Tuesday, March 28, 2006



When I walked upstairs and saw that teething Bizzy Bee was asleep, I jumped for joy. This is the most peaceful 2 minutes I've had in days. Woo-hoo! This situation with the baby is precarious; so I must make haste. Who knows when the Bee will stir from his light slumber to find that his gums are still aching.

I've been so busy with the Bee that I missed a bill payment (first time in my life!). So I'm sitting here organizing my life a little. Do indulge yourself with a view of my New Artist Space, which has temporarily become my finance center.
Now I have it all squared away, and I paid that $18 bucks that was a few days overdue. I'm so paranoid about my bill paying that I have an elaborate system setup so that I don't forget to pay anyone. For some reason that system failed--but having sustained me for maybe 10 years or more with only one failure ain't such a bad record. I phoned the creditor about my late payment to inquire if I'd incurred a late fee. The customer service representative seemed taken aback. She said, "Yes, it was due on the 24th, but I don't see anything here stating that there's a fee." I guess when folks tend to pay bills weeks to months late, four days seems like a insignificant quiver in her collection day.

Anywho, my question to y'all is, why ain't nobody tell me my payment was due? I post the link to my calendar that has all my bill due dates. Y'all should be on my back about my bills! Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't fully updated my calendar; it's missing the bill due dates. My bad.

That's it for now. Bizzy is stirring, again. What is youz guys up to?

Monday, March 27, 2006

A Lift

Crystal, thanks for holding a sister down yesterday. Whether you knew it or not, I really was in need of that ride to Springfield; that laugh at the little boy going into the liquor store by himself; that nip of mango rum; that chocolate dipped ice cream; and that childish chatter Willie Webb Jr. entertained us with--except for how he kindly kicked me out the car so that he could listen to his Ray Charles CD. It made for a refreshing evening, which led to a restful night.

There Is A Season: Turn, Turn, Turn

Busy, busy, busy. I'm busy, mom's busy, Peanut's (Preston) busy, Bizzy's busy, and even my dad seems to be trying to get busy. Things to do. Lots of things to do. And you know what? I hate change. I haven't been posting because I've been relocated. My Artist Space is now located in the basement where my brother and my huge doll collection reside; all of my books are shelved down here, so that's an added plus--up until moving down here I didn't realize how many I own. Anywho, mom and I have been preparing for Peanut's post-wedding departure. We thought moving the desk to the basement would be a great idea. We mapped out every detail (where all the cords and cable attachments need to go; how to break down the desk; which parts of the desk could be done away with...). But we didn't foresee the problem we'd have with the internet cable cord, which meant I was offline for days, which caused the lapse in my posting, which caused me to throw a tantrum like a baby, to which my mother responded: Stop whining like a baby. Nikki, I've had enough. I'm not discussing it with you any longer. Shame, shame, shame. But Peanut and mom pitied me, and made a way out of no way. I'm back! I'm just having some trouble adjusting to the change in location; it takes a little more effort to come downstairs, but I'm working on it.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Rolling In The Grass

I spent some time outside with Sir today. The sun was blazing, and it made our 48 degree weather feel like 55/60, which is warm to us Northerners. At first I thought we'd take a little stroll around the backyard, but he had other ideas. There's something about grass that makes him uncontrollable; as soon as he sees the stuff, he's pushing to get out of my arms--and he's a very strong baby (even his doctor says so). So today I didn't try to fight him. I touched the ground to make sure it was dry, and then I released Mr. Bizzy Bee.

First, he inspected the semi-dead, wintry grass. After what seemed to be his version of analyzing-a-thing, he took a small handful and tasted some. I'm usually upset by his taste tests, but this time I was too busy looking down to see if any mystery stuff was in the grass; by this time, I, too, was on my hands and knees.

I watched Bizzy for a minute, realizing that my recent theory about not using the word no was true. Bizzy quenched his desire to taste the grass, but then further inspected it without needing to nibble on it. I believe that had I challenged him by yelling no, it would have prompted him to stuff a lot more in his mouth. I'm trying to reserve the word no for emergencies: No! A car is coming. I've noticed that Isom laughs at no, but when I say specifically what I need from him (Please do not touch that hot fire.), he tends listen. Mom caught on to this no theory early, and she's practicing telling him exactly what she needs him to do. And today my dad finally got the message. After yelling no over and over without getting a response from Bizzy, he firmly stated, "Isom, get down or you'll hurt yourself." And it only took Bizzy a nanosecond to do as he was told. Dad then turned to me and said, "I didn't believe it, but now I see what you're saying."

Anywho. Bizzy and I crawled around on all fours exploring the backyard for an hour. He tasted dirt, sticks, and God only knows what else. He crawled from one end of the earth to the other. I was even pressured into allowing him to drag me across hard pavement on my 30-year-old knees. At one point, we stopped and took in the fresh air and the serene quietude; the sun warmed our backs and we luxuriated in our freedom. I didn't need any FREEDOM steps, any words, any fussing, any self-help books, any food, any water, any cookies... I only needed the moment, my sweet friend, Bizzy, and our simple freedom.

By the time we went inside, we had dirt and grass all over us, and I spent more time than I wanted trying to pull all of the grass out of his coiled 'fro. We looked like two little Pig Pens. And it felt good.

Just for a moment, be a child.

If not, how else can you relate to one?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Spare Time

I have about two minutes to spare before Isom realizes that I've left the kitchen. That little boy is not into food, but he loves smoothies--I made him and my mom fresh strawberry, banana and mango smoothies. He had one and half sippy cups full, but I can only get him to eat about a tablespoon full of real food.

Anywho, my time is up. Just wanted to do a little post to let you guys know what I'm up to.

What are you all doing?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I'm Just Gettin' Warmed Up

I'm doing some web surfing and blog reading. I visited AP's blog and read her latest installment: We Live Not In Vain. Can I say amazing? Reading her piece led me to think about the Harlem Renaissance and all of the talent that came from that era of black genius--AP's got a gift!. After spending 20 minutes doing searches on the Harlem Renaissance, I wondered if there would every be another wave of expression along those lines. And if it is to be during my lifetime, I know AP will be among those to be remembered.

AP also has an audio reading of We Live Not in Vain.

This is a link to photos from and depictions of the Harlem Renaissance (from my Google search).

Vent Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

I called LuCiana and ranted and raved about some trivial happening, then I went and wrote Ang an email about that same trivial happening. All the while, I knew it was trivial and I knew that all I needed to do was walk through the FREEDOM steps. After walking through the steps, I was able to move beyond the silly issue, which wasn't even a REAL issue--it was pathetic really.

A few times since finishing my therapy, I've allowed myself to call someone and vent. I do this just to remember what a "phone vent" feels like; so, today, I vented purposefully to see the results. I've found that venting can cause me more frustration than the initial problem that caused me to vent. It allows me to fester until my vision is blurred by whatever pissed me off last week! It allows a trivial circumstance to become a large drama. It can be a slow death (stress does accumulate and kill) and detour me from my goals.


Times when a small vent allows me to let out the physical frustration so that I can move on.

My point? I try to choose my vents like I choose my other battles because some are meant to be won--and others lost.

What person willingly walks into a battle she knows she's going to lose. **Nikki raises her hand and clears her throat** Okay, so what, I do it sometimes. But I try to keep my foolish actions down to a minimum. Like saying I was gonna give up sweets for a week. It ain't gonna happen. I don't believe in deprivation! I want all the cookies! All of 'em! I'm just playing. Sweets are my friend, not my enemy--but there is a thin line. And if I eat too many, that "thin line" sho' won't be my waistline.

Okay y'all, I'm rambling. I just felt like chatting with you all a little (Isom's napping and I had a few minutes to spare).


Monday, March 20, 2006

Shoo Shoos

It's the end of another special day, which had its ups and downs. The baby's got this annoying machine on his crib that continuously plays these froggie noises. I'd like to go and hammer the thing to death, but that wouldn't be in line with my practice of the FREEDOM steps. Aside from chasing Buddy around today, lots of other good things happened too:

--White man goes into a bank and tells cashier that 3 black crackheads forced him to go in and ask for money. Come to find out, he's a crackhead, AND he works for the school system. One of his coworkers remarked, "I can't and WON'T believe any of this until I speak to Mark myself." Come on lady, he's a crackhead. He wouldn't know the truth if he'd stuffed it down his own throat; hell, he'd stuff anything down his throat for a chance to wrap his lips around a crack pipe.

--Black Cadet rapes 6 women. One woman finally came forward and then I guess the rest followed suit. Come on black man! Yo, what is up wit'chu, dude!? And I mean, youz a nice lookin' fella. It don't look like you gotta take it from women, I'm pretty sho' they'z throwin' it at 'chu! (That was a little raunchy, but hey, it was the truth.)

--Two men are attempting to run against a female Governor for the upcoming term. *sigh* It takes two men to take on one woman. Come on guys! Governor Rell, do the damn thing, girl! And I don't care if you're a Republican, I'm still lovin' it!

I've got to go. Shoo Shoos is having an amazing going-out-of-business sale, and I need to catch the sale before the shoes I want are sold out. For those of you who have kids and are in love with the famous Robeez shoes (Isom is wearing them in his pictures--they're the only shoes I buy him), then you'll love Shoo Shoos. Like Robeez they are soft-soled footwear that won't slide off of your baby's feet (and any mom knows how frustrating that is). Robeez and Shoo Shoos can be very pricey if you factor in how short of a time babies can wear one size. Right now Shoo Shoos are selling for 40 - 70% off. The prices are mindboggling, really. I'm about to buy Isom at least 4 pairs. Four pairs of Robeez (and Shoo Shoos at their original prices) can run you close to $130, but I'm about to pay $55 for four pairs of Shoo Shoos.

Boy do I sound like a walking advertisement. Anywho, I've got to run.

Ang, that email you sent was too funny. Sometimes we just have to get our vent on.

Mr. Bizzy Bee

Bizzy Bee

Let's just say that the baby has turned from being busy to being way too busy. It's hard finding the time to post. If I set him on the floor with some toys, he ditches them and opts to try to stick his finger into some electrical sockets. And yes, I have socket protectors and he knows how to take them off; they've become one of his favorite things to chew on. I've ordered some of those protective plates, which I'm hoping will solve the socket problem.

Last week, when I was at Isom's gym class, the instructor asked all the parents about their babies' new developments. I was frazzled, as I'd arrived to class late, and I responded, truthfully, "Nothing I can think of. Um, he licked the toilet seat." The crowd broke out in laughter, and I spent the entire class discussing Isom's toilet licking situation.

I usually keep the bathroom door closed, but this one day I'd forgotten; I was probably on the computer trying to post something to you guys. I turned to see why things were so quiet, and I noticed that Isom was gone. "Oh, crap!" I thought to myself, "The bathroom door's open." I ran into the bathroom and found him gnawing on the toilet seat. After I scooped him up, I looked at the seat, and I saw a huge puddle of drool. Yuck! And little dude was way too proud of himself. He'd finally gotten what'd he been itching for--a rendezvous with the porcelain bowl.

Caught Trying to Sneak into Bathroom

Here's my take on babies: Newborns (0-3 months) are boring because all they do is sleep, but at least you can get stuff done. Three- to six -month-olds are fun (they respond and coo), but they can't move on their own; and so, you have to do everything for them, which makes it hard to get stuff done. Six- to twelve-month-olds are a ball of enthusiasm for life, and they can do for themselves--but try keeping up with them, it'll either age you or put you in the best physical shape of your life.

I must go. Isom is napping in my lap, and I'm going to try to move him to his pack-n-play, which will probably be a bad move because he'll probably wakeup and refuse to go back to sleep. But I'm gonna try my luck.

What is youz guys up to?

Friday, March 17, 2006

Thembi & Preston: 92 Days to Go

Many of you will be attending the Fulse/Kimbrough wedding. Because of that, I thought I'd post Thembi and Preston's wedding website, blog, and photo album addresses.

The wedding website: http://kimbroughandfulse.weddings.com.
The photo album address: http://photos.yahoo.com/thembipreston.
The blog address: http://360.yahoo.com/thembipreston.
Their email address: ThembiPreston@yahoo.com.

Their wedding website has all the pertinent wedding information (hotels, air accommodations, times, locations, maps, wedding party participants list, photo album, guestbook...). Please take a minute and sign their guestbook. Couples need all the well-wishes they can get.

Their blog will keep you up to date on their everyday happenings leading up to AND through the honeymoon (ooo-la-la!). They also have pictures and polls on the blog, and just like this blog, you can leave comments.

I have given the couple's engagement my own theme: What Love Looks Like. I think it fits.

Thembi & Preston: What Love Looks Like

When loved knocked, we answered the door.
When times got rough, we stood still in God's love.
When things were great, we knew our love had stood the test of time.
When we exchange our vows, all shall see "What Love Looks Like," and we, too, shall know God through our own love for each other.

--Written by Nikki Ann for Thembi & Preston

Thursday, March 16, 2006

"A Glimpse Into Tunisia's Life Through Pictures and Blurbs"

Tunisia & Victoria

Tunisia says: The first picture is me sitting on Tori's (Tunisia's daughter) lap, which is pretty symbolic of our life: I am constantly trying to keep her under control.

Nikki says: Victoria is a very talented (she can dance, draw, write, but that girl sho' cain't sang! no-no!) and "high-spirited" young lady. As her Auntie Crystal says, "Nikki, Victoria thinks she's your age." And she really does, twice this week I've received voicemails from her, trying to update me on the local "happenings."

Tunisia & Little Will

Tunisia says: And Willie's (Tunisia's son) picture says it all: He smothers me with his "neediness/love"

Nikki says: Little Will is a sweetheart and does a great job ushering at church. He wants some of those old school white gloves we used to wear while ushering (Man, I wish I hadn't thrown mine out!).

There was a third picture that Tunisia wanted to post but she couldn't find it. It was a family picture that would have included her eldest daughter, Marquita.

Tunisia says:
The last picture would have been our XMAS picture. Although we were all together, if you look at the picture Marquita is facing outward - which I guess symbolizes her attempt to breakfree of her home life.

Nikki says: Marquita will soon be ending her first year as a college student. She is going through a wonderful metamorphosis--becoming a woman ain't easy. And though Tunisia couldn't find her picture, I have a picture of Marquita from November 2005 when she was babysitting Isom. Marquita is great with children, it's her gift.

Marquita & Isom

Tunisia, thanks for sharing a piece of your world.
And for the rest of you, feel free to submit your pictures and blurbs at anytime.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Mourning Mr. P

Isom's taking a nap on my lap and I'm sitting here mourning. Today I've gotten quite a few emails regarding my brother and Thembi's wedding and Thembi's shower (both which will be memorable events). The more I read, the more my heart sank. Let's be honest, I'm mourning the loss of my brother.

I know he ain't dead, but soon he'll be moving out of the house to begin his journey with Thembi (whom we in Connecticut call Tee Tee, and heck, we've never asked if she likes the name or not!).

I've know Tee Tee since I was in the 7th grade or so--she's gorgeous, smart and totally amazing. So Preston's made a great match, it's just that for so long, aside from my mom, I'd been his main lady. And it's not about all the lavish trips and gifts he's showered on me (and y'all, that amounts to more money than I care to count...Cancun, Bahamas, Costa Rica...!), but it's about how close we've been BEFORE I was born. For those who don't know, my brother is the one who named me. To recount a bit of the story, mom says that she'd questioned four-year-old Preston as to whether or not he was sure he wanted my name to be Nikki and not Nicole. He assured her that Nikki was the name he wanted, and I've been stuck with it for life. I say stuck because folks want so badly to call me Nicole, they just assume Nikki's a nickname. (FYI: In Greek, Nikki means victory of the people).

Like I was saying, my brother was an awesome older sibling. He wasn't the type that didn't want his bratty sister with him. That boy would bring me any and everywhere with him. When we were younger we used to sleep in the same bed on Christmas Eve and we'd discuss Santa and his reindeer, and in the later years we exchanged information on the gifts we'd found hidden around the house. When he reached driving age, and I was in Junior High School, he'd come to my school and take me out of my classes to go to the mall (he was only four years ahead of me, so all of my teachers knew him). Then when he'd come home on breaks from college at FAMU, he'd call up to my High School and tell the teachers that I needed an early dismissal. Man was he cool!

I loved my brother's gear, and I'd cry to my mom if he didn't let me borrow any of his Beneton or Izod stuff. Devilish P! Yup, that was his nickname. Devilish P. As a toddler they called him Peanut. My Peanut. My protector. The dude who made all of the wrong moves and mistakes so that I didn't have to trip over the same bumps in the road. I thank him for crashing the Volvo into a snow bank, for coming home pissy drunk in high school and asking me to spray the room with Lysol, for wasting a couple of years at FAMU partying and drinking his ass off. Thank you P! Thank you for making this friggin'' life of mine lush, lavish, luxurious, and interesting. I know you're in good hands with my sister, Thembi, but your presence in the house will be missed.

No more being paid $20 a week just to make your bed. No more dropping you off to work so that I can borrow your hot ride. No more spending summer days flossing in your ride like it was mine, rolling down Main Street chillin' in the Volvo with the sunroof open. No more sneaking money from your hidden stash and never paying you back!

But, let's look at the flip side. I'm gaining a brother who has the strength and COURAGE to become a man. When he'd told mom and I that he was gonna ask Tee Tee to marry him, I told him, "I'm proud of you, you've chosen one of the TWO hardest things to do--be married and have a baby." So hats off to him for taking a leap into his manhood. Hats off to him for being a black brother who's doing the damn thing. And like I've told him in a private conversation we had over the phone last year, "If you do ANYTHING to mess up and I find out, you'd better run and tell Thembi, 'cause as soon as I get wind of it, I'm gonna tell her! Once you've married Thembi, she becomes my sister, and I wouldn't let anyone hurt my sister. The same way that I protect you, is that same way that I'm gonna protect her. You've chosen marriage, so do the damn thing right, if not, that means ya' need to stay single."

Well, it's after 3 p.m. Preston'll probably be home in the next hour or so. He'll either come home and have our cousin Tony trailing right behind him (they'll be arguing about something) or he'll come in by himself, peep his head into this room where I'm working, and say something really rude and foul, which will wake Isom up and cause me to say something foul back to him. *sigh* Can't you just smell the love in the air?

Phew! This was a mouthful. I'm glad that I got it out and I feel better. But damn, I'mma miss robbin' him of his cashflow! LOL!

Shout out to my sister Thembi! It's almost time to kiss your toad and turn him into a Prince.

For AP

this is an audio post - click to play

This audio post is for our friend AP. I made this post and was about to delete it when I realized that hey, it may be imperfect, but it's perfect in its imperfection. At the end of the post I'd lost my train of thought, but it is what it is. I could have re-recorded it, but it would not have been as genuine or easyflowing. AP, the point is that no matter how "unispired" I felt while posting it, I still did it. And who knows, someone might find my imperfection to be a breathe of fresh air in their busy day.

And I just checked AP's blog and she's done an audio reading of one of her poems. Wow! AP, you are an amazing talent. Feel free to checkout AP's reading of her poem "69" at the following link: http://apmanque.blogspot.com/2006/03/69-spoken.html (this is the spoken version). This link is to the written version, which also give an explanation as to where the title "69" came from (and it's not what some of you are thinking) http://apmanque.blogspot.com/2006/03/69.html.

And of course, AP's blog is: http://apmanque.blogspot.com/.

Isom and I are off to gym class.


It's snowing outside, Connecticut weather is strange. Isom and I have lots to do today. We're off to mail that eBay item he was just playing with. What are you guys up to?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Where's Waldo?

Someone asked where I was and I just wanted to answer that I'm here. My problem? The people whom I get inspiration from haven't been posting to their blogs (AP, Dawn, Maria, Keyla...). For a day or so even MC Hammer hadn't written anything--bummer!. It put me in a little of a funk, so I took that "funky" energy and worked on my novel, and man it's coming along great. Um, AP, are you having writer's block? Keyla, what are you and Kiersten up to? (your last post was great!).

For those of you who are supporting Weight Loss Girl, she has updated her blog--go by and give her your support: http://amidestinedforever.blogspot.com/.

These are photos I took while typing this post to you guys. If you look closely, you can see the blog on the computer screen. I the second picture I am smelling his hair. I use Carol's Daughter hair products on Isom and the products have such delicious scents.

So I'm here and it's raining, but the sun is starting to breakthrough in some parts of the sky. It's in the 50's (great for CT), but the weatherman says that we'll be returning back to our seasonably cold weather. I'm actually excited about that. I have this theory that the longer winter lasts, the longer I have until Isom turns one in the Spring. As a mom, I just don't want my little guy to grow up.

Gotta go. We have gym class today, and I'm gonna try to call Deb (Zoey's mom) and chat with her before class (we missed playgroup and both of his gym classes last week, so I want Deb to fill me in on the details. In Mommyland, Deb is the cool mom who knows everything that's going on.).


Friday, March 10, 2006

Amazing Weather

Today we've had some amazing weather here in Connecticut. After shipping eBay items and getting my haircut, I spent the afternoon with Mom and Isom, marveling at the subtle warmth and breezes that swept through our opened windows and doors.

Isom and I spent lots of time outdoors, taking random walks to random places. Of course we went to the park to swing, and my-oh-my it was the most invigorating swing yet. He held onto the chains and shrieked each time we made our descent. But there wasn't a smile or laughter to his shriek; it had more to do with his ability to let go and let the ride happen. You see, even babies struggle with relinquishing control, especially since they have a built-in mechanism for survival. They spend a lot of the day crying, and this crying is a way to control their environment (their parents!) as to ensure that they are fed and taken care of. We adults do a lot of the same crying and whining throughout the day out of fear that our needs won't be met. So, to watch him relinquishing his need to control the moment made me release my control; I gave the ground a big uncontrolled kick, and the swing not only swung, but it twisted and turned.

Afterward I walked Isom to a nearby tree and watched as he touch and rubbed the bark. I pointed out the trees various parts: "Isom, this is the tree's bark, which makes up the trees trunk, which has outgrowing stems, limbs, and branches with leaves attached." Boy was he in awe of this humongous thing. We stood there for what had to be 5 minutes--a long time for an infant, he cried when we left it behind, and I made a silent promise to do more tree-bonding later.

Upon exiting the park, we ran into our "Neighbors" and we chatted with them for a long time. "Neighbors" took the time to examine Isom's new/first tooth over and over again, and we made small talk about our newer neighbors down the street. It seems that the newer neighbors have a daughter who's attached herself to "Neighbors" son. And this little girl has to be about 3 years older than he is (He's only in the first grade, but he's very wise for his age and was riding a two-wheeler bike at the age of two! I'm serious, I saw it for myself).

After rapping with "Neighbors," Isom and I took some more walks and chilled out. I did keep my promise and we bonded with another tree (I know the folks down the street were wondering what in the heck we were doing). Our departure from this particular tree caused him even more frustration than the first. The weather man says it'll be in the 60's for the next couple of days (so strange for Connecticut), so I'll be sure that Buddy has another rendezvous with his two favorite perennial woody plants (Um, that only means trees.).

Enjoy your Friday night and I'll chat with yous guys latas.

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Today I had a setback, but they say that a setback is a setup for a comeback. I let my anger get the best of me, and after my outburst, I walked myself through the FREEDOM steps, and I'm feeling much better. At my last appointment Kathy said that I'll still have challenges, and boy did I have one today. But there was a difference. If I didn't have access to the tools that Kathy had given me, I'd still be festering in my anger and rage. Not this time, I was equipped and ready. No it wasn't smooth sailing, but I did sail, and I can go on with my day without it affecting the rest of my week and causing me ill mental health and stress. My dear friend Tasha was witness to the situation, as I was on the phone with her when it happened.

Someone once said that the worse thing you can do is allow a setback to define your total being. Meaning, something bad happens and you live in that space until it hinders you from growing--you allow it to chain you to your past. This is life. Stuff will happen. But the sooner you can move beyond the past, the sooner you can embrace what's ahead. What happened years ago or seconds ago does not have to dictate where your life is headed. Choose a new direction. Choose a new action. Choose a new thought. Choose to be different. Choose to let go so that you can become your "highest" self.

I'm trying to choose, please feel free to join me.

Life Ain't Perfect, Why Didn't Anybody Tell Me!

Sir Isom is growing up, and he loves exploring his new world. And let me tell you, there's no such thing as baby-proofing your home; these babies can find a needle in a haystack. They love sharp and dangerous objects and are great scavenger hunters--if there's an item that you misplaced years ago, just let you baby roam free and he'll find it in the time it would have taken him to pull the outlet safety guard off and stick his finger in the socket. These babies are industrious!

So yesterday I took Isom outside a couple of times for some fresh air. The first time I brought him in he cried, but I was able to divert his attention. The second time wasn't that simple, and I had to give into his request to be placed in the grass (it wasn't too cold of a day in Connecticut, and the grass wasn't soaking wet, so don't call DCS on a sista'!). He enjoyed pulling on the grass and digging into the dirt, but I'd had enough when he started eating it and then moved on and managed to find some snow to put in his mouth (and after watching the wildlife in the backyard, I can attest to the fact that many birds, dogs and squirrels have pissed and crapped on that snow). Yuck! I scooped Buddy up (another nickname I have for Sir Isom) and tried to bring him back inside. He cried something fierce. He cried to the point where my skin felt as if it was popping off of my flesh. He cried until I had to walk myself through the FREEDOM steps. That boy cried, do y'all hear me, he cried.

Somehow I managed to soothe him to sleep at 3:30 and he slept for a couple of hours (which is really long for him). So I took a shower and then turned on the Wendy Williams show. She was interviewing Lil' Mo and I listened as I did some collaging to soothe my nerves. Buddy slept all the way up to his bathtime, which is 5:30. By then my mind was so relaxed. I decided that he could stay up a little later since he'd taken such a long nap (I usually put him to bed at 7:00). At 7:30 I took Buddy downstairs to chill with his Uncle Preston and Cousind Tony.

My brother and my cousin (who's basically another brother) have this jacked up relationship. They love to argue and cuss each other. On the flip side, when someone else tries to enter their argument they gang up on them; sometimes even abandoning their original stance just to be on the same page with each other. Wierdos. So Isom enjoyed turning his head from one mouth to the next as he witnessed their lunacy.

Me, I was upstairs writing to you guys when my computer shutdown on me, and I lost all of my work. It sucked. I was so pissed that I had to walk through the FREEDOM steps to calm down.

Today Tony is coming by to make me French Toast and Bacon. A year ago this week, my parents and my aunt and uncle (Tony's parents) went away on their yearly spring vacation. They were gone for two weeks, and as some of you know, I had a very ill pregnancy and was on bedrest the entire time. I couldn't do for myself, my parents being gone was a big deal, so they--and my aunt and uncle (Isom's godparents), left instructions for my brother, Tony and my cousin, Gia (Tony's sister) to take care of me (I couldn't drive or do basic things like cooking). One morning before leaving to go to his job, Tony made me French Toast and Bacon and brought it over. Today we're gonna celebrate that occasion and Tony's gonna come by and make me that same breakfast, the only difference will be that I won't be vomiting or elevating my legs AND I can actually have Champagne Mismosa! Hell yeah!

Anywho, Isom is now asleep in my lap. I've got to take advantage of this quiet moment before he's up and crawling around the house again. Isom's favorite "naughty" toys to play with are my Vaseline jar and TV remote control. I've given in and I no longer fight him over them. One day I caught him in the act and photographed it. Here are the pictures and I'll chat with yous guys latas.


So, Isom was, and still is, a little frantic, he's tired and won't give into his nap; so I decided to take him for a walk. I went all the way into the basement; brought the stroller upstairs; dressed him in his jacket, hat and mittens; put on my coat and walking shoes; grabbed the cellphone so that I could chat while strolling him; pulled out his blanket cause I thought it might be comfy for him... Then Isom and I stepped outside and BOOM! Ice cold raindrops began to fall from the sky! *sigh* All that work for nothing. I took some pictures of our grim revelation that we wouldn't be able to stroll around the block. AP, I hope this lifts your spirits!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


I'd written a long post and then my computer malfunctioned before I could save it. I'm tired and I'm just not going to type it up again.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

MC Hammer

Did y'all know that MC Hammer has a blog on here? It's http://mchammer.blogspot.com/. And y'all, he actually writes in it throughout the day and RESPONDS to comments that people leave. I was glued to his page! I couldn't believe it was him opening up in such an intimate way. What star (or ex-star in his case) do you know who has a regular blog like that? Wow. Ya' gotta see it. He has audio posts and pictures up too.

Last note: One of my family members was the first person to notice that ANYONE can enter something on my calendar. So feel free to post any appointments or important fun dates. My family member entered a birthday and a little comment! Feel free to place your birthday on my calendar. Here's my calendar link: http://my.calendars.net/missnikkiann. Don't be shy!

Roll Call

Please raise your hand and state that you're here! All ya' gotta do is leave me a comment. Today's post is about you guys. Leave any sort of comment; it can be about your work day, the moon, dogs, family, enemies, deodorant, funk, rum & coke, computers, your passion... Whatever, just say something. Anything. Or, just leave your name. I'll go first--check the comments to see!

Roll Call!

Monday, March 06, 2006

One more thing...

I put the baby down and I just had to come and do one mo' post (got to finish this before my brownies get cold though).

My bestfriend, Luciana, wanted me to tell all of you (even those she doesn't know) that she LOVES you all. She said to think of her as she'll be thinking of you. I have this sense that something exciting is about to happen to her, I just don't know what. I love her.

CRYSTAL! Guuuuuuuuuuuuuurl! I ain't got no words. You doin' the damn thing. Umph! I just shot you an email.

AP, I hope you feel better!

Mishari, I was just thinking about you!

Brownie time!

Ebb & Flow

I'm just going with it today. Doing things, but not doing as much as I usually do. Isom and I have colds and he's cutting a tooth, so he's miserable and clingy--just won't let me put him down.

Anywho, right now I'm just looking at some of MY favorite blogs, and I just finished baking a batch of brownies. That's all I'm up to.

I noticed that some of you left Weight Loss Girl some comments. That was cool of you guys, and it lit a fire under my butt and I went and left my comment. I have this strange sense that our comments are apart of her motivation--how cool is that?

So, I'm about to go back to blog surfing. Here are the blogs I've been to so far. Feel free to click on a link and check them out.

Hey, Luz Maria Na-na Nina! why ain't yo' blog popping up?

Ang, that was such a thoughtful email that you sent me.

Heather, girl, I didn't even know you were reading this. Holla!

Here are the links:

Kiersten's Mom: This is my cousin Keyla's blog. In today's post, she venting about one of her students--too cute!

AP's blog: Today she has a post about Three 6 Mafia and their Academy win. She's looking for folk's thoughts on it.

Weight Loss Girl's Blog: She needs motivation. Help her out!

Our friend Dawn's blog: She loves song lyrics, and her latest post is of a Prince song. Go yell at her about not posting any new lyrics!

Mystic Visons: This blog's content is geared to "Provide inner peace, spiritual and personal growth development, focusing on self-improvement, esteem and motivation building."

I'll probaby post again later--after a brownie and a nap (This cold is kickin' butt! Isom's knocked out in my lap--finally! Poor fella.)

Friday, March 03, 2006

Just A Kid Inside

Remember how I told you guys that I needed a Swing Fix? Well I got it! Yesterday (Thursday) it snowed, and, I took Isom out to the park as soon as the snow started falling; I thought it'd be a neat experience for him to swing as the snow fell. It was so much fun. First he swung on the baby swing and then we swung together on the big folks swing; this picture to the right, with the feet, was taken by me as I swung with Isom in my lap.

I love playing, it rejuvenates my spirit. Living next to a park, I spent my childhood playing outside.

See, we live right next to the park; that fence is the only thing separating us. Because of this park I had a fun and amusing childhood. Our neighborhood was filled with kids and teenagers and everyone knew everybody. Plus, lots of my relatives lived right around the block, as we call it. All the adults knew you by name and didn't hesitate to tell you that they'd call yo' mama and daddy if you aint' stop actin' a fool.

Me and my friends were chased by millions of dogs, on foot and on bike. One time, as we were being chased by a vicious Pit Bull, my friend LaTonya hopped into some ladies car as she was unloading her groceries!

We had tons of sprint races from one light pole to another and double dutch games in the middle of the streets (I always beat the boys when we had the races). And you could catch my brother, my cousin, and the rest of the neighborhood boys playing basketball on the court and touch football out in the field.

And if you look closely at the picture with just the trees, you'll see a huge cemetery is right over the fence. Woo! We had lots of scary moments riding our bikes through there, until they closed up the makeshift entrance, a hole that some hoodlum had cutout. After that, we could only hop the fence and walk through the cemetery on feet, and I sho' wasn't about to do that. Hell, especially not after my nutty friend Cassandra told me about that old dead man in the shack house (Um, as an adult, I now know that the shack is only a mausoleum, a large tomb housing several tombs. But heck, it still looks eerie.)

And when dinnertime came, you could hear each child's momma calling them from around the block to get their butts home for dinner.*sigh* I can only wish that Isom's childhood will be just as fulfilling.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I'm a little unstable today. I'm talking about that instability that comes out of nowhere and whacks you in the face. I had good rest Tuesday night. I had a nap this afternoon. Nothing significant transpired in my day. But! I'm unstable. My mind is in fifty different places, trying to do 50 different things, and getting nowhere. Unstable. I just want to weep. Weep for no reason. I'm a little on edge. I'm a little frustrated. And I know what it'll take to end this feeling, but I don't want to do it just yet. I want to live in the rawness of it all. I want to feel vulnerable. I don't want to be a rock. I just want to be for a minute.

Wait, let me just sit here and feel this instability...

...Times up.

I'm now typing this with glazed eyes. As I sat here and meditated, I felt the pressure. The pressure of life. It's an unseen thing that can creep in on you. I sensed those who are far from me. I sensed their struggle and my own. I feel you guys. I know you're trying. I know it seems that you're just not getting ahead.

Now I have better understanding. Now I think I'm ready. I'm ready to quiet the alarm. I'm ready to silence the thing that triggered my instability. Let's stop for a minute...

A deep breath in.

Hold that breath at the center point of the top of your forehead (your third eye).

Now release that breath.

Take another in and hold it at your third eye.

Release it. And while doing so, relax your neck and shoulders.

Take another in and hold it again.

And as you release this one tell yourself to relax.

Now, return to your regular breathing.

Take a look around the room. Take a good look and open your ears to the natural sounds in the room. Orient yourself to the space you're in...

...Wow, I feel better already.

Now, let me walk through the rest of the FREEDOM Steps.

1. Focus: (I did this with the breathing exercise)

2. Recognize what triggered your stress alarm: (My trigger was having moved Isom to his room.)

3. Evaluate your emotions: (I'm feeling unstable because I'm mourning the loss of Isom being a newborn.)

4. Evaluate your thoughts: (I'm so in love with Isom and the feeling is so new/overwhelming/life changing that it throws "my being" off.)

5. Define your goal: (To enjoy every moment of Isom's short infancy).

6. Organize your options: (Cuddle and love on him as much as possible. Continue to do fun activities together. Give in to the mushy feelings and admit to the world how in love I am--so in love that I hate that I can no longer cuddle with him at bedtime.)

7. Make a Contribution: (Allowing him to sleep in his room gives us both the proper sleep we need to function so that we can enjoy each other during the day.)

Phew! I feel better now. I feel relaxed and focused.

I made a post out of this exercise so that you guys can see how I utilize my work with Kathy to stay de-stressed. I hope you all can find some use for this FREEDOM tool.

I'm off to edit my book. But before I do, I'd like to say that AP and Erica were in my thoughts today. As I sat here and meditated, I thought about you two and all of the work and effort you're putting into your talents. You guys are prevailing. There's a storm building up, and all you guys need to do is ride the momentum of it. Your talent is unmatched.

Here a link to AP's recent piece titled The Good Man: http://apmanque.blogspot.com/2006/03/good-man.html. Let me tell you all that it is amazing. Take a minute to check it out and leave her some comments.

I gotta go y'all.

"Let's keep doing the damn thing!"