Tuesday, July 10, 2007

A Nikki Moment

I walked right into an anxiety attack yesterday. BOOM! Right into that circle that leads to nowhere. And I mean it leads to nowhere AT ALL. My innocent world caved right in on me. It happened so fast that it took a minute to register. And when the fall is that fast, it's hard to connect to sanity. It's difficult to walk myself out of the anxiety and into FREEDOM (Focus:Recognize Triggers:Evaluate Thoughts:Evaluate Emotions:Define Your Goal:Organize Your Options:Make A Contribution). I'm telling you, when I can come out of the fog, just for a second, and see my exit to FREEDOM, those steps are miraculous. But the ego is a strong mofo, I tell ya'. Strong. Sometimes when I can't connect to the server and all of my files are down, I just go to bed--a tool that my mother taught/forced on me when I was younger (cause I've been stressing her since I was little), and it still works today. Because time (like a long night's rest) can and does heal wounds, if you're open to it; cause sometimes you can go to bed angry and wake up with that same anger if you decide not to release it--tis true. It's all about choice. We choose how we react to the conditions that fly at us at an all time high. Things today move so fast. People move so fast. And me? I do best when I don't. I don't have to be like all the movers and shakers, and I don't want to be. Chaos doesn't suit my soul's agenda. And if it goes against what's natural for my soul...it's gotta go. Peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. Now that's FREEDOM.

Until we meet again...

Miss Nikki-At Peace-Ann-By Way Of Insanity To Sanity