come when I don't have to prove my worth


And I won't be no stranger


I said I won't be no stranger on this earth.

What It Does To You

There's this woman I know. This white woman. She's probably in her fifties. Yesterday I listened to her as she went down her laundry list of ailments--my mouth wide open. But my mouth was only wide open for affect, because my third eye could see exactly why she was ailing. She went on about the time she had five doctor appointments in one week. Then she went on and on about her aches and pains. Then she started talking about getting married right out of high school to some Puerto Rican jerk. Then she went on about divorcing him right before she got pregnant and then marrying another Puerto Rican jerk. Then she started on how much she can't stand her grandson's Hispanic grandmother. And the next thing out of her mouth was disdain for all Hispanic people.

In my youth, I'd get really heated when people started talking this sort of craziness. In adulthood I know that this kind of talk is only a front for the fear that is gripping a person's life and squeezing the shit out of them. This woman isn't mad at Hispanics or her husbands or her grandson's grandmother. This woman is mad because she hates herself. And that's what fear does to you.

She said to me, "I know that's mean stuff to say."

I said to her, "It's human stuff to say."

And my response wasn't one that was meant to evoke a pat on the back for her hurtful comments. My response was simply to continue to get her to open up to me each time I see her every week. Ya' see, if I had told her that she was talking some racist bullshit, she would have shutdown; her spirit would have been overshadowed by her ego. Ya' see, I see the true her. I know that the stuff she was saying was only fear and hurt talking. I've seen her other sides. I know that her illnesses (physical and mental) are only due to her fear-based thinking.

Each week she comes to me with such vulnerable topics. And the only way she's going to move beyond them is to continue to hear herself say them out loud. Not once has she had this sort of dialogue with me without then pointing out that she feels unsettled about it.

And that's what I'm about. Letting the ego shout so that the spirit can remind us of its bullshit. And no, not all people will hear the spirits cry, but I'm willing to stick it out with those who seem to have a glimmer of a chance. And that's what love is. And that's the part of love that we find to be most difficult. And that's the part that Masters have mastered. And that's the water I'm attempting to tread, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it gets for me.

Pray for me.

Miss Nikki Ann (who knows her ego's a liar, but often gets lost its tedious games)

Stranger on Earth by music artist Lina

Some fools don't know what's right from wrong

But somehow, those fools belong

Me? I tried for all I'm worth

But I still remain a stranger on this earth

Some people bloom, while other folks strive

Me? I gotta struggle to keep alive

Ever since, the day of my birth

I've been a stranger on earth

I try to be what all folks should

Forgetting the bad and doing good

But no matter how I try

My troubles always multiply

Nah, I've been living the best I can

Ever since, life began

Someday when I prove my worth

I won't be no stranger on this earth

I been living the best I can

Lord knows, ever since my life began

The day's gonna come when I don't have to prove my worth

And I won't be no stranger

I said I won't be no stranger on this earth.

A Nikki Moment

I walked right into an anxiety attack yesterday. BOOM! Right into that circle that leads to nowhere. And I mean it leads to nowhere AT ALL. My innocent world caved right in on me. It happened so fast that it took a minute to register. And when the fall is that fast, it's hard to connect to sanity. It's difficult to walk myself out of the anxiety and into FREEDOM (Focus:Recognize Triggers:Evaluate Thoughts:Evaluate Emotions:Define Your Goal:Organize Your Options:Make A Contribution). I'm telling you, when I can come out of the fog, just for a second, and see my exit to FREEDOM, those steps are miraculous. But the ego is a strong mofo, I tell ya'. Strong. Sometimes when I can't connect to the server and all of my files are down, I just go to bed--a tool that my mother taught/forced on me when I was younger (cause I've been stressing her since I was little), and it still works today. Because time (like a long night's rest) can and does heal wounds, if you're open to it; cause sometimes you can go to bed angry and wake up with that same anger if you decide not to release it--tis true. It's all about choice. We choose how we react to the conditions that fly at us at an all time high. Things today move so fast. People move so fast. And me? I do best when I don't. I don't have to be like all the movers and shakers, and I don't want to be. Chaos doesn't suit my soul's agenda. And if it goes against what's natural for my soul...it's gotta go. Peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. Now that's FREEDOM.

Until we meet again...

Miss Nikki-At Peace-Ann-By Way Of Insanity To Sanity

I AM.

A Ride to Wickford, Rhode Island In The Covertible

Yesterday was a good day. I took a trip to Rhode Island with my godbrother. We drove in his convertible with the top down all the way. The weather was perfect, and as we New Englanders know, Rhode Island is a beautiful state. The name of the quaint town is Wickford, and we were lucky to be there on the day of their art festival. With the beach right down the street, the little village was full of people and excitement.

Before we ventured off into town (this is a place where people walk and bike everywhere instead of driving) we enjoyed home cooked Southern Indian food. My godbrother's pregnant Indian friend (Indian, not Native American), Padma, is married to a German guy (cute couple). Padma's mother is visiting until Padma has the baby--this woman is 80-years-old and makes the most amazing Indian food (we had both lunch and dinner with them). And although I've had Indian food before, there was something extra special about being there to watch her make the food, and then sitting down at the table and eating it the way they do (with bread and fingers).

Anywho, we walked all around Wickford and chatted about any- and everything. Padma's friend had informed us that she's had Lyme disease once and that her husband had been bitten three times by Lyme ticks! I mean, I grew up in Connecticut, the home of Lyme Connecticut, but had yet to encounter anyone who'd contracted this disease, and all of a sudden, I meet two of them, but in Rhode Island. Along the way, we bought refreshing drinks, and lots of lemonade from kids selling in front of their houses.

Here are some Wickford pics that I found on the internet (and these aren't just random pictures, I visited each of the places that are pictured on today's post--even the picture at the top).

It was a nice day and night (we left at 10:30 a.m. we didn't get back until after 11 p.m.--Wickford is a hour and a half away). Miss Nikki Ann needed the rest, good company and conversation. And the breeze caressing my bald head as I rode in the convertible didn't hurt!

Besos a todos! (Gosh, I don't even know if that's right. My Spanish skills are rusty)

Miss Nikki Ann

Sorry....

I'm still having Blogger issues. I must walk away from the computer now, before I blow something up! I am so frustrated. And when you're frustrated and pushing against a brick wall? Stop. Walk through the FREEDOM (Focus...Recognize Trigger...Evaluate Thoughts...Evaluate Emotions...Define Goal...Organize Options...Make A Contribution).

So I'm at Organize Options. I'm deciding to walk away and let be what will be. And the contribution is that I won't stress myself out anymore than I have.

Bye...

What?

Have realized that there must be some Blogger issue. I've tried everything to fix it. It's almost midnight and I've wasted way too much energy on this--so much energy that it's making me rethink my life and my existence. It's silly, really--what small, insignificant thing can upset you. For some reason, I'm taking it as a sign. Or...maybe I'm just tired as heck. Need sleep. Need sleep now.

So please be patient with this jacked-up layout as I try to figure this out at a later date. Or maybe I won't figure it out. Maybe this is just the end for me. Sick of it all really. And blah...blah...blah. You get the whole whinning routine.

Miss Nikki Ann

Blog Problems

So it wasn't just Firefox. My blog is coming up all screwy in Internet Explorer too. I looked at the template and it looks fine, but obviously something is wrong. Until it's figured (as if I have time to figure it out) you may have to scroll all the way down to see the things that used to be in the left sidebar. Then again, technology is so weird that it may not looking funny on your computer. Who knows...

Karrine Steffans

So today I came across this Karrine Steffans link on Twitter. I was a little curious--the Wendy-Williams-nosey-diva in me--and followed the link. On the site she posts these really intimate video diaries (even a clip of her on Oprah--for crying out loud!).

And what can I say... Instantly, I was hooked. I watched personal video after personal video until I had to force myself to leave her page. What drew me in was her openness. There was something in eyes, and something so refreshing about her willingness to share pieces of her life--and if you hadn't noticed, I love that type of stuff and that's exactly why I do what I do (however you describe what I do).

Anywho, here's the link: http://karrine.com/home2007.html. Enjoy.

FYI: For those who don't know anything about the hip-hop world, you may want to do a little research on Karrine Steffans. The information you'll find will be interesting.

FYI part two: For those who don't know anything about the hip-hop world, you may want to do a little research on Wendy Williams (a black radio personality). The information you'll find will have you listening to her show on the radio or the internet (I think it airs on the internet) everyday.

For PEANUT: Check out the video that has the word Bobby in the title. In this clip, she has footage of Bobby Brown sleeping on her couch.

FYI again: For those who don't know anything about R&B and Bobby Brown...that's just too damn bad. Who in the hell doesn't know who Bobby Whitney Houston Brown is? And if you really have no idea, then I apologize for poking fun at you.

I'm out!

Miss Nikki Ann

Just To Let You Know...

No One's Home!

Please leave a message or feel free to drop by after the holiday:

We will be returning July 5th.

Enjoy your holiday.

Firefox versus Internet Explorer

Okay, so I downloaded Fifefox to the laptop today because I was having viewing problems on Pownce with my Internet Explorer. Anywho, I've had Firefox on my personal computer and loved it. But for some reason, my blog looks all jacked-up when viewing it on my laptop with Firefox. *sigh* You can't win. Firefox is fast and has lots of safety features, but nothing is as good on viewing abilities as that slow-behind IE--go figure. Winning and losing can go hand in hand.

Pownce Invites

For anyone in need, I have six Pownce invites. Email me if you'd like one. So far I like Pownce, but it doesn't measure up to the silly simplicity of Twitter. I don't know... Maybe it's because I haven't built up my friends foundation, like in Twitter. And my two Pownce friends are from my Twitter account. **note to self: must keep socializing and find more Pownce people.** Anywho, I'm off to ponder solutions in dreamland, it seems to be the only place where God can talk and I have no choice but to listen--but in the morning, my issues are always resolved this way.

Much love,

Miss Nikki Ann

Pownce

Oh boy!  I got a Pownce invite.  The world can't stop me now.  On the other hand, even though I got a Joost invite, after much research--and even downloading it--I decided to wait until it becomes a better program.

 

Now let's see if I love Pownce as much as I do Twitter--but I can't imagine that being the case.  We'll see if I've found a new obsession for this week.  And hey, Twittering has become more than just an obsession--its a passion; I'm almost up to 200 twits.  Yay! for me working outside of my usually flighty ways!

 

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School hits? Are you for real?

Have decided not to stress myself too much about the obscene number of people who are still coming to this site since the picture incident. But now, I am finding that folks are coming also to read that itty-bitty post I did about Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. Such an insignificant post has attracted so many readers--go figure.

We'll just keep it business as usual around here. Doing what we do best, picking apart the weird happenings in my day-to-day life. And in case you didn't know, I appreciate the time you take out of your schedule (um, time that should probably be spent working that job you're usually at when reading my posts) to come an have a seat in my house. It's been fun, and I'll continue to use you all as free therapists--for as long as time and CONDITIONS (cause I will shut dis bitch down if perverts appear) permit.

Thanks for taking this ride with me.

Until latas...

Miss Nikki Ann (trying to cut back on the use of swear words in her posts--trying (unless more perverts come through, bitch!)