Monday, January 23, 2006

Hi, My Name Is Nikki.

I'm not perfect.

I've got ill moods.

I've got issues.

I need my eyebrows waxed.

I'm wearing my ugly head scarf.

I have moles all over my face.

I never wear makeup.

Now that I'm a mom, I've found that I'm more into
dingy sweats than posh attire.

I'm due for a haircut.

I've got baby drool and spitup all over me.

I'm in need of a hair cut.

I'm seeing a therapist.


I've got scars--mentally and PHYSICALLY.

Hi, My Name Is Nikki, and that's my keloid.

That scar (keloid) has been with me since the 4th grade. It started out as a tiny bump from the chicken pox. If you look closely, you will also see a piece of my other keloid on my waist, and this, too, came from the chicken pox. I had both scars removed--especially the one at the top, because it was being irritated by my bra strap (and still is today).

After having the scars removed the first time, they grew even bigger, so I had them removed again. And ya' know what? Yup, they grew back EVEN BIGGER. Not only are they big, but they're very painful. On the days that I have pain, it feels as if someone is poking me in the back with a knife. I've tried taking all sorts of painkillers for it, but nothing dulls the pain.

I've made many appointments with different physicians to see what other options are out there, and each time I don't followup. But now is the time--mainly because I can't take the pain any longer. And I can't tell you how self-conscious these things make me feel. I can't wear those cute halter tops or my bikinis without the scars showing (and y'all know I love the beach and sunbathing in skimpy bikinis). And let me tell you, I've gotten bad sunburn on my keloids from too much tanning, and the pain is killer. Even in the summer when I wear my tank tops, parts of my keloid shows through, and I walk around worrying if anyone can see my imperfection.

I've been asked more than once if the scars are from a stab wound. Stab wound!? *sigh* Thembi is having a scarf made for my bridesmaid gown just so that my mind can be at ease on that important day. I'd hate to be walking down the aisle, worrying about strange looks.

The lady who did my gown fitting told me that both her husband and daughter have keloids (they're white, and I only thought black folks got these things). To top if off, she says that her husband grows internal keloids! I couldn't believe it, and it made me shut up--I'd rather have the external keloids than the internal ones.

Well, since I've been bold enough to reveal myself to you (yes, all the pictures on today's post were just taken TODAY by my mom!), I am now going to ask a favor of you. I really need to take the time out and make a doctor's appointment for my keloids--something always comes up. The last appointment I had, I had to cancel because my ob-gyn decided to induce me (I was supposed to go to the doctor the next day for my keloids because I didn't want to be in the pain I'm going through now while trying to deal with a newborn baby.). So, I had good intentions, but God had another plan.

But, now is the time. I'm asking if one of you would email AND call me about making my appointment. Email and call me until you hear me say, "Yes, I called the doctor!" **good luck, cause y'all know i don't answer phones!!!!!!!!!! LOL** So, that's the assignment. Call (and email) Nikki to pester her about making this appointment. I would really appreciate it. And for those of you who don't have a number for me, you can just email me, or ask the person who directed you to my webpage to give you my number.

Now, the main point of this post:

We all have baggage, issues, and scars. The longer we put off tending to them, the more painful they can become.

And you can now subscribe to Nikki Ann's House by entering you e-mail address in that empty box that's to the left or by clicking here. Please note that subscribing is different from the daily e-mail I send you, so even if you're already receiving a daily email, please take the time to "officially" subscribe.

Thanks. And let's continue to keep it real with ourselves--scars, moles, ugly head SCARVES, and all.