Spring 2006

Isom and I have been spending a lot of time enjoying springtime. Last week I pulled out the camera and took some shots of the our wonderful findings around the yard. I don't know about him, but I was inspired by this tree that we have in the front yard that blossoms with beautiful white and pink flowers every year. A few years ago, when I was writing my first novel and the desk was facing out towards that tree, I caught a glimpse of these teenage girls (probably about 12 or 13). I was amazed as they stopped and took notice of the tree and its blossoms. They adored the tree with ooohs and ahhhs. The young women didn't know I was watching; so of course they didn't know all the blossoming possibilities that I saw in them--the fact that they noticed such simple beauty gave me hope. And I wrote the rest of my novel with that brilliant moment in mind.

Last spring we were blessed to have a bird's nest in the backyard. Dad and I marveled at watching the mother come to the nest with worms for her babies. And I was so moved as I watched the baby birdies open wide for her to provide them with nourishment--I was pregnant at the time, watching this new mom made my day.

This year we have a nest in the front in that beautiful tree that those young teenagers loved. Everyday I watch as Mrs. Birdie sits faithfully on her eggs, instinctively knowing that she must nurture and protect them. Sometimes I take Isom in my arms, walk up to the nest, and address Mrs. Birdie: "Look, Mrs. Birdie!" I say as I point to Isom. "I have one just like you." And I swear it seems as if she knows what I'm saying. She looks me dead in the eyes and seems calm and assured that I'm not there to do her or her eggs any harm--just two mothers sharing a moment. I can't wait for her babies to hatch. I'm looking forward to watching her feed and tend to them.

Anywho, I've been missing you guys. Having the computer in the basement has it's problems, there are way too many things for Isom to get into; so I can't take my eyes off of him long enough to type. My old writing space was babyproofed and Isom could go about without my watching him so closely. Anywho, I do find time to write at night, but I try to reserve that for editing my novel and doing other creative things. But today I was just itching to communicate with you all and so I put Isom down for a nap, which I knew wouldn't last long. He's crying now and I need to go and get him.

I love you guys. And I have received so many powerful emails and phonecalls from many of you. You guys are my inspiration. AP, there aren't enough words or tears to express my gratitude to and for you. Erica, you are an amazing woman, and I think of you often as I navigate muddy waters, trying to make it to an unknown destination. Your progress reminds me that I will arrive. Soon.

Looking for something to put in his mouth!

Everything goes into the mouth!

Fallen Blossoms

Ahh, Mrs. Birdie!

My Gratitude & The Walker

I just want to say Thank You to three of my earthbound angels: Crystal, LuCiana & Kirk. You guys were my aid and my strength. You made this week's faith-journey bearable. It was a profound experience that stills lingers with me today. With the many forms of negativity that come at us and through us, it is even more faith-affirming to know that I've been given wonderful earth guides to help me navigate my journey. I am blessed and I am filled to an extent that surpasses words.

Last tidbit: Isom is in his walker. He was upset that I was typing and cried for me to take him out. He is now limp and asleep, hanging off of the side of the walker. Every couple of seconds his head bobs, he looks around to let out a short cry, and then falls to sleep again. Umph, umph, umph. Let me go place him in his crib for his morning nap.

FAITH

For those who don't fully understand me, let me be clear:

I try to live my life by FAITH.

I understand all of life's physical and visual demands. I understand what the stock market, government, television, gas prices, history, etc. try to tell me. I understand that my way of living is contrary to the bondage of society.

I only try to live my life by FAITH.

I know many think that I should get a job or yadda, yadda, yadda...

I only try to live my life by FAITH.

My only concern is what my God and my heart tell me to do, and each day I listen for those instructions, even if they appear to seem strange (many times spirit has whispered to me to quit a job); amazing things grow from God's strange requests on us.

I don't think that money or financial power determine the outcome of our lives or how we should live. In my belief, only GOD determines that.

My family is far from rich, but through God we've accomplished lots of things that it APPEARS only rich folks should accomplish. And what does that tell me--it ain't about money or power. It's about God and our faith that he moves mountains (and our belief in the amazing things that Jesus said we are capable of).

I only try to live my life by FAITH.

I believe my life is meant to be a testament to others who are looking for ANOTHER way to live. I try to speak to those who are ready to live that way.

I know lots of you don't believe in faith to the extent that I do (example: I believe that FAITH can pay bills and put food on the table). And it's okay, we're all meant to live different experiences. My blog is about FAITH and the endless possibilities it brings. I welcome those who are ready and willing to try to live by this blind FAITH.

If I didn't live by FAITH, I would not be the person you guys know today. I would not have accomplished all that I have. My life is a testament that money only matters if you don't have FAITH. When my FAITH is in tack, I accomplish more with $0 than I do with thousands (trust me, this has really happened for me.).

So please, understand that I'm not trying to be "normal." I'm trying to live by FAITH, and in today's times, that is far from the norm.

One last tidbit:

It's funny to me how lots of folks claim to be of religions that are FAITH-based but are afraid to live by faith, and allow money (or the lack of it) dictate who or what they can be.

A Special Email

Today I received the following email from a dear friend of mine. I love when I am blessed with the opportunity to see someone in the middle of a grand transformation; it's awe-inspiring. It's motivates me to want to be my best self. I hope you take as much delight in it as I did.

"Thanks to you (as always!) I really reflected on life and how I want to live it from here on out...I want to be a better person...I'm a good person, but I know I can be better. I'm going to start praying for people that make me angry...people that are ignorant... (I will have to call you to vent, though, of course...LOL) but I'm no longer going to harbor ill feelings till my adrenaline stops pumping...I'm going to let it go. That email that I passed onto you was a lot of it too. I'm holding myself and others, back from enjoying life to the fullest. It's just not right. Going to be a difficult change, but I know that I've now surrounded myself with people that TRULY care...not fly-by-night friends...and they can help me through the transformation. Won't you join me???LOL That last part was a "Mr. Rogers" type thing...I added it for shock value...hope you liked...LMAO

I love you guys so much...I'm so glad to always have you within reach of a phone call, even if it is talking to your VM...lol I know you care and that's what matters, and I hope you know the same."

Hi Anonymous!

Today I am responding to an anonymous poster who left me a comment yesterday. And I just want to say that all of you are in my thoughts.

Dear Anonymous,

I am a single, full-time mom of an 11 month old. This may sound vague, but, for a living, I live. I step out on faith each day and try to cease the small and big opportunities that come my way, and they are always present. Some time ago my therapist pointed out that my old anxieties about providing for myself and my son weren't real because we have more than we need: we already have LOTS of fresh, homecooked meals, a WONDERFUL roof over our heads, and IMMACULATE clothes on our backs (and lots of activities, road trips, toys, family & friends). And ya' know what, all of this transpired by faith. Simple. I promised myself and my son that I'd take his first year off to nurture our relationship (Being a single mom, it really means a lot that I do this. I want us to have an unbreakable bond). After his first birthday, I will follow whatever direction spirit leads me--I have always lived my life this way. And I'm too ignorant to try any other stressful ways of living--my amazing dad nurtured this in me. Throughout my life my dad has always said, "A job only ties you down." Hmph! Sometimes I don't give my dad's genius enough credit.

As far as balancing and juggling, I try to remember that we can't and WON'T accomplish everything in this lifetime. It's best to pick and choose the things that matter most to us. Be careful of how you spend your time. You don't have to bake cookies for every event, you don't have to have perfect hair and nails, you don't have to have your kids in 5 million different activities... Just do the things that best serve you and your family. And don't let anyone make you feel bad just because you decide to opt out of a doing some things. My friends and family know me well; at any given moment I will up and change my mind about a decision I've made. If I feel as if my schedule is too packed, I cancel on some stuff. And in the first place, I don't really like busy schedules, so it's rare that I overbook. I try to take life at a slow and steady pace so that I can enjoy it all. But that's me. And that way of living might bore the next person.

My last tidbit: Examine the word obligation and what it means to you. I'm a spiritual being, and I feel that if there are any obligations they are only to my God and my soul. I allow them to lead the way.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and writing me.

Miss Nikki Ann

I Just Have To Say This:

People, you must spend time with your kids!
Why?
What do you mean, why?
It's the only way to make this world a better place.
Just turn on the news and see these psychotic children and adults doing inhumane things,
and ask yourself:
How much time, effort, and energy did their parents/anybody who's willing to care put into them?
Side note:
Yes, there are some folks who seem to have had perfectly good upbringings and still turn out to be psycho. I'm still meditating on that one. And I think I've found some answers to that one too, but that's another story.
And for those of you spending time with your children...
Job well done!
For those wanting to spend more time...
Do it!
For those who don't give a damn...
Then you, too, probably suffer from psychosis. Go seek help.
SERIOUSLY!
A thought:
Work to make enough to provide, but don't work to where your children are neglected or taken care of by someone else.
Problem:
We Americans are always so busy striving for the NEXT level of income that we don't realize that we don't need MORE! Generally speaking, most of us have probably been blessed with more than our parents could have ever dreamed of. Stop believing the lie that you need more. More is fine if your children are taken care of spiritually, mentally, and physically.
One way to find more time for your kids:
Decide to quit that part-time job that you work just to be able to buy more stuff, and use that time with your kids.
Again:
There's NOTHING wrong with material goods. The problem is when you aspire to them and it interferes with spending quality time with your kids.
People, you must spend time with your kids!
Households with double incomes:
More than likely, you ain't got no reason not to spend time with them babies!
Households with one parent and one small income:
That's another story, and we ain't even got enough time, but, try to find really nurturing folks to help in the caring of your children. And despite how much your parents get on your nerves, that may mean living with them (it's a blessing to have parents who are open to that!).
Fact:
There is a trend in adult MARRIED children moving back home to their parents' so that the financial burden isn't there and so that there's a bigger family unit to help nurture the children.
Fact (for my black folks):
These ain't just po' black married couples doing this, white folks is doing it too.
What that tells me:
I believe that some of us are now realizing that family is more important than any material good. That if our world is in chaos, all the money in the world won't make us happy. That the way to ending this chaos is to find more creative ways to raise and nurture our children.
Fact:
Some cultures are taken aback by the American family unit and how it consists of only two parents and the children. They wonder how we financially and spiritually make it with so many demands being placed on two people without family and community support.
Now:
It's late, I'm tired, and I need to rest so that I can have the needed energy to nurture my child come tomorrow morning.
Fact:
Yes, I could be working a full-time job and sending Isom to daycare.
Fact:
Daycare would cost me so much that it almost wouldn't be worth it to work.
Other Fact:
Don't think I'm a fool, a sista will generate cash, she's just faithful that she will find something that fits into she and Isom's life.
Fact:
I'm faithful that all of this time and energy will help to shape a better Isom, Nikki and World.
I AM FAITHFUL
Added tidbit:
All of these words on this page are things that I, too, try to adhere to. I take many doses of my own medicine everyday.

Happy Easter!

And so today is Resurrection Sunday. Today Isom and I honored Jesus by rising at 5:30 a.m. No, we didn't go to the 6 a.m. Sunrise Service. Instead we went to Elizabeth Park at 6:30 a.m. and took in God's wonderful sites. The park has two sides; Isom rode through the first side in his new push buggy (part of his Easter gift) as I marveled at the ducks and informed him: "See, Isom, now that's God!" After I'd stepped into some doggie poop, we placed the buggy back into the car and drove to the other side of the park. There we marveled at the Hartford skyline. I then placed him on my shoulders and did two laps around the track as he lay his head on the top of mine and took a nap. Later we attended 11 a.m. service, Reverend Dion preached a wonderful sermon. After church we visited some folks and then headed home to be with family. Isom paid no attention to the beautiful, if I might say so myself, Easter basket I'd made for him. And when he went to find his money-filled, plastic Easter bunny egg for his mini-egg hunt, he was more excited about his grandfather's chive plant that the egg was hidden in. I am happy to say that the money will go to pay for his summer swimming class. I hope you all had a wonderful Easter/Holy Week/Passover...

To view pictures of Isom's first Easter click here: http://photos.yahoo.com/nikkifulse and then choose the Isom's First Easter album.

Isom's Drinking Habit

My people, my people, my people! This baby is off da hook! Do you hear me? He won't sit still, he won't play by himself, he's climbing 12 flights of stairs, and now, I'm wondering if he's got a drinking habit. I'm begging y'all to call Social Services on me, it's a perfect way for me to get rid of Mr. Bizzy.

Hmmm, I'd been looking for my stash. Where you been all my life, baby?


No, it cain't be empty. And now I'm caught.


Oh, here are my cans. Ms. I'm-Always-Tired ain't even noticing. Perfect timing. And why is she always tired? I sleep through the night now. Pathetic.


Come on can! I ain't got all day. Gym class is in two hours.


Man, I'm caught. Wow! look at that angry woman. Black womens knows they can yell! I think I'll be single forever. Marriage!? Hmph! What is Uncle Peanut thinking!


Oh, now she wants to be friendly, just when I was about to call DSS.


Man, I loves dis tired old hag. Gimme my sugah, girl.


Well, this old hag has got to go. You can go to my photo album to view more pictures from this collection. Just click on the Isom's Drinkig Habit album, and choose the speed at which you'd like to view the album. These pictures are hot off the press and were taken just minutes ago after I REALLY did catch him messing with Peanut's beer.



http://photos.yahoo.com/nikkifulse

In That Order

Got up.

It was later than usual, so I didn't pump bresatmilk as I usually do (stocking up for wedding events)

Got Isom.

Breastfed Isom.

Got dressed.

Tried to eat breakfast as Isom, in his highchair, fussed at me.

As I ate, tried to get Isom to eat his oatmeal.

Got tired of being fussed at and took him out of his chair.

Breastfed Isom as I tried to eat, which I never do because breastfeeding kills my appetite.

Lost appetite and threw food out.

Got Isom dressed and combed his hair, which he hates.

Gathered Isom's things for our day out with mom.

Got into the car with mom and Isom.

Went by the Dixon's.

Went to grocery store with Isom and Mom and tried to be enthusiastic as folks coddled and cooed at Isom (I love that he gets attention from his favorite folks at our favorite stores--people who knew him while he was in my belly-- it's just that it turns a quick trip to the store into a long one).

Went back home to drop off groceries.

Drove around the corner to see what Mr. & Mrs. Allison had for sale at their garage sale.

Was hoping to find a TV stand for Isom's new television.

Saw my cousin, Gia, her husband, Wallace, my Aunt Theldra, and my cousin, Tony.

We took a walkthrough of the Allison's house, which is across the street from Aunt Theldra's house, as Aunt Theldra watched over Isom who was asleep in the car.

Left the Allison's and chatted with my family in front of Aunt Theldra's house. Aunt Theldra voiced her anger over the fact that she wasn't invited out last night when we all took Peanut out for drinks. Now she's threatened that she'll be doing something even grander for him and she won't be including us (me, Gia, Tony, nor Wallace).

Isom woke up, so I changed him before we drove off.

Went to East West Bridal to look for a dress for mom.

Breastfed Isom.

Went to another dress shop.

Went by the Dixon's again.

Tried to contain my anxiety as Isom fussed and yelled at me for having him in the car for too long.

Went to Burger King.

Gave Isom some bread and the pickle off of my sandwich.

Sat in the car and ate as mom went back to the Allison's to look for a TV stand.

Came home and breastfed Isom.

Changed Isom.

Noticed that he still had pickled lodged in his cheeks--but I did nothing about it.

Went to retrieve a container that I'd left in the car.

It started raining on me.

While outside, decided to shake the crumbs out of Isom's car seat.

Came inside.

Farted around for a few minutes.

Changed Isom's poop.

Breatfed Isom, AGAIN, as we watched Lil' Kim: Countdown to Lockdown on TIVO.

Noticed that Isom still had pickle lodged in his cheek.

Chatted with Isom and showered him with kisses as he ate my face.

Tried to play with Isom some more as he tried to ignore me (you know that blank stare that babies do when they're uninterested).

Walked Isom down the hall and snuggled in his neck as he patted me on the head (as if to say, It's okay, girl.).

Walked Isom into the bathroom to watch Annie (what Isom calls my mother) clean with her new cleaning toy (mom is obsessed with cleaning, she's now cleaning the basement as I'm typing).

Enjoyed the fresh scent of Tilex, bleach and Fantastic--nostalgia.

Walked Isom into his room and placed him in his crib.

Patted him on the back and told him to take a nap.

Walked downstairs and turned on the computer.

Went to AP's blog and read her brilliant, new installment.

Decided to type up a post.

Typing now.

Wondering what to do next...

I think I'll go and take a shower.

Wondering if Isom still has the pickle lodged in his cheek.

Off to gather my things for the shower.

My day started at 6:45 am, which was a late start for me, and it is now 3:30 pm. Phew! Still a few hours until Isom's bedtime at 7:00 pm, and then I can work on my novel, or put my black behind ta' sleep! I think the latter.

What Spring Looks Like In Connecticut

It's 32 degrees outside. It's Spring, it's snowing, and it's wet. A beautiful, bone-chilling mess. Can't wait to drive Isom to gym class in this nasty weather. Last week it was in the 60s and Isom and I were frolicking in the grass under the hot sun--I wore a tank top. And then today... Welcome to New England.

Pregnancy Breakfast Anniversary

It was a year ago in March that my cousin, Tony, made me my first French toast breakfast. Here are the pictures from our one year anniversary. But this time I was able to have mimosa and Isom was out of my belly (Oh, and I didn't have to deal with being ill!).

The Time Has Come

I am going to try to post as often as I can, but I am now fervently and feverishly editing my novel (it's after midnight, and I'm still typing away). With the responsibilities of motherhood and all the other activities that comsume my time, I must use all of my extra minutes to work towards my goal of finishing this editing process. I believe that I would be at a loss if I posted here everyday at the cost of not working on my novel--as I am in faith that this writing endeavor shall soon pay my bills. Hey Crystal! "Let that be the reason that I get this thing done." And plus, when I do, I owe you a trip to Rio! Girl, I can't wait. We ain't got nothin' but faith and patience in God's great plan for me.

I love y'all and I'll send my regular emails when I've added a new post. This would be a great time to subscribe to the blog so that when I do make a post and I don't have time to send the email update, you'll automatically get the post to your email box.

Ang, your kind ear played a big role in my decision to slow down and focus on what I need to do (along with my girls at the book club meeting asking when they can read my book--imagine that!). You and I shared one of the most intimate journeys together (Ang and I met online. We were both pregnant, single, and due two weeks apart.). If it weren't for you picking your phone up at 8 o'clock this morning, my anxiety attack might have consumed and defeated me. You were my angel. And for that, you deserve your own rubber duckies, damnit! LOL!

Tasha, thanks for the chat! The things you told me about the seminar were motiviating.

Kessa, you know you crazy, right?

LuCiana, I'm looking forward to our day at the spa.

Tunisia, book club was great. You were an amazing hostess.

Melissa, it was good seeing you at Ria's.

Deb, I miss you guys!

Preston, um, how long is it gonna take you to have your nephew's horse painting framed? You bum! I'm starring at it right now, propped up against some door in the basement. Sad, sad, sad.

Thembi, um, how do you deal with that bum?

Gia, hey Cuz!

Keyla, keep baking that baby!

Paul, do you even read this? MEN!!!!!

Kirk, do you even read this? MEN!!!!!

Subrina, can't wait to see ya'!

Erica, Luz-Maria-Nana-Nina, love ya!

AP, all fears aside, let's do this...


Dear God,

My faith is the only working vehicle that I own. May this novel be the gateway to many great things for me.

Amen!

April Fool's Day

There are several explanations for the origin of April Fools' Day, but here is the most plausible one. April 1st was once New Year's Day in France. In 1582, Pope Gregory declared the adoption of his Gregorian calendar to replace the Julian calendar and New Year's Day was officially changed to January 1st. It took awhile for everyone in France to hear the news of this major change and others obstinately refused to accept the new calendar, so a lot of people continued to celebrate New Year's Day on the first of April – earning them the name April fools. The April fools were subjected to ridicule and practical jokes and the tradition was born. The butts of these pranks were first called poisson d'avril or April fish because a young naive fish is easily caught. A common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke. This evolved over time and a custom of prank-playing continues on the first day of April.

--Taken from Dictionary.com.