Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Shit...I Can't Breathe!

I am here.  Just trying really hard not to go under.  The doctor/hospital/testing schedule of the chronically ill in America is very time-consuming and is equivalent to a full-time job with overtime and no benefits.  I literally am never home because of doctor appointments, infusion appointments and tests (lab work, x-rays, scans...blah blah blah).  I point out the phenomenon as an American Epidemic because in other countries the sick receive most of their attention and care at home (even some tests and lab work).  I do believe that such a way of treatment can be a positive to the mental/emotional/physical state of the patient.  Some folks have a vision of the chronically napping and shit.  I can assure you that I do not nap, that when I do it is because I am lacking in enough oxygen to function awake.  I literally mean that my body forces me to sleep because it does not have enough input (air) for output (activity).  The item I am holding in the above picture is an incentive spirometer, which exercises my lungs.  Yup, lung failure and diaphragm weakening all around here. In the matter of a week, I went from no breathing aides to 3 inhalers and this here spirometer; and have gained myself an (in-home) sleep study.  

I just do not breathe much without having to tell my body to do so.  Do you get that?  Breathing is a component of the autonomic (automatic) functioning of the body, so a normal body breathes without the person having to think about it.  Not for me, I spend my day "making" myself breathe.  And at night?  Well, that's the problem.  It's one thing to expend mental and physical energy during waking hours to monitor breathing, but at night...well, let's just say that death during sleep is one of the standard demises for dysautonomics like myself.

But I must take my leave.  Why?  A doctor appointment.  So surprising!

"Be good.
Be patient.
Be in the moment of your breath if it works for you automatically."