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Seven Minutes of Rain!

I found this video on jumpcut.com. And it really is 7 minutes of rain! It was so soothing that I almost fell asleep; I think this would be great viewing for those having trouble with sleep.

Introducing...

The boy whom I will now affectionately refer to as...Master Pan Dulce (pronounced: Pan-Dools-a, which means Sweet Bread in Spanish). I will refrain from inserting his real name due to the known risks of photo and information sharing on the Internet. Let's just say that he has my father and Peanut's full name, which makes him the third. Also, I did a little research and found that if translated his real name would mean something like: The man whom God hath sent to care for the people of the community. At least that's MY translation. Anywho, here's Master Pan Dulce...

Excerpt taken from THE PARADOX OF OUR AGE:

"We have bigger houses but smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicines, but less healthiness; We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; We have become long on quantity, but short on quality. These are times of fast foods but slow digestion; Tall man but short character; Steep profits but shallow relationships. It's a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room."

- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Hmmmm....damn!

schvartze

Mandy Moore Covers Rihanna's "Umbrella" Live

Sometimes folks remake a song and you just want to yell leave it the hell alone! Then there are other times, like this, when it's done so beautifully that it's brought to the next level and you want to cry.




Now rewind to Rihanna's Live Performance of "Umbrella"

for a minute, let us toy with the idea that any- and everything we ever thought we wanted isn't really what we want or need. just for a minute...

life ain't this or that, it's the other

sometimes, all the material goods we desire cost us time and energy away from a very important and key thing: people

i need more hours, more jobs, and more money so that my family can spend more money and less time together

wow, i love this shirt! so what if i already have 200 shirts and i can only wear one at a time

i've accumulated so much junk that i don't know which item (that when i first purchased it i swore i needed immediately) to use first

all my meals are taken at a restaurant, but i put an expensive pots and pan set on my wedding gift registry

my hair's perfectly cut and groomed, but i dare not cut ties to things that are weighing me down

Oh! What Thougths My New Nephew Provokes...

Gabcast! Quotable #23 - My Truth 8/17/2007

My thoughts for the day... (Key topics: the birth of my nephew, family, possibilities, children are the future, new life, pregnancy, birth, newborns)

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Thanks e.Craig!

I was visiting my favorite blog spots:

http://www.karrine.com/home/,
http://www.funformemusicforyou.blogspot.com/,
http://fridayfavecast.com/wp/ ,
http://ecraigsworld.blogspot.com/,

when I went to e.Craig's blog and began viewing an amazing video of exotic women across the world. All of a sudden...BOOM!...my face popped up--and more than once! Man, I'll tell ya', the universe doesn't allow a sista' to feel down for too long (especially with this new wave I'm riding). It's been a long and hot sweaty day (I went with Sir and his buddies downtown to the carousel). I wasn't feeling sexy AT ALL. But now...I feel a whole lot better.

"Craig, you're after my heart."

Now I can go and work until the friggin' wee hours with a smile on my face.

Here's the video's link: http://ecraigsworld.blogspot.com/2007/08/venus_16.html

Gabcast! Quotable #22 - My Truth 8/15/2007

My thoughts for the day... (Key topics: forgivness, hatred, illness, meditation, prayer, God, Spirit, Goddess, the universe)

Friday Favecast

This episode was informative and FUNNY as heck. But you'll need a little time to listen to the entire show.

FYI: One discussion was on "booties" and another on "cut buddies!" Now that's "whoa!" (that was for my hip-hop heads).

www.fridayfavecast.com

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FYI: Sometimes the quality of my audio recordings aren't that great. I'm usually calling in from a cell phone as I am exercising, and that makes for murky waters. But I post them all anyway, just as you don't rip a page out of a diary or journal simply because it wasn't perfect. At least, most of the time you don't! LOL! Y'all have a good one. I know I will.

Gabcast! Quotable #21 - My Truth 8/14/2007

My thoughts for the day... (Key topics: ebb and flow, riding the wave, serendipity, synchronicity). Please note: In my anecdote about Hawaii and New York, I got the the destinations a little twisted, but you'll get the gist of it. Hey, that's what happens with live material--imperfections.

Gabcast! Quotable #20 - My Truth 8/13/2007

My thoughts for the day... (Key topics: life is a journey and there is no one specific destination, depression, suicide, living, enjoying the journey)

RE: Tasha Smasha

Let me say this while my spirit is moving me to. I recently posted some random thoughts about Sir and received a moving response from a long-time friend. Let me tell y'all the truth. Sometimes it is hard to come to this page and be totally bare and butt-ass-naked with you all. I have an abundance of fears just like the next person, and it takes so much out of me each time I post anywhere on the Internet. At times people are harsh, mean, cruel, unyielding, unsympathetic...and I never know who will or will not take to what I claim my truths to be. And I'm pretty sure lots of you have had times when you just rolled your eyes at the things I've had to say (sometimes I roll my own eyes at my audacious thoughts). But despite it all, something keeps bringing me to write what I write. What I know is this: the more I reveal about my life, the more people are open to coming forward and revealing themselves.

We've come to a time where people are removing their masks. We were all born for this time, or else we would have been born during another time. Thank you, Tasha. Thank you for taking off your mask and admitting your faults. Thank you for deciding to forgive yourself for those faults, so that you can build on being a better mother.

Each day I fall on my face when I'm dealing with Sir, my family, friends, strangers, rabbits, dogs, myself, trees...but I TRY to state my errors, dust my silly ass off, forgive myself and utilize that knowledge to continue on with the walk of life. And then I present it here to you. Thank you for coming to this page. Thank you for being open. And thanks to those who are willing to remove their masks and truly show themselves.

"Hello, my name is Nikki. Today I defended gays, today I felt the urge to yell at my son--on other days I have yelled at him, today I felt the need to do away with organized religion, today I felt the need to bow down and pray to God, today I felt free, today I felt enslaved. Today, no matter what I felt, I LIVED. I didn't take a gun to my head; I didn't choose the easy way out. I lived this bitch as hard as I could. I wanted to cry. I wanted to apologize to about three people. I wanted to yell, kick and fucking scream. But no matter what, I lived this motherfucka. And I am here. I. Am. Here. I AM because that's what I was born for: TO BE."

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people, for cryin' out loud!

Synchronicity

There are so many things I could say about this short film, but my time is short, so I'll keep it short. Let me just say that this film offers a look at what possibilities lie ahead for this world if we could look at the picture as a whole.

We set off a chain reaction whenever we try to help ourselves. And when helping ourselves from an ego-based standpoint, we merely create other problems. But when helping ourselves from a loving standpoint, we have the opportunity to heal the world. Examine your life in a "syncrhonistic" way. And note how things turned out when you helped yourself from a place of ego instead of a place of love. How many people were affected by your actions? What was the outcome?

Simply: when we do a thing, it WILL and DOES affect more individuals and things than we can fathom in that moment.

My goodness, I'd like to elaborate, there just isn't enough time.

One...

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Introducing...a new addiction...

http://www.justin.tv/

long day
watched Sir playing with kids at neighbor's family reunion cookout
watched closely
watched him being a boy
not a newborn
not an infant
not a toddler
not even just a child
but specifically...
a boy.
he's a boy
and boy am i blessed
there are moments when Sir and I are around childless folks and i worry
i worry because he's a BOY
a wild, silly, busy, throwing, touching, breaking, hitting, kicking
BOY
there are moments when Sir and I are around folks who have "mannered/tamed" kids
and i worry because he truly LIVEs OUT LOUD WITHOUT ANY APOLOGY
as a child should live
as adults SHOULD live
i worry that he's living too much
that his living might annoy others who don't live
i worry to the point of making myself ill, secluding myself
when he was born i knew he wasn't gonna be one of those "easy" babies
i asked God for forgiveness for all the other folks with "busy" children whom i'd judged
heck, when he was in the womb, i should have known by how ill i was that he would be a live-out-loud kind of guy
and i love him
i love him when he approaches folks and doesn't care about invading their personal space
i love him when he's pushing his friends and STRANGERS around
i love him when he gets upset that others are pushing him around
i love him because he makes me reevaluate my sheepish ways
i love him because he teaches me acceptance and patience
i love him because he is sooooo not me
i love him for him
and to all of you folks out there with "quiet and always obedient children"...
watch out! Sir might come for a visit and rock your world...
the way he's rocked mine
and i am thankful.

here's to making folks nervous and living out loud without apology.

Miss Nikki Ann, the mother of a boy

Gabcast! Quotable #19 - My Truth 8/11/2007

My thoughts for the day... (key topics: seasons, change, summer, fall, moving through difficult times, psychics)

Keeping You Posted

I'm trying to stay focused on my project, so I wanted to drop by and let you all know that there may be days when I don't post throughout the rest of this month. Hang in there with me, though. I'm trying to take my scattered efforts and procrastination and box them up for a while, making only a few things top priority. Unfortunately, blogging has to take a backseat for the rest of the month, which also means that I won't be reading my favorite blogs as often either. But I will be twittering--that I refuse to give up!.

I will post when I can.

And this project is dedicated to anyone who has the desire to follow their hearts, but find that fear is keeping them from it. I'm doing this for you (and me! LOL).

Miss Nikki Leaving Procrastination Behind Ann

From Heatwave to Cold Front

only 54 degrees out, never did make it into the 60s. i went to the movies this morning and found myself wearing a sweater jacket and pumping the heat in the car. it's raining and it's dreary--that's New England for you. and around here it can go from 54 degrees to 90 overnight, so only God knows what tomorrow will look like. for those dealing with the heat, stay hydrated.

The Heatwave...

has finally broken here in Connecticut. Today's high was 80 degrees and tomorrow's high is only 64 degrees, with a low of 57 degrees!

But my heart does go out to all of you who are still dealing with the oppressive weather. Please stay hydrated.

Thanks Erica!

Yesterday you were the light to my darkness. God always sends me an angel. Yesterday that angel was you.

Your friend,

Nikki

It's at these times when you want to turn back, and every fear inside of you says that you should be turning back...

Miss Nikki Ann turns around; seeing nothing but darkness, she decides to move forward. She walks along the way, tripping on things she can't see, feeling for walls to be used as guides. Slowly there appears a light, but as the walk turns into a journey, she realizes that it'll be awhile before she reaches the light. She panics, fear spreading throughout her body. Sensing that the journey's too long, she turns around and heads back in the other direction. But there is no light. And without any light she has no way to gauge whether or not she's headed somewhere or nowhere. So she turns back around, seeing no light, but determined that if she puts on foot in front of the other, she'll soon come to a place of light. She moves forward, this time standing on her own, no support from the side walls. And the light appears. It's still far, but reaching, it's essence pulling her closer and closer. She continues to move to the unknown. And the walk is long, but along the way it becomes more lighted and she begins to see specks of light like she's never seen before, fragrances she's never smelt before. The path grows more lighted and she stops to look around. Suddenly she can make out faces. Faces of people she knows and people she's never seen before. And she sees you. You've been there all along, journeying with her. You all look forward, knowing that there is still a ways to go, but now knowing that the entire journey itself is the destination and the light you'll arrive at will only be another marker on an endless path to forever.

Thank you for journeying with. And though it's dark out here, we continue to walk toward greater. And you're being here with me makes this sometimes dark journey well worth the travel. You are my destination. I am my destination. Let's go...

Miss Nikki Choosing All Possibilities Ann

no matter how many people tell you how great you are...

no matter how many people tell you how smart you are...

no matter how many people tell you how beautiful you are...

it's no matter...

until it matters to you.

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*if you think this is a repeat, evaluate your life and see if you've applied it.
*i'll keep posting it until I get it.

Working, working, working.

Despite it all.

Gabcast! Quotable #18 - My Truth 8/7/2007

My thoughts for the day...

just finished watching some Karrine TV. my site meter is showing that people who research Karrine's name are coming to my page instead of going directly to Karrine.com. **Miss Nikki Ann shrugs her shoulders**

"hi there to all you folks interested in Karrine. i, too, find her to be an interesting woman."

it's been a special day of rest (cleaned up lots of poop) and i'm preparing myself for a ride that i've been long avoiding. today is my last day of rest, tomorrow i'll be venturing into some murky water. so for those whom i actually keep in contact with by phone every other year (y'all know i'm terrible with phone calls) be at ease in knowing that i'm tied up and will be that way for some time (wishing that i could be "tied up" by someone instead of something--yes, i'm talking dirty talk to someone in particular).

so...lots to do and very little guts. and though i'm lacking in guts, i'm willing to put one finger in front of the other to accomplish the task. i've enjoyed--most of the time--doing things for other people, but am now determined to do what i need to do for myself. and though it sounds exciting, it entails so much work and patience that i'd almost like to runaway from it (as i have many times before to many exotic islands, sunbathing and procrastinating my ass off). but i am determined and willing to forgive myself for procrastinating as long as i have.

now i must go and rest so that tomorrow i can't use the "i'm too tired to..." line.

goodnight to you all and may you find the strength to pursue your heart's desires despite how you've failed/disappointed yourself many times before.

i'll chat with you tomorrow.

Miss Nikki Working Her Ass Off Ann

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Karrine Steffans Answers Fan Mail

A little something made my day...

I'm feeling a bit under the weather after a long weekend of partying. Peanut and Tee Tee's party was amazing (Peanut had a HUGE surprise fireworks show for Tee Tee that night. And I'm not talking sparklers, I'm talking "you need the town's permission" for this type of a show. AMAZING and BIG and LOUD and LONG.) Anywho, me, mom, Aunt Theldra, Gia, Erika, Tony, Crystal and Peanut put lots of man hours into preparing for the "it's not a baby shower" party. The house was full of folks, as were the garage, the basement and the backyard. We'd worked really hard on the menu and from my understanding (I was so busy that I didn't eat) the food was great.

The point is that I'm so tired that I can't see straight. And in that same week I went to the Beyonce concert, which was held at the casino, and I then went to the casino again at the end of the week with my godbrother (causing me to hit the sack at 3 am). Busy, busy, busy. I think I caught a bug at the concert--and coupled with the lack of sleep and lots hard work on (AND at) the party, a sista' is done!

But today I went to one of my favorite sites to find that I'd been mentioned on the writer's blog and in his audio post; I was so excited that I played it for mom and it truly made my day. It's his August 3rd post, and if you scroll down you'll see a button that you can push to listen to his show. The show is about 30 minutes long and I suggest that you listen to it in it's entirety if you have the time, since I think it's a great show. But if you're short on time, you can fast forward and I believe my mention is about 13 minutes in. Here's the link: http://www.fridayfavecast.com/wp/.

Speaking of other folks' blogs and pages, here's a list of my favorites that I subscribe to in my Google Reader and read everyday:

http://ecraigsworld.blogspot.com/

http://www.funformemusicforyou.blogspot.com/

http://www.fridayfavecast.com/wp/

http://evelynrodriguez.typepad.com/crossroads_dispatches/

http://www.karrine.com/home/

And of course...http://twitter.com/MissNikkiAnn/with_friends

Because of these wonderful folks, I continue to have a love and passion for internet interaction--and a bad case of procrastination when I'm supposed to be working but find myself reading and listening to what's going on in their lives. And I thank them for being a bigger part of my day than they can imagine--especially since I've never met these folks!

I'm out!

Miss Nikki Ann

Gabcast! Quotable #17 - My Truth 8/6/207

My thoughts for the day...

Karrine Steffans Video Update 8/1/2007

Fisher-Price Recalls Licensed Character Toys Due To Lead Poisoning Hazard

Sigh... I am actually toying with the idea of not purchasing any toys for Sir that are manufactured in China, being that a recent study has shown that 60% of toy recalls were of toys manufactured in China. Actually, I think I've just made a final decision: no toys from China. Period. That's done. (I just couldn't sit here, complain and not do something. If we keep buying Chinese Manufactured toys, the demand won't go down. And as long as demands up, the companies don't feel the pressure they need to feel in order to be forced to make necessary changes to maintain their financial status. We, the consumers, ALWAYS have the upper hand; sometimes we just forget that. But I won't be that sucker today! Um, tomorrow could be a different story.)

Fisher-Price Recalls Licensed Character Toys Due To Lead Poisoning Hazard

toddler writing on toys and furniture
not good
me?
trying to keep my cool
lots of things to do
but not feeling pressured
like i have all the time in the world
and i kinda do
feels like friday
it's thursday
is it thursday?
feeling something inside
needing to do something with that something
am now doing something with that something

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Gabcast! Quotable #16 - My Truth 8/2/2007

My thoughts for the day...

Gabcast! Quotable #15 - My Truth 8/1/2007

My thoughts for the day...

"It's like, have you ever been somewhere and overstayed your welcome?"

I recorded this while taking a difficult walk uphill and pushing heavy Sir in the stroller at the same time; so the words may be difficult to make out.

Gabcast! Quotable #14 - My Truth 7/31/2007

My thoughts for the day...

Little Dude

Sir ran into the kitchen, beaming with enthusiasm. "I did it! I did it!"

Hmmm, I thought to myself, I'd better go and check this out. "Show me what you did," I said as I followed him into my parent's room.

Sir walked up to the television and pointed. "I did it! I did it!"

I looked closely, trying to think as a toddler would thing, then noted that the television's built-in VCR looked strange. I dug my hand in to find items that I'd been looking for for some time, including the money he'd just stolen from my purse. I pulled out his infant toothbrush, coupons, enough money to put him through boarding school... But there wasn't enough time to fully examine all the damage.

I walked into the kitchen and showed Crystal and my mother my findings.

Mom said, "Ya' know, I'd noticed that my television had been acting funny."

Now as I'm typing, I realize that I didn't even look into the televisions CD player to see what treasures he'd hidden in there. After a good nights rest, and walking myself through my FREEDOM steps, I'll go and finish cleaning out the VCR and examining the rest of the damage.

Note to self: As you walk through those FREEDOM steps, be sure to address the anger you felt towards him for showing out at the Italian bakery, one of your favorite places. And ask for extra forgiveness for the depths of disgust you felt as you had to carry him out of there, dragging him by his limp arm, hoping that a bomb would drop on him before you killed him on your own; only to find that you'd left the place without getting a sweet treat; only to find that once you buckled him in the car he was all smiles; only to find that you were so pissed that you didn't return his smile and refused any conversation with him for at least the next two miles; only later to look at him with a gentle heart and the will to try to be patient with him again; only to later find that he would break your favorite pair of sunglasses; only to find right now that you now have to walk through the FREEDOM steps and forgive him for that too...

I Don't Know Nothin'

Numbers aren't my thing; unless we're talking about percentages, that's my thing. Science isn't my thing, world history isn't my thing, sports aren't my thing, boating isn't my thing, cooking isn't my thing, rock climbing isn't thing, engineering isn't my thing, talking on the phone isn't my thing, being bold isn't my thing, not giving a damn isn't my thing, geology isn't my thing, cars aren't my thing, staining wood isn't my thing, being around large crowds of people isn't my thing, baking isn't my thing, retaining lots of random facts isn't my thing, ESPN isn't my thing, bungee jumping isn't my thing, giving directions isn't my thing, being present at every function isn't my thing, going to church every Sunday isn't my thing, politicking isn't my thing, measuring stuff isn't my thing, recording goals isn't my thing, keeping a calendar isn't my thing, wearing a watch isn't my thing...

The phone rings.

Miss Nikki Ann answers (yes, this is an unusual thing).

"Nikki, could you tell me why such-in-such is happening?"

"Do you want the truth or do you just want to vent?"

"I want the truth."

"Okay, here goes..."

Now, that's my thing. Call it what you may or don't call it at all; it's just my thing.

What's yours?

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Prologue

The alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus.

The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.

But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

He said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

"Why do you weep?" the goddesses asked.

"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

"Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."

"But...was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.

"Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!"

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

"What a lovely story," the alchemist thought.


This excerpt is from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

little guy in the way

little dude decides that coloring monitor is okay

little guy trying to climb on desk

little dude trying to take my pen

little guy has enough pens in his hand

little dude seems to be going upstairs

wait.....

almost....

maybe...

yes, making way upstairs to bother abuela

*a sigh of relief*

must enjoy this brief moment

*taking second to enjoy*

now must go and finish project

have made lots of progress

and project will soon be over

until then...

working on other folks stuff and not my own

uh-oh! abuela is yelling at little guy

i've decided to stay out of it

now going to finish project

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"A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson: reading 2

Gabcast! Quotable #13 - "A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson: reading 2

Miss Nikki Ann delivers a reading from Marianne Williamson's book "A Woman's Worth" (Chapter Six: A Golden Cord).

Sweet Kisses

First it was a kiss on my left cheek.

Then he moved to my right cheek.

I told him thank you and continued staring at the television.

The he gently kissed me on my lips.

I told him thank you again and continued my television viewing.

Then he kissed my left shoulder.

Caught me off guard.

Then my right.

I finally looked at him.

And he kissed my collar bone.

Time stopped.

I looked deeply into his wide eyes.

He was waiting for acknowledgment.

I hugged him and said:

"You are loving, gentle and kind. Thank you. I appreciated that."

And I kissed his soft shoulder.

He kissed my left cheek.

My right.

My left shoulder.

My right.

My lips.

My mom watched our intimate moment.

I was still in awe.

In that moment, I realized that a boy child's first moments of intimacy are with his mother (coming out of her vagina, breastfeeding, cuddling at the breast, loving kisses & hugs.) And however she decides to respond to it can determine how he'll nurture and care for the women he encounters in his manhood.

So I embraced him again, happy to give him a safe, loving, and nonjudgmental place to showcase his love and tenderness.

Here's to boys who'll one day be men. Here's to the women who will benefit from strong, sensitive, yielding men. Here's to love--love without apology.

"Sir, you can give my shoulders gently kisses whenever you please. And I pray that as you grow older, you won't forget to grace me with them forevermore."

~Mi Mi

"A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson

Gabcast! Quotable #12 - "A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson

Miss NIkki Ann delivers a reading of Marianne Williamson's book "A Woman's Worth" (Chapter Six: A Golden Cord).

THE WALTONS/ INSIDE AMERICA'S RICHEST FAMILY - November 15, 2004

Things we forget about in our daily living...

THE WALTONS/ INSIDE AMERICA'S RICHEST FAMILY - November 15, 2004

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Man Up The Street Update

He's back! And not just that... She's back (the girlfriend who promised the judge on that television show that she'd never speak to him again) and her "little bitch" daughter is back! (Please note: Miss Nikki Ann is not calling "said" daughter a bitch; it's what Man Up The Street so lovingly called her one day). So they're all back.

Mom said to Miss Nikki Ann: "I should call her over here and show her the taping we have of them in court, and then tell her 'when you go to court the next time and the judge asks if you're going to stay away from him, tell the truth.'"

Yes, Man Up The Street's little bitch was outside pumping, bumping and grinding to some music that was playing from the vehicle that they'd all been bent over looking under the hood for two hours. Boy was it a show. And all I could do was chuckle. I hadn't noticed how much I'd missed their entertainment. But I sure as heck can't wait for them to go back home too! It's been hours, and as I type, they're still out there.

For those who are just getting acquainted with Man Up The Street, here's the link to previous posts: Man Up The Street Updates.

Besos

Rest Is Best

Gabcast! Quotable #11 - Rest Is Best

Miss Nikki Ann's thoughts on what a good night's rest can do for a confused and weary mind & body.

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Marianne Williamson's The Ten Bridges of Transformation

Boy did I hit the jackpot. I was sitting here, about to do some editing, thinking that I needed to do some meditation before moving forward, when I found this link to some audio clips of Marianne Williamson's: The Ten Bridges of Transformation. And it was exactly what I needed to regain my focus and composure. She said a couple of things that I had to write down:

"Only what you're not giving can be lacking in any given situation."

"Salvation begins when you consider the possibility that there might be another way."

I truly enjoyed listening to the three audio clips they have posted on the site. But enough chit chat about it. Here's the link: The Ten Bridges of Transformation.

Keith Sweat and The Sweat Hotel

Heard Keith Sweat on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Woo-hoo! That's my boy. His chocolate voice and blatant lisp melt my heart. I was swoonin'! So I had to go to the website of his new radio show The Sweat Hotel. I just knew there was no way that the website could be as sexy as he is, but it is. Ladies...it is! Wow! The opening song is one of my favorites: Right and Wrong Way.

"There's a right and a wrong way to love somebody. Ya' love them right."

Miss Nikki Ann shouted back at the music, "Hell, love me right Keith!"

He has two other songs on there as well, you just look to the top right-hand corner and scroll through them.

And there's a section on the site called Apologies--I guess it's a recorded segment of his show where people call in to apologize to folks--ya' have to his voice on the recordings.

I don't know, it just made my day. Cleared my head so that I could do some work. It was nostalgia, made me think of the Friday evenings Ma and I spent with records spread across the floor. My favorite was always The Betty Wright Live album. Boy, we'd groove for hours, and she'd be cooking (good down south food--not southern food, but down south food!) and cleaning the house as friends and family stopped by to say hi. Man... My mom's not just my mom, she's my friend. I learned to groove from this woman, to sing, dance, and move with a joy that relinquishes the pressures that can accompany life. Friday nights with Ma....

Groove on y'all. Whatever your musical taste is...groove on...

To Ava: As I read your posts, I often imagine what it must feel like to be at one of your musical sessions. You all seem to have a really good time.

Using My Voice

"I don't remember them or I never try to remember them."

That was a statement I made about ten years ago or so.

Friends would often give me vivid details of their dreams and then ask me to dissect them. Some seemed significant--like the Spirit speaking and sending the mind on a necessary journey--others, like the brain just needed to fart.

Over time, as I've opened more to the mystical Goddess in me and more to the spiritual realm, I've seen and felt a bit more.

Back story:

At the age of about thirteen, a young Miss Nikki Ann was hiding under her covers, having another restless night over the recent death of her aunt whom she saw and touched in the casket. Miss Nikki Ann felt someone tapping on her foot. She was afraid to look up, but decided that if it was her aunt that she would never do her any harm. Miss Nikki Ann finally found the courage and came from up under the covers. What she saw stuck with her for life, the back of some ethereal being's white wispy robe exiting her bedroom. Miss Nikki Ann told her mom, who then told her to pray to God and ask that he tell her aunt that she loves her but doesn't want her to visit her anymore.

About a year later, Miss Nikki Ann was on the phone with a best friend discussing spiritual & religious matter. Miss Nikki Ann said:

"Don't you feel different? I feel special."

And I wasn't talking about the kind of special that means different and more important than others. I was talking about feeling Spirit and having some weird and inexplicable desire to follow its desires for me.

At the time I never knew just how profound that was and where it'd lead me. But at the young age of fourteen, I did begin to use that special ability more consciously, in more and more mystical ways to solve daily issues.

About six years ago, when I was really a practicing priestess, so to speak, I had a visit in my sleep (cause some things aren't dreams, they're truly visits from other spirits needing to talk with you). They seemed like little water sprites (i'm not sure if that's what they were, but it's what they looked like). They looked as if they were made up of water, they glistened and were hard to keep my eyes on, but I could clearly see their eyes and mouths. But they didn't speak to me. They seemed to be working on my body, with a great intensity. An intensity so great that upon awakening, I felt pain everywhere from their touches. And just to get their point across, they made sure that the pain lasted for days so that I wouldn't doubt their work on me--like some doubt the works of past mystical workers (like Jesus). From that day on I knew. What did I know? Only what those who are willing to open up to the experience know. Trust me, you'll know if you know it. And it's not some select club, it's for anyone willing to take the ride.

Which leads me to this...

Last night my spirit put me through a story. It went like this:

I'm at a department store. Lots of girls are there. Girls I know. I got there after coming back from another mini journey my spirit was on that entailed my brother and computer technology. But I digress. At the store every one's trying on clothes. Soon I see lots of interesting characters--hustlers, bootleggers, and that kinda sort.

Then the scene changes to what appears to be a huge church at the back of the store. I hear of some strange goings on. A woman snatches me into a bathroom and gives me two sharp knives, which I slip under each sleeve;I can still sense the pain of the sharp ends piercing my fingers as they slide out. I am told that I am supposed to get past security with the knives, and that if I do so, I will be compensated and inducted into this group of hustlers. I see Tasha Smasha (hey Tasha) and she's obviously attempting to do the job too. I get past security. Then begin a dialogue with spirit.

I said, "I don't want to enter that church with these knives. It doesn't feel right. And I don't care about the money."

Spirit said, "Drop the knives. If you know me the way you say you do, you know that everything is already taken care of. Trust in me."

I dropped the knives into some high grass and ran into the church. There were two entrances into the sanctuary. I passed the first one, lot of my old church family members were standing there. I peered through the door of the second entrance--noting how safe it'd be to go that way, not having to speak to anyone, just slipping into a back pew.

But spirit spoke, "As usual, you're trying to take the easy way out. Listen to the singing. Listen and go to them."

So I headed back to the first entrance where my old church members were. And all of a sudden spirit overcame me. I began singing a Kelly Price spiritual with the group.

Spirit said, "No! Open your mouth, child, and sing! You lead the song! Sing!"

So I took the lead, singing, "You shall always be Lord of all..."

And I mean, I sang that song. I sang that song until I cried a low growl of a cry. I sang that song until everyone around me was moved to the upper levels of heaven in their hearts and ego-based minds.

"I love you Lord because you heard my cry and pitied every groan... You shall always be Lord of all..."

I sang and sang until I awoke from the story. My eyes opened and I felt actual human tears forming. I replayed that song over and over in my head, wanting so much in the wee hours to lift my hands up and sway and rock myself.

"Because you heard my cry and pitied every groan... Lord of all..."

And then, with my eyes wide open, Spirit spoke, saying, "It's time--"

And I already knew what Spirit was going to say, so I said, "It's time to open my mouth an use my voice."

"Yes," Spirit said. "O', how you've avoided it. But it's time."

You shall always be Lord of all.

"Thank you for hearing my human cry and giving me the time to accept what is so that has always been so and what will always be so whether I accept or agree or not."

Amen,

Nikki Ann


A memory: Tasha Smasha, do you remember the day, back at Tuskegee University, when you had a financial worry? And I told you to put those worries aside and spend that last ten dollars anyway. And I promised you that if my instructions failed you that I, myself, would refund you that money. And I never had to do so. It seemed that everything, after all, was okay...

En
chan
ted

Repression: dreaming of a white man

dreaming about unknown man.

his scent lingers.

longing for something not real?

he said, "i have a girlfriend."

i thought, "i don't care."

realized that i did care.

realized i was dreaming.

realized that his slim figure matched black man i know well.

black man i know well in a physically personal way.

realized what repression does to the subconscious mind.

its voice will not be denied.

even if it has to haunt me in my sleep.

am awake now.

but his scent still lingers.

longing...

but now i know for whom.

Love,

Cotton

Miss Nikki Ann's World: Episode 3

Lots of rain. Lots of purification. You just never know... You just never know...

And so another day ends...

About that time to count some sheep.

What was today will not be tomorrow.

There's only one now and the rest is either history or too futuristic to contemplate this late in the night--

Rest your mind on that...

Nite Nite,

Miss Nikki Ann

Twitter Reminder

If you haven't joined Twitter yet, you're so missing out on the "obsessive" fun.

Dad?

The other week when my godbrother was visiting, I looked out my window and saw a hilarious site. My dad, who's getting "older" and needs to quit trying to do some stuff, was out bad cutting on our biggest, most ferocious, tree. This thing is a whammy! We've been quoted outrageous prices for having the "sap sucker" cut down. Well, I guess dad decided to give it a shot. My godbrother watched and sipped beer as he cut away. Uncle Robert Earl drove by and stopped and tried to keep him from killing himself. And Reverend Miller came by with his old butt and tried to assist. It was madness. And in the end, after all of that cutting (and then burning the limbs he'd gotten down--smoking up the entire neighborhood) you could barely tell the difference. Gosh, I hope they send this dude out of state to work really soon, before he hurts himself or someone else.

Note to self: Must stop peering out of my bedroom window, I see way too many things that I wouldn't have to stress over if I'd just mind my own buisness.

Enjoy...

Sir's Great Escape

Early this morning Sir decided that he needed to wear a winter hat and gloves while running around in only a pair of socks. All of this was fine by me, being that it's easier to potty train without a diaper on. Anywho, sometime that morning I looked out my window after hearing mom yell at Sir. I saw her chasing him up the street...you guessed it, with that winter hat, gloves, socks and a bare body. Is this guy an exhibitionist or what? Enjoy the pics...

Note to self: One day he's really gonna hate me for posting this one.

And so another day begins...

And so another day ends...

And it's about time--it's been a long one.

May sleep wrap its arms around you.

Until we meet again...

You know who I am,

Miss Nikki Ann

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......................

Nevada couple blame Internet for neglect - Yahoo! News

RENO, Nev. - A couple who authorities say were so obsessed with the Internet and video games that they left their babies starving and suffering other health problems have pleaded guilty to child neglect.
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The children of Michael and Iana Straw, a boy age 22 months and a girl age 11 months, were severely malnourished and near death last month when doctors saw them after social workers took them to a hospital, authorities said. Both children are doing well and gaining weight in foster care, prosecutor Kelli Ann Viloria told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Michael Straw, 25, and Iana Straw, 23, pleaded guilty Friday to two counts each of child neglect. Each faces a maximum 12-year prison sentence.

Viloria said the Reno couple were too distracted by online video games, mainly the fantasy role-playing "Dungeons & Dragons" series, to give their children proper care.

"They had food; they just chose not to give it to their kids because they were too busy playing video games," Viloria told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Police said hospital staff had to shave the head of the girl because her hair was matted with cat urine. The 10-pound girl also had a mouth infection, dry skin and severe dehydration.

Her brother had to be treated for starvation and a genital infection. His lack of muscle development caused him difficulty in walking, investigators said.

The Straws have been given public defenders. Jeremy Bosler, head of the county public defender's office, declined to comment to The Associated Press on Saturday.

Michael Straw is an unemployed cashier, and his wife worked for a temporary staffing agency doing warehouse work, according to court records. He received a $50,000 inheritance that he spent on computer equipment and a large plasma television, authorities said.

While child abuse because of drug addiction is common, abuse rooted in video game addiction is rare, Viloria said.

Last month, experts at an American Medical Association meeting backed away from a proposal to designate video game addiction as a mental disorder, saying it had to be studied further. Some said the issue is like alcoholism, while others said there was no concrete evidence it's a psychological disease.

Patrick Killen, spokesman for Nevada Child Abuse Prevention, said video game addiction's correlation to child abuse is "a new spin on an old problem."

"As we become more technologically advanced, there's more distractions," Killen said. "It's easy for someone to get addicted to something and neglect their children. Whether it's video games or meth, it's a serious issue, and (we) need to become more aware of it."

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Went to grocery store at 8 AM...

I'm against big crowds of people...

Toddler was upset that he couldn't get candy...

Ride was cool...

All windows down, no air conditioning in the car...

Happy to get out before heat sets in...

Should be 88 today--hot for CT...

Watching toddler leave basement to harass grandfather...

Not sure if toddler leaving to be with mindless grandfather is okay...

Bought creamy, rich, fatty, chocolate ice cream...

Bought chocolate sprinkles...

Who created low-fat ice cream?

What's the point in that?

Will make cone soon...

Lots of sprinkles...

Wondering how toddler's doing with grandfather...

Will now call out to toddler...

Called but got no reply...

Hear footsteps of toddler and grandfather...

Wondering if grandfather has forgotten about the food he has simmering on the stove...

Going to check on stove...

Crap!

Good thing I checked, no liquid in pot...

Hear father running water...

Phone's ringing...

Ignoring it...

Come on! Like I ever pick up the phone...

Wasn't my phone anyway...

House phone...

Which I never answer...

Toddler screaming...

Be back...

Am back...

Actually, am doing a lot better with returning my phone calls AND answering my phone...

Still refuse to answer the house phone...

All those calls are for mom and dad and I'd only end up taking messages...

Peanut likes to annoy me by calling me on the house phone...

Inquires as to why I didn't answer...

Tired of telling him that it ain't my phone and that he knows to contact me by cell...

Usually take Sir by Peanut's on Sunday (or Saturday) mornings to harass him and Tee-Tee...

Probably won't do that today...

Toddler's singing a song...

Reminds me to look around for a free drum set...

Think I'll go on craigslist.com and try to find one now...

I'm out...

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Toddler throwing fit.

Grandma trying to fix it.

Mother sitting and listening.

Now toddler stomping.

Mother about to yell for him to stop it.

Mother does.

Tells toddler to come.

Grandma still trying to figure out what toddler wants.

Chocolate milk? Cereal?

Aw, it was cereal.

Okay.

Now toddler wants specific utensil.

Grandma tries to figure it out.

Toddler agrees with choices.

Okay.

Toddler eats.

Okay.

Day moves on.

Okay...

Potty Training Playdate

It was a success. Sir earned way too many stickers for me to even keep count. He peed on the potty, crapped on the potty, read on the potty all day long. Duke Aaron and Princess Laya did a great job too. At the end, Duke Aaron even announced: I have to go to the potty. Yippee! A mother's delight.

Duke Aaron's mother inquired: "So, Aaron, are you going to potty at home?"

Duke Aaron responded: "No!"

Toddlers have a mind of their own.

And Princess Laya didn't go as much as the boys, but that probably had something to do with them being so rowdy that it was hard for her to concentrate. Sir and Duke push and throw and hit each other all day. Poor Princess, she just doesn't know what to do with her boys. But the three of them are so in love with each other. I caught Duke taking Princess's hand and walking with her--up until she grew tired of him and pushed him off. And lots of times I spy Sir watching Princess with an intensity that only suggests love; a love that will one day spark a fight between Duke and Sir--I'm so looking forward to that! I mean, we princesses need love too! And we shouldn't receive that love only when they boys get tired of playing with each other (oftentimes, Duke and Sir act as if Princess isn't there).

Anywho, the royal gang will be getting together AGAIN today (that's a total of 4 times this week). Duke Aaron's mother created this thing where every Friday lots of moms gather at her place, half the moms get to stay and the other half get to leave. The funny part is that we moms are enjoying each other so much that we've all stayed, but at least we have the option.

So the adventures of The Duke, The Sir, The Prince and The Mighty Princess will continue soon. And yes, there has been a book idea behind all of this since Sir met his first buddy Zohar (who's The Prince in the storyline). It's a story that I tell to myself and may one day put pen to paper and make all the magic happen. That's maybe. For now, I'm enjoying the stories of their magical land. It makes me believe that love is a possibility that will overshadow all the darkness. One day... One day...

Miss Nikki Ann

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School Reunion & Potty Training & Procrastination

There are things I SHOULD be doing right now, and I'll get to them in ten minutes! **This is the promise I'm making to myself**

Two of Sir's buddies are coming by tomorrow for a potty playdate. What's a potty playdate? Something I made up while meditating in the shower (or just another way to keep Sir busy and mentally stimulated). I've invited Princess Laya and Duke Aaron over to partake in two full hours of non-stop potty training. Princess Laya's mom is bringing her potty over (you know gents and ladies can't use the same potty!) and Sir and Duke will use Sir's potty and the regular toilet. By the time these kids leave, either they'll be trained or they'll never want to see the potty again. Sir's been potty training himself for awhile (I got lucky! And I deserve this bit of luck after all that colick I suffered through) and he's doing such a great job, so he'll really enjoy this intense training session. And when I called to invite the buddies over, their moms did not hesitate to say yes, aside from asking me why I'd want to do this to myself again and again.

Anywho, I just finished watching the Charm School reunion show. Man, it was difficult to stomach. Monique is a strong and centered woman, because somebody else wouldn't have had the patience for the issues that these women have. After seeing Larissa's (Bootz) mother in action, I now have a better understanding of why she is the way she is.

On the other hand, I so want Shay (Buckeey) to grow up; she's one of my favorites and has so much potential. Saafyri (who didn't stay long enough on Flav's show to get a nickname after beating the heck out of that chick) and Leilene (Smiley) are my other favorites--along with Schatar (Hottie), who I believe doesn't get enough credit. I love that Schatar allows everything, even negative comments shot at her, to roll off her back. I admire that quality and seek to nurture more of it in myself. Plus, she's just a lot of fun, without using all the hooker and foul mouth nastiness that most of the other girls displayed. And I can't forget Courtney (Goldie), she's simply a sweetheart--too bad she went too far with that comedy set about Monique. But I'm happy to see that the two of them aren't harboring any ill feelings, and that Mo's offer for Courtney to go on tour with her still stands.

Oh, and I must say congratulations to Saafyri for winning the competition (and to Leilene for coming in second). It seems things are going well for her and she's now got a roof over her head. I'm rooting for her. I can't wait to see how she grows in the years to come.

Then there were a few, like Larissa, Brooke, and Cristal, who didn't seem to make much progress. And not only didn't they make progress, but they clearly had no idea that their antics were unsettling to most viewers.

And what about the fact that people like Darra (Like Dat), Jennifer (Toastee), and Thela (Rain) weren't even showcased on the reunion show; they just moved the cameras right passed them. And I like Darra--excpet when she's burping and drinking out of milk cartons (but to her credit, that wasn't in Charm School, only Flavor of Love).

And then there's Heather...I mean Krazy...I mean Nevaeh (that's Heaven spelled backwards, remember?). In her mind she's already a superstar, and ain't much else to say about that. But...was she even in the reunion audience? I forgot to look for her. Heck, I'd forgotten she existed until I went to write this post.

But that's all just fun talk (even though most of it's truth). I hope the best for them all and that all of they're days will continue to be charming. And yes, that was corny as corn.

Miss Nikki Ann (upset that Charm School is over for the summer--even though she knows she'll get caught up in the reruns)